[I really tried so hard to find a good memory with Lavi in it but they are truly in like five scenes together and they are never the FOCUS punches the ground
The memory ends, and when it does, Kanda's expression shutters. It's not as severe as it was in the memory, not after Allen snapped him out of it, but it's instantly obvious that he's distinctly unhappy about this particular memory being wrenched out of him.
Kanda closes himself off and pushes people away every day--but typically, so long as they don't cross his boundaries too egregiously, he lets them come back, or drag him into things, or otherwise continue to plant themselves in his life. The way he is day-to-day, a man with a short temper and a preference for solitude, is not the way he is right now: a man with a nigh impenetrable wall around him, safeguarding his vulnerability and grief.
Her reaction definitely isn't the worst thing, and the memory ends just in time--but he crosses his arms anyway, jaw tight. He would've preferred she let it pass unacknowledged.]
[ who is lavi? definitely not a d-grayman character. not anymore.... sadge ]
[ anyway, this is quite a shift in demeanor. she can read the room just fine, and even with someone as typically standoffish with kanda, this is a dramatic shift. it makes sense, she just saw something deeply personal and traumatic for him. something she can't make sense of, herself, but the feelings behind it are overwhelming. ]
... I know. Sorry. Wasn't trying to.... sorry.
[ backing off one physical step with her hands out, but it's more of a symbolic motion to show him that she's not going to pry into his business. she struggles to articulate what she really wants to convey, which is that she considers him an ally and a friend, that all this was deeply screwed up, and she's relieved that he snapped out of it -- and now, afraid for his life ]
I just... want you to be okay.
[ quietly. it probably makes no sense, even sounds dumb.... but the sentiment behind it is sincere. don't call her allen, tch ]
[Finally digs my way through my inbox to get back here. I could've taken the rest of the game and Lavi would still be in the chair. Much to think about.
But--this is, perhaps, the best sort of damage control she could've done. The only good thing to do in this situation with him, honestly. She pulls back, which is, quite frankly, more than a lot of other people have done throughout his life. And beyond that, though he complains about it, he doesn't mind her presence that much. At this point in time, he doesn't know that she's going to lose Cloud and Aerith, that he and Lavi will unofficially step in to care for her in their stead, but--they've talked enough, and she's shown enough resolve in her own way, and that's good enough to keep their bridge... relatively steady, despite this invasion of privacy.
He really should call her sentimentality stupid. He would at almost any other time, over any other memory. But his heart aches at the reminder of what he'd just seen--not recent, but certainly not distant--and he doesn't have even the energy for that.
He's silent for a long time, long enough to make it awkward because he has no social skills. But eventually, quietly:]
...It's over now.
[So. That's about as "okay" as it can get. He won't give her anything more, but she's allowed to know that much.]
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sixillusions) wrote2024-06-08 12:22 pm
no subject
The memory ends, and when it does, Kanda's expression shutters. It's not as severe as it was in the memory, not after Allen snapped him out of it, but it's instantly obvious that he's distinctly unhappy about this particular memory being wrenched out of him.
Kanda closes himself off and pushes people away every day--but typically, so long as they don't cross his boundaries too egregiously, he lets them come back, or drag him into things, or otherwise continue to plant themselves in his life. The way he is day-to-day, a man with a short temper and a preference for solitude, is not the way he is right now: a man with a nigh impenetrable wall around him, safeguarding his vulnerability and grief.
Her reaction definitely isn't the worst thing, and the memory ends just in time--but he crosses his arms anyway, jaw tight. He would've preferred she let it pass unacknowledged.]
That has nothing to do with you.
no subject
[ anyway, this is quite a shift in demeanor. she can read the room just fine, and even with someone as typically standoffish with kanda, this is a dramatic shift. it makes sense, she just saw something deeply personal and traumatic for him. something she can't make sense of, herself, but the feelings behind it are overwhelming. ]
... I know. Sorry. Wasn't trying to.... sorry.
[ backing off one physical step with her hands out, but it's more of a symbolic motion to show him that she's not going to pry into his business. she struggles to articulate what she really wants to convey, which is that she considers him an ally and a friend, that all this was deeply screwed up, and she's relieved that he snapped out of it -- and now, afraid for his life ]
I just... want you to be okay.
[ quietly. it probably makes no sense, even sounds dumb.... but the sentiment behind it is sincere. don't call her allen, tch ]
no subject
But--this is, perhaps, the best sort of damage control she could've done. The only good thing to do in this situation with him, honestly. She pulls back, which is, quite frankly, more than a lot of other people have done throughout his life. And beyond that, though he complains about it, he doesn't mind her presence that much. At this point in time, he doesn't know that she's going to lose Cloud and Aerith, that he and Lavi will unofficially step in to care for her in their stead, but--they've talked enough, and she's shown enough resolve in her own way, and that's good enough to keep their bridge... relatively steady, despite this invasion of privacy.
He really should call her sentimentality stupid. He would at almost any other time, over any other memory. But his heart aches at the reminder of what he'd just seen--not recent, but certainly not distant--and he doesn't have even the energy for that.
He's silent for a long time, long enough to make it awkward because he has no social skills. But eventually, quietly:]
...It's over now.
[So. That's about as "okay" as it can get. He won't give her anything more, but she's allowed to know that much.]