[Kanda with his shortass temper, but Lucas likes keeping everyone at arm's length himself, so he doesn't tend to delve into sentiments that he thinks might hit a little too close to home for any party involved. It's a touch easier, though still just as honest, to discuss the truths of their organization's failings. Or rather, the failings of the people who make those organizations.
He just thinks for a quiet second about the god he'd spent so long worshipping, and the god that he'd grown up with; two different things, both equally cold, callous, distant.]
People will also find ways to justify what they feel they need to do, even if it goes against the mercy and benevolence of a kind God. [A light, quiet sigh.] But I believe the tendency to do such things is why conflict exists even without an external force to fight.
[When lacking in real demons or Akuma, humans just become that. He's a perfect example.]
[There really are a lot of inter-human conflicts, aren't there... Kanda, ironically, is pretty far removed from most of them, his life (lives) devoted to the Holy War--but he's not oblivious to them, even if they mainly enter his awareness as sources of rampant Akuma creation. Lucas is right: Nothing drives people to desperation like senseless violence.
But anyway. Redirecting back to Lucas--]
If you realize they were fucking with you now, is it because you're away from them?
[Me like would Kanda even know about drug withdrawals. I don't know. But he's seen enough people start questioning their faith and support of the Order that it's not a big logical leap to think that distance has done something to clear his mind. If nothing else, memshare--the very one Lucas saw, actually--helped Kanda realize that his mind isn't right at the moment either, so there are lots of possibilities.]
[People are wild and will continue to be wild forever, is the crux of so many stories here. ANYWAY DON'T JUST REDIRECT IT TO HIM HE HATES IT HERE.]
Essentially. I haven't taken any of their medicines since I arrived here, and Nehan has been working with me to help flush everything out of my system, so my head is much clearer now.
[Unlike weeks ago when he was still super insane and thought his god was telling him to kill one last person as a final trial in order to save Nadia and he punched a man's heart out of his chest thinking it'd get him to heaven.]
[HE WILL REDIRECT!!! LUCAS YOU STARTED THIS CONVERSATION
He considers this for a little while, but--really, it's most of what he needed to know. He hadn't been hard to convince once he'd learned Ichiban's death wasn't related to monsters, as it wasn't a threat he had to worry about. He'd had no intention of investigating over here, though it's not like he doesn't understand why Lucas felt the need to confess.
So he's quiet, deliberating--but eventually he asks a rare personal question. Just one more.]
[LISTEN. MAYBE SO!!!! BUT HE WAS JUST GOING TO CONFESS TO KILLING ICHIBAN AND LEAVE IT AT THAT it's not his fault the fog decided to make this into a deep painful dip into their respective pasts.
It's funny because he hasn't really talked to Kanda in a deep or serious enough context to really understand how rare personal questions are. But he's conversed with him and seen enough of him to understand that this is a question he didn't have to ask, and one Lucas doesn't have to answer, but will anyway.]
I'll return to Nadia and get her away from that place. Then, I'll take Ortie's life, so he can't harm anyone else. The Society may not crumble without him, but it will be toothless.
[When the lethal weapon you raise comes back to supermurder you.]
[(cult voice) I didn't think the leopards would eat MY face
But that's... fair enough, he thinks. It's the pursuit of freedom, in a way. And it's not like Kanda has a better suggestion for him. Despite the deep anger and hatred in his heart, he's never been the one desperate to tear it all apart--but he's always had patience for Alma, the one who wanted to. He can extend that here, especially when it has nothing to do with him.]
Alright.
[That's enough for him to leave it be. He believes Lucas isn't a threat, and--as for things like atonement, or forgiveness, or whatever else... those aren't his business either way. It's not like Kanda isn't a sinner in his own right anyway.]
There's a flicker of something complicated in his expression, there and gone. He's not really looking for absolution by confessing; it's the genuine understanding that it'd be shitty of him to go on pretending like everything is normal when he's the only person here who killed for personal gain. But it's always strange when he's met with responses like this. Ones that don't decry him.
He's too selfish to reject it, though.]
...In any case... I should take my leave. That was all I wished to share. Thank you for listening.
[THE NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG AND I WILL FREE US FROM THIS THREAD.]
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no subject
He just thinks for a quiet second about the god he'd spent so long worshipping, and the god that he'd grown up with; two different things, both equally cold, callous, distant.]
People will also find ways to justify what they feel they need to do, even if it goes against the mercy and benevolence of a kind God. [A light, quiet sigh.] But I believe the tendency to do such things is why conflict exists even without an external force to fight.
[When lacking in real demons or Akuma, humans just become that. He's a perfect example.]
no subject
But anyway. Redirecting back to Lucas--]
If you realize they were fucking with you now, is it because you're away from them?
[Me like would Kanda even know about drug withdrawals. I don't know. But he's seen enough people start questioning their faith and support of the Order that it's not a big logical leap to think that distance has done something to clear his mind. If nothing else, memshare--the very one Lucas saw, actually--helped Kanda realize that his mind isn't right at the moment either, so there are lots of possibilities.]
no subject
Essentially. I haven't taken any of their medicines since I arrived here, and Nehan has been working with me to help flush everything out of my system, so my head is much clearer now.
[Unlike weeks ago when he was still super insane and thought his god was telling him to kill one last person as a final trial in order to save Nadia and he punched a man's heart out of his chest thinking it'd get him to heaven.]
no subject
He considers this for a little while, but--really, it's most of what he needed to know. He hadn't been hard to convince once he'd learned Ichiban's death wasn't related to monsters, as it wasn't a threat he had to worry about. He'd had no intention of investigating over here, though it's not like he doesn't understand why Lucas felt the need to confess.
So he's quiet, deliberating--but eventually he asks a rare personal question. Just one more.]
What are you going to do if we get out of here?
[Won't they expect him back?]
no subject
It's funny because he hasn't really talked to Kanda in a deep or serious enough context to really understand how rare personal questions are. But he's conversed with him and seen enough of him to understand that this is a question he didn't have to ask, and one Lucas doesn't have to answer, but will anyway.]
I'll return to Nadia and get her away from that place. Then, I'll take Ortie's life, so he can't harm anyone else. The Society may not crumble without him, but it will be toothless.
[When the lethal weapon you raise comes back to supermurder you.]
no subject
But that's... fair enough, he thinks. It's the pursuit of freedom, in a way. And it's not like Kanda has a better suggestion for him. Despite the deep anger and hatred in his heart, he's never been the one desperate to tear it all apart--but he's always had patience for Alma, the one who wanted to. He can extend that here, especially when it has nothing to do with him.]
Alright.
[That's enough for him to leave it be. He believes Lucas isn't a threat, and--as for things like atonement, or forgiveness, or whatever else... those aren't his business either way. It's not like Kanda isn't a sinner in his own right anyway.]
no subject
There's a flicker of something complicated in his expression, there and gone. He's not really looking for absolution by confessing; it's the genuine understanding that it'd be shitty of him to go on pretending like everything is normal when he's the only person here who killed for personal gain. But it's always strange when he's met with responses like this. Ones that don't decry him.
He's too selfish to reject it, though.]
...In any case... I should take my leave. That was all I wished to share. Thank you for listening.
[THE NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG AND I WILL FREE US FROM THIS THREAD.]