He's not going to see Mathis until tomorrow so it's during re-repression time. Unless she had other things to do he probably left the meeting with her to go punch out their feelings. Honestly Yuffie is truly the person here with the most rights for him right now, since she's the only other person who both really wants Lavi here and doesn't know for sure what he chose to do. Maybe Laudna as well, but that's not the same.]
...Gale said partners won't die immediately. [She probably knew that, but he didn't, so he's saying it.] So they shouldn't need to worry about that.
[Conflicted feelings because on the one hand instant partner deaths would mean more people getting to safety, on the other, it also means they were more free to make individual decisions than he'd thought.]
Yeah, it'll be Sunday. So... kinda works out for them, I guess.
[ yuffie's not going to see mathis at any point so she is free!!! for re-repression time. but yeah. frankly, yuffie has long accepted that more of them need to die. less than five. but what she in particular doesn't get is why they chose to do it like. wasn't the whole point of them going into the house to plan to stay out of the eyes of the cult? so why are they killing each other in public when the veil isn't up? it's out of her hands, now, but she hopes they know what they're doing. ]
I wrote Lavi a letter to tell him to come to this side. I don't know if it'll sway him... but. I told him I want him here. He should put himself first for once. Because I know he wants to be on this side... you know.
[Yeah, he doesn't know either. A part of him worries that they're doing it on purpose, trying to keep the cult's attention on their side so that they have time to build their machine and use their rocks and whatever, but... who knows. They certainly don't.
What she says, though, sparks so many more conflicted feelings. Exhaustion and frustration, from not knowing what to expect, from being helpless to do anything about it. And underneath that, a quiet, stilted combination of loneliness and gratitude. It's the first time he's really believed that anyone here might feel close to the way he does, at least in this way. She knows what it means to be kept apart from the people she's known the longest.]
...He's not supposed to want things. [He figures she knows that, but he'll say it just in case.] If they need him, he'll stay.
[It's hardly the first time they've worked separately. And it's probably objectively better if Lavi does stay--having one exorcist on either side doesn't mean what it normally would for them, but it would still be useful, especially if they pay to get powers back. They've all but settled on using some of their rocks to ensure the safety of even those left behind, so chances are good that Lavi will be okay regardless. But those thoughts do nothing to make him feel better.]
[ yuffie tries to assure herself that pestilence would tell them to knock it off if it was as dangerous as she thinks it is. then again, the cult is onto them anyway, aren't they? she feels trapped and she hates it ]
[ she drifts a little closer to him as she picks up his feelings. she doesn't comment on them, doesn't try to draw too much attention. but the bone-deep exhaustion and frustration at being helpless is echoed back at him. the guilt about being here is somewhere in there, eclipsed by everything else. nervousness about not knowing what's going on with them. but also, just. the idea that she's here. she's not his companion from home, but they're friends, and they've been through enough here that she has come to consider something like her own party member. the feeling she's transmitting is that it goes both ways. ]
Yeah, the whole... Bookman thing. [ which is its own separate issue. but she does get it, and she nods ] I know. We talked about it before. But I did try.
[ and yuffie does think it's a done deal that they're spending these rocks on making sure the living get over here safely. partially because she figures the rest of the people here feel similarly about making sure the living get here safely. but mostly because she is prepared to 1 vs 1 anyone who might argue ]
[He'd talked it over with Aerith, a little. Trying to explain why he didn't know for sure what Lavi would choose, despite knowing him so well otherwise. But he hadn't mentioned this, really. The toll Lavi's duty takes on him. The way he's devoted to it anyway. If Lavi does stay--more than anything else, Kanda suspects, it'll be because he feels the need to see it through. To observe until the end.
But Yuffie is right. He does deserve to be selfish. And he deserves to hear it, too. So:]
...Thanks.
[For writing him, and telling him the things Kanda couldn't. For being here with him right now, even though he was never good at supporting her on the other side. Regardless of where they all end up, or how this plays out--he appreciates that.]
[ luckily (?), he wouldn't have needed to explain this to yuffie. she and lavi have been through so much together, she's gotten to see the real lavi in ways that would be hard to share with another person. seen the toll his duty takes on him. even gotten his bookman memories. she herself was in the same spot as kanda -- not knowing what choice lavi would make, but wanting him to choose what's best for himself for once. but wanting him to ]
Of course.
[ normally she might brag about how how she's such a great friend (and he'd be able to tell from emotion share that she doesn't actually believe it), but this conversation warrants a little less bluster. ]
... If he does stay, then... when next we see him, we can beat the shit out of him. How does that sound?
[ the actual feeling is warmth, (not het, platonic) though. for him. disgusting ]
[At that, he--doesn't quite smile, because his mind is still focused on everything they need to do and sort out--but the emotional vibe is close enough.]
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sixillusions) wrote2024-06-08 12:22 pm
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He's not going to see Mathis until tomorrow so it's during re-repression time. Unless she had other things to do he probably left the meeting with her to go punch out their feelings. Honestly Yuffie is truly the person here with the most rights for him right now, since she's the only other person who both really wants Lavi here and doesn't know for sure what he chose to do. Maybe Laudna as well, but that's not the same.]
...Gale said partners won't die immediately. [She probably knew that, but he didn't, so he's saying it.] So they shouldn't need to worry about that.
[Conflicted feelings because on the one hand instant partner deaths would mean more people getting to safety, on the other, it also means they were more free to make individual decisions than he'd thought.]
no subject
[ yuffie's not going to see mathis at any point so she is free!!! for re-repression time. but yeah. frankly, yuffie has long accepted that more of them need to die. less than five. but what she in particular doesn't get is why they chose to do it like. wasn't the whole point of them going into the house to plan to stay out of the eyes of the cult? so why are they killing each other in public when the veil isn't up? it's out of her hands, now, but she hopes they know what they're doing. ]
I wrote Lavi a letter to tell him to come to this side. I don't know if it'll sway him... but. I told him I want him here. He should put himself first for once. Because I know he wants to be on this side... you know.
[ with kanda. ]
no subject
What she says, though, sparks so many more conflicted feelings. Exhaustion and frustration, from not knowing what to expect, from being helpless to do anything about it. And underneath that, a quiet, stilted combination of loneliness and gratitude. It's the first time he's really believed that anyone here might feel close to the way he does, at least in this way. She knows what it means to be kept apart from the people she's known the longest.]
...He's not supposed to want things. [He figures she knows that, but he'll say it just in case.] If they need him, he'll stay.
[It's hardly the first time they've worked separately. And it's probably objectively better if Lavi does stay--having one exorcist on either side doesn't mean what it normally would for them, but it would still be useful, especially if they pay to get powers back. They've all but settled on using some of their rocks to ensure the safety of even those left behind, so chances are good that Lavi will be okay regardless. But those thoughts do nothing to make him feel better.]
no subject
[ she drifts a little closer to him as she picks up his feelings. she doesn't comment on them, doesn't try to draw too much attention. but the bone-deep exhaustion and frustration at being helpless is echoed back at him. the guilt about being here is somewhere in there, eclipsed by everything else. nervousness about not knowing what's going on with them. but also, just. the idea that she's here. she's not his companion from home, but they're friends, and they've been through enough here that she has come to consider something like her own party member. the feeling she's transmitting is that it goes both ways. ]
Yeah, the whole... Bookman thing. [ which is its own separate issue. but she does get it, and she nods ] I know. We talked about it before. But I did try.
[ and yuffie does think it's a done deal that they're spending these rocks on making sure the living get over here safely. partially because she figures the rest of the people here feel similarly about making sure the living get here safely. but mostly because she is prepared to 1 vs 1 anyone who might argue ]
no subject
[He'd talked it over with Aerith, a little. Trying to explain why he didn't know for sure what Lavi would choose, despite knowing him so well otherwise. But he hadn't mentioned this, really. The toll Lavi's duty takes on him. The way he's devoted to it anyway. If Lavi does stay--more than anything else, Kanda suspects, it'll be because he feels the need to see it through. To observe until the end.
But Yuffie is right. He does deserve to be selfish. And he deserves to hear it, too. So:]
...Thanks.
[For writing him, and telling him the things Kanda couldn't. For being here with him right now, even though he was never good at supporting her on the other side. Regardless of where they all end up, or how this plays out--he appreciates that.]
no subject
Of course.
[ normally she might brag about how how she's such a great friend (and he'd be able to tell from emotion share that she doesn't actually believe it), but this conversation warrants a little less bluster. ]
... If he does stay, then... when next we see him, we can beat the shit out of him. How does that sound?
[ the actual feeling is warmth, (not het, platonic) though. for him. disgusting ]
no subject
That was always the plan.
[LAVI BETTER RUN.]