sixillusions | [catchall] Caelus

[The rebuttal doesn't surprise him, really, but he shakes his head anyway.]

You're naive. [It sounds harsh--and it is, because Kanda wouldn't know how to be soft even if he wanted to--but it isn't meant to be cruel.] You can't use that kind of logic here. If anything, you've made yourself an easy target by proving you won't listen to warnings.

[Maybe he's fine today, but what about tomorrow? The next day? Isn't Nona proof that they won't all show themselves like Boothill and Erin did?

He thinks of the Akuma that stole his Finder's face, fooling him until the last minute; of the Noah that slipped seamlessly through their defenses with the disguise of another's face. There are people Kanda trusts, because even he can't live a life of total isolation--but even the meager reassurances he has back home hold no water here. He can't even trust that Lavi will be okay. How could he possibly lower his guard for strangers?

And even without those concerns... there's so little that's ever been solely his. None of it matters as much as those last, precious moments, the ones he'd be furious over if anyone else saw them--but it's still frustrating to have his heart pried open yet again, even in this relatively small way.]

[ naive isn't wrong. how often has caelus attached with irrevocably fondness to someone he met for all of an hour? fifteen minutes? he doesn't need weeks or months or years to build up attachment, to trust that someone won't die and leave them behind. even the friend he lost most recently back in penacony--he didn't know her for long, but he held her preciously for that short time. that's one privilege his trailblazing has afford him: instant connections that last.

the opposite of kanda. ]

I listen to warnings, but I already know you're stronger than I am. If you're going to kill me, it will happen whether I avoid you or not. And I don't want to--

[ the world turns dark.

and then he sees the doomsday beast.

he feels the frenzied stellaron expanding in his chest, the all-consuming gaze of nanook--aeon of destruction, kafka promising him a future where his will paves the path.

the moment when it's all going to end far too soon. he hasn't been awake for long. he's only known march and dan heng and himeko for the length of a blink. already a failed project. already about to kill everyone.

until welt saves him. he falls. one memory blurs into the next.

he speaks to kafka on the luofu, helping her although he has his misgivings.

she invites him to play a game, a chance to learn the truth for once. it's not that caelus outsmarts her--he out-bizarres her. it's not easy.

kafka says, "You are an artificial body created for the purpose of hosting a Stellaron. From the moment of your birth, it was your destiny to receive the Stellaron at Herta Space Station... Because you were created for that purpose — your body has been transformed by the power of an Aeon. You are immune to Stellaron contamination. Therefore, you could say that you are a one-of-a-kind Stellaron vessel."

not what caelus wanted to hear but something half-expected. he wants to know so much more. he wants to know everything.

kafka is in a hurry. he lets her go.

and then the darkness returns, leaving him man-standing-emoji in front of kanda back in scawwy. ]

...I didn't mean to do that.

[He's been through this enough times that he should've expected the second memory to begin, but the conversation was distracting enough that it catches him slightly off-guard anyway. It's always disorienting, going through someone else's life; he sees the beast, and the people Caelus grew fond of so quickly, and the mysterious woman--he hears her words, and as himself, Kanda has enough time to think about how many others have similarities to himself, and then it's--over.

There's no point in pretending he didn't see it, and Kanda isn't polite enough to bother trying.]

...None of us have.

[ caelus is so, so, so infinitely bad at keeping his mouth shut around kanda. and he's aware enough that the exorcist would be much happier with him if he did. that it would make their--well, from kanda's pov, their acquaintanceship less taxing. ]

It didn't have to be like that, though. I would have told you.

[ kanda didn't ask, but he didn't expect him to. ]

But you wouldn't tell me about Akuma. I got worried that maybe if you knew about me...

[ that kanda would conflate whatever caelus is with whatever an akuma is. not an entirely unfounded fear when nobody knows the full truth. ]

[Well Caelus that's because he is lazy and didn't feel like explaining

But he can't get too annoyed if Caelus was worried given that he did attack multiple people Weekend 0 out of paranoia,,, granted he didn't start it with Boothill BUT STILL. He doesn't say "relax, I know you're fine," but he can offer his version of it, at least.]

I'm pretty sure there aren't any here. [There's no guarantee, not with the Noah, but--] If they were involved, they would've shown themselves by now. And that's not how they're made anyway.

[Would he have demanded Caelus show him his blood if this had happened last week. Maybe. But now he's less paranoid about Akuma because he's busy being paranoid about monster possessions! Yippee]

So, you're not going to--?

[ motions swinging a sword with his hand. ]

Today, anyway.

[ caelus is aware that kanda won't hold back should the worst happen come saturday. (it doesn't! hooray!) ]

[Don't tempt him]

I'll cut down whatever I need to to get us out of here.

[So if Caelus becomes an obstacle to that end goal, then yes, he'll swing without hesitation--but there would be no point to killing him simply because he's not human. He'd attacked Karlach and Astarion out of paranoia, and he won't apologize for doing so, but he really doesn't make a habit of stabbing every random weirdo on the street.]

[catchall] Caelus

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