[HE GETS BONKED..... as he deserves... he refuses to let this dissuade him from leaning down to hover in front of Kanda's beautiful face,]
I'll be quiet, promise.
[he doesn't want to get caught by link either.... link would be the world's most annoying homophobe fr fr
but he also refuses to let the idea of link stand in the way of HIM AND KANDA!!! which is why he will attempt a quick smooch... just a little smooch... a smoochie perhaps]
[He's a homophobic homosexual... no straight person is that weird about Lvellie of all people
Kanda ROLLS HIS EYES but so graciously does not stab Lavi... wow. He'd never, ever admit it, but he was slowly getting used to Lavi's open and persistent affection during their travels, and it's kind of weird to be so suddenly bereft of it. So even though he's being his usual moody self, he kisses back without much hesitation, hooking his free hand loosely in Lavi's scarf.
Granted, it's not like they're being forced to hide this--nobody's going to scold Lavi in Bookman's place, and while Allen would absolutely be daring enough to comment and provoke Kanda's wrath, he's got other things on his mind right now. Still, despite the inconvenience of sneaking around, Kanda much prefers things this way for now. It's complicated enough to navigate his own thoughts and feelings about this relationship without adding other people's opinions into the mix. And... really, Kanda's just a private person. He likes having something for himself, something that, while partially born from the Order and its darkness, has yet to be defiled by it. Stolen kisses like this are more things he can tuck away in his heart, right alongside Alma's last moments.
But that doesn't stop him from being rude when they break apart... muttered:]
[Lavi's not afraid of what the others would say -- not Allen or Johnny or Link -- because they wouldn't understand the immensity of it all. They would never understand what it means for Lavi to kiss Kanda under the moonlight as himself, and not as "Lavi". Only two people in the entire world would understand -- and one's missing and the other is standing right in front of him, hand tangled in his scarf.
Maybe Lavi's only hiding because deception is so ingrained within him, but what was once second nature is starting to itch. He can hide if Kanda wants, but he can't deny that he'd prefer getting to hold Kanda's hand whenever he likes, without accounting for whoever is around them.
But as much as he just wants to kiss Kanda again, he settles for pressing his hand over Kanda's, expression turning thoughtful as he thinks about plot and not horny...]
If we wanna find Apocryphos and get the heart, then shouldn't we stick with Allen? Since this guy's apparently obsessed with him.
[which makes Lavi think about everyone else obsessed with Allen....]
He's been trouble from day one, just like his shitty perverted general. [Fucking ALLEN AND CROSS!!! GOD.
But, mm. Lavi's not wrong--sticking with Allen wouldn't be a bad idea. Kanda may have reclaimed the title of exorcist, but it's not like he's particularly enthusiastic about going back to the Order, at least not until they've discussed their suspicions and put some kind of plan in place. And there's no telling what's going on with the Fourteenth; Kanda still remembers coming back to the room to find Johnny knocked unconscious, a cold, distant expression on Allen's face. That could happen again at any time, and someone needs to be there if it does.
And yet, Kanda also remembers fighting that thing. Apocryphos. The excruciating pain in his head--the weeks, months, of fighting with his own memory in Scawwy, of knowing he couldn't trust himself without knowing why. Every time he thinks about it, he feels his blood boil; forget the threat to Allen and humanity, Kanda very much wants to track their enemy down and rip it apart out of personal vengeance.
On his own, he'd likely stick with Allen for the same reasons Lavi's laid out. But when he thinks of Lavi going up against Apocryphos, of Lavi screaming in agony as feathers burst from his eyes, he can't help but feel uncomfortable. Reluctant.
It's childish and sentimental, both incredibly dangerous ways of thinking. He's mad at himself for hesitating even this much. There is no running and hiding from danger--they've both given up the chance of that many times over by now. He can't shield Lavi. It's stupid to want to. And it's undeniably frightening that knowing how stupid it is isn't helping at all.
His grip on Lavi's scarf tightens slightly; he presses his lips together and looks to the side, taking a moment to try and pull himself back together. He should've just gone to bed, damn.]
...I don't know if I trust Beansprout's story. [THANKFULLY he has something else he can latch onto, instead of having to think about his terrible and dangerous FEELINGS] I don't think he's lying, but... there's too much weirdness around this Mana guy.
[Lavi listens closely like he always does, watching with his usual keen eye -- made keener by the fact that their relationship is changed from before -- that when he sees Kanda, he no longer looks at him with that precise Bookman lens. Not at a distance, but up close, physically and emotionally. So it doesn't take much for Lavi to notice Kanda's discomfort, eye tracking the press of Kanda's lips and averted gaze. Irritation takes on so many shades, especially on Kanda -- and this specific one doesn't involve Lavi exactly.
'He's annoyed with himself,' Lavi realizes, and while that is clear as day -- the why is a little harder to figure out. A normal person would reach out and try to reassure, and Lavi would if this was anyone else -- but he's learned what works with Kanda and what doesn't. He hums under his breath, drawing his thumb back and forth slowly over Kanda's hand,]
We know that memories can be messed with, so I think it's worth questioning.
[He doesn't disagree, pausing as he flips through his memory for everything he's heard about Mana Walker -- but all he knows is what everyone else already has. Maybe if Gramps was here instead of him...
then again, if Bookman was here, then he'd make a different decision.]
I didn't think of the past when I made my wish -- so whatever memory bullshit happened back then is probably still in effect now.
[but at least this way they can safeguard themselves from Apocryphos trying to mindmeld them in the future... at least... not without permission]
[It's a small gesture, but it feels nice anyway--comforting, even though Kanda would, of course, adamantly deny needing anything even remotely resembling comfort. His grip on Lavi's scarf isn't particularly tight to begin with, but his hand relaxes the slightest bit anyway.]
Mm. [Haha yeah who would want their memories changed.... probably a lot of people tbh BUT NOT THEM!!! Kanda's had enough of that shit THANK YOU VERY MUCH.] Well, we can't fix that, [at least as far as Kanda knows] so there's only one other way to check.
[And as much as he would love to storm off and chop Apocryphos into microscopic pieces... right now, he would much rather drag Lavi off on some grave-robbing adventure instead. It's definitely a stupidly sentimental choice, but--as long as they're following a legitimate lead, Kanda can pretend like it's not running.]
[Maybe Lavi should question this decision more, argue in favor of staying with Allen, but he's not sure how much of that is because he cares about Allen as a friend or because he knows he's a vital piece of history. and if it's more of the latter, then shouldn't he resist? he can't return to a path he's decided to break free from. but he also didn't know it'd be like this -- that he'd have to make these conscious decisions over and over again, instead of just a single clean break.
he curls his hand around Kanda's again, but this time it's more to comfort him,]
Okay. Then that's what we'll do. We can leave after Allen tells us his plans.
[if that's where Kanda will go, then that's where Lavi will follow. a slight, teasing smile spreads across his face,]
And then we can be alone again.
[what about tiedoll -- well listen.... is he here yet maybe he isn't]
[FUCKING HELP, LAVI!!!! Predictably, Kanda doesn't look impressed, but at least that answer eases a little bit of his tension. He hadn't really expected Lavi to fight him too hard, especially knowing how out of his depth Lavi must be feeling right now, but it's still nice to slip back into these silly topics, as if they're just two normal people who aren't partially responsible for the fate of humanity.
[if Kanda was any other person asking Lavi this, then Lavi would wonder if this is JEALOUSY instead of torturous hypotheticals… but it is indeed Kanda asking, so that means he’s just being mean not jealous… Lavi considers it anyway, his grin turning rueful. His track record with kidnappings has been pretty bad lately…]
I'll tell him not to worry so much. [he gives Kanda’s hand a soft, lingering kiss] That there’s no place safer than being with you.
[kanda is also the only person who has killed a Noah? even though their track record with Noah in general is Unfortunate]
[Not Lavi being like "look at my cute boyfriend having fun being mean to me"]
That's not what I meant, stupid. [Lavi's thinking isn't necessarily wrong--the Allen of a few months ago, the one Lavi remembers, would've wanted them to stick together in the face of the unknown, if only so that he could swoop in to protect them if need be. Kanda, on the other hand, thinks of the Allen that tried so hard to flee--the boy who needed to be tackled and handcuffed, and who refused to share a single detail about his situation even then, so terrified was he of dragging anyone else down with him.
But Allen can be ruthless in his own way, too. And nothing matters more to Allen than dealing with this. That much was clear long before he broke down and told them his truth. Before he fled the Order, even. And maybe Kanda is just too cynical after spending his life at the Order, but he can't help thinking that if Allen were to take advantage of anything right now, it would be the vast knowledge of a Bookman housed within the soft heart of a friend.
But Kanda doesn't feel like saying any of that, even though he's the one who turned the conversation serious in the first place. Listen. This is too much brainpower to waste on Allen Walker, as far as he's concerned?? He just wants to bully now...]
Johnny's not going anywhere, and neither is that piece of shit CROW. If the Beansprout drags us off with him, too, then...
[LAVI LIKES IT WHEN KANDA SMILES.... AND KANDA ONLY SMILES AT DOGS AND WHEN HE'S BEING MEAN TO LAVI!!! this is how the masochist rumors start...
Lavi tilts his head to the side, having absolutely zero idea that Kanda is thinking gay introspective gay thoughts about Allen. He is technically all caught up with recent events and upheavals, etc etc, but he still hasn't seen all those differences in real time.... so he'd probably appreciate hearing all of Kanda's THOUGHTS about ALLEN but instead Kanda just changes the subject..... thanks kanda,
instead Lavi tucks Kanda's hand under his cheek like he's a big ole baby,]
Then... I guess we'll have to tell them that we're together! That way I can kiss you without caring about what they think.
[his eye is clearly shining with mischief, clearly enjoying this hypothetical scenario where Lavi gives up on privacy and becomes an exhibitionist with Kanda]
Also yeah listen Lavi does NOT need to know his Allen thoughts?? These thoughts Kanda doesn't want to be having??? Allen is still as annoying as ever and he's also the cause of at least 50% of their problems, okay, just because Kanda dragged them here doesn't mean he's happy about it.
Anyway FORGET ALLEN he immediately makes a grouchy tsun face]
I'd kill you, Stupid Rabbit. [Lavi's organs won't have any more privacy when Kanda cuts him in half for horny crimes]
[This is truly the perfect time to say something annoying back, like 'nooo don't kill me ur so sexy aha :3c', and thus invite even more violence upon his person. Instead, Lavi takes a moment to appreciate having all of Kanda's attention on him. Maybe he does value privacy after all... He sidles closer, reaching out with his free hand to brush a few stray strands of hair from Kanda's face.
Kanda is truly the kind of person who looks magnificent no matter what he's doing, but he looks particularly striking when framed by moonlight, which is such a soppy thing to think about anyone... and more importantly, would probably get Kanda to make fun of him for thinking that at all... but if Lavi cared about being made fun of then he'd have never stuck by Kanda for this long. And now after all this time, he only has more reason to stay with him.]
Guess I'll have to convince Allen to let us go then. That way I can kiss you in private.
[It's still strange, the way this side of Lavi has begun to emerge more and more. Even though Kanda is the one who wanted this from him, and even though he'd seen more sincerity from Lavi than most long before they wound up in Scawwy, Kanda's still used to the facade. He knows what to expect from the Lavi who would've made the annoying comment, the one who would've thrown an arm around his shoulders and laughed loudly as Kanda drove him away with his blade.
It's not that he doesn't like this Lavi--the one who's looking at him with such a soft, fond expression, who reaches out for him with gentle affection. He's just not used to it, yet. He knows how to react when Lavi pokes and prods at him, and most other times, he simply says or does whatever he wants, and lets Lavi decide how he wants to shape himself around that. But sometimes, in moments like this one, he finds himself feeling caught off-guard.
He's never known how to sit with uncertainty. And he doesn't want to get caught up in his thoughts right now, not when he deliberately changed the subject to avoid doing exactly that. So instead of saying anything in response, he just tightens his grip on Lavi's scarf and yanks him down into a kiss. If anyone in the house wakes up, well... they'll go right back to sleep, if they know what's good for them.]
[Lavi's eye goes comically wide as he's yanked down, caught off-guard like a FOOL, because who else would be this surprised by their own boyfriend kissing them... Except Kanda rarely kisses him? It's normally Lavi kissing him first and then Kanda kissing him back? He's used to Kanda's take-charge attitude in everything but this, apparently, evident by his now rosy cheeks, flustered and pleased. He wraps an arm around Kanda's waist, pulling him in closer, and slides the other behind Kanda's head, thumb brushing his cheekbone. Warm, so warm -- the heat from Kanda's mouth, his lips -- Lavi parts his in answer, tempted to take the lead but willing to let Kanda do whatever he likes, like always.]
Yuu,
[he repeats between kisses and ragged breath, enjoying the sound of Kanda's name, of knowing that he's the only person in their ragtag group who can.
as much as he'd enjoy kissing Kanda like this in front of them, he likes this just as much too. putting the mask down is terrifying and against everything he's known and learned, but moments like these carved between them -- it feels electrifying, having at just one person be his witness,]
[It really is worth it all just to watch Lavi's face change like that, every time. He likes it even more than the actual kissing (which Kanda does enjoy, something that also surprises Kanda himself). There's just something deeply satisfying about knocking Lavi off-kilter, about the shock in his expression and the flush that blooms under his skin every time Kanda shows he wants this. Whether it's another outlet for his innate violent tendencies, or it's some subconscious reassurance he gets from having Lavi so openly wanting, even Kanda doesn't know. He doesn't care, really, as long as he gets to keep it, even if it's only for a little while.
He doesn't expect forever from Lavi. They don't even have a guaranteed tomorrow. But Kanda can't imagine himself daring to try and love again, after this. So whatever Lavi wants, whatever Lavi gives him in return, be it bracelets or magic wishes or red cheeks and wide eyes and that soft, wanting tone of voice--he'll keep it all tucked away inside his chest, until there's nothing else left to add, one way or another.
He doesn't speak in response to his name, but he does shift their bodies around to the side of the house, moving them further away from the light, and especially away from the door. He presses Lavi against the wall, not hard enough to break Lavi's hold on him, but enough to put a little space between them. Just enough so that he can let go of Lavi's scarf and press that hand against Lavi's stomach instead--and to look at Lavi's face as he does so, studying him...]
You really like this. [in the tone of "damn normal humans really get horny so easily"]
[the sound of JUDGEMENT should put a damper on Lavi's extreme ardor, but it unfortunately does not..... because he's so stupidly fond of this particular note of Kanda's voice, (as if he's not obsessed with all of them), and maybe that's why he spent so many years riling Kanda up just to hear it. That, and the charged atmosphere helps keep his face flushed and the gleam in his eye dark, despite the way Kanda sounds so unaffected and like his usual self. Lavi can't do the same, not when he can feel the pressure of Kanda's hand with every shaky inhale and exhale, not when they're further from the door and now Lavi's the one pressed against the wall.
he reaches up to tug the scarf loose, half because of the heat, and half because he's thinking of Kanda's mouth against his throat, as unrelenting as his hand. Lavi swallows, adam's apple bobbing, hopeful and expectant --]
I like everything you do.
[it's not so much an observation as it is a confession, emotional instead of distant. maybe lacking a little foresight because Kanda could do something Lavi REALLY doesn't like, like stab him.... or even worse, end this small flowering thing between them as easily as he would anything else. but Lavi pulls his mind from wandering down that path. he doesn't want to think of endings, and he doesn't want to think of all the numerous ways it could lead to that. he just wants to think about this -- how Kanda keeping him pinned is driving him a little crazy actually, like he can't choose between baring his throat or pulling Kanda closer to kiss him again.]
[Lavi can't choose, so Kanda chooses for him, leaning a little further into him to mouth at Lavi's bared throat, his own whims aligning with Lavi's fantasies--perhaps by chance? Or maybe out of a growing sense of understanding, of Kanda slowly learning to pay attention to Lavi's cues the same way he once had to on the battlefield. He can't watch Lavi's expressions like this, but it's worth the sacrifice when he can feel Lavi's breathing, every time he swallows or gasps or tries to make a sound, even if nothing comes out.
Does he want to leave a mark in such a conspicuous spot? It's hard to decide. On the one hand, he likes how easy it is to reduce Lavi to mush with so little work on his own part--not to mention the way his own body heals away any bites and bruises, which is... complicated, but in this case, it means Lavi can't get revenge. And it would amuse him to watch Lavi try to hide it, or to force him to come up with some kind of excuse. Would he think up something ahead of time, and laugh it off smoothly? Or would he blush and make that shy expression that Kanda's only ever seen in their private time? A part of Kanda wants to know.
On the other hand, their companions aren't as stupid as Kanda likes to claim. Sooner or later, they'll notice something's changed, and Lavi's an excellent liar, but that might not stop them from putting two and two together. Kanda's not ready for that, yet. And if he does decide that everyone else gets to know, he doesn't want it to come out like this.
As he ponders, he drops his hand between Lavi's legs, pressing--not too hard, but certainly enough to be felt. It'd make him seem overly eager if it wasn't for his demeanor, which makes it blatantly obvious that he's just checking Lavi's horny levels... Lavi really signed up to bang the world's least seductive man]
I thought you'd be pickier. [Though...] I guess it makes sense that you're not.
[The way this could be either a sweet observation of "it makes sense because you're learning you're identity" or a rudeass "it makes sense because you're easy as fck"]
[Kanda leans in and Lavi's eye flutters closed, tilting his head back as he focuses on the shape of Kanda's mouth on his throat, skin warming in anticipation -- and the rest of him too, naturally, pleasure humming along the base of his spine, down to his stomach, and then lower where Kanda's hand is occupied. If his obvious interest isn't enough of a sign, then the sharp inhale when Kanda touches him probably helps. He can tell that Kanda is touching him without an ounce of seduction in mind, but his body responds anyway, eager to make up for all that time he spent standing apart from Kanda, acting as if everything is still normal between them. It should be embarrassing, but Lavi doesn't have much shame when it comes to his own body -- he's shy about certain things, but not about the effect Kanda has on him.
Which reminds him,]
Aw, that hurts, Yuu.
[wow is kanda calling him a slut (general)......... that's so MEAN]
I said I like everything, but only cause it's you.
[he's only slutty for kanda.......... he can't imagine feeling this way with anyone else. he can get turned on, sure, but the way every iota of his body is utterly attuned to what Kanda's doing? he'll never feel vulnerable with anyone else, or want them to see him like Kanda does.
even if he does think he's EASY, that's fine then. only Kanda will get to see this side of him anyway]
[Kanda is half-convinced that nothing he could do could actually hurt Lavi if Lavi wasn't even put off by a GENUINE MURDER ATTEMPT--but that's also part of the reason they're here. Kanda never would've tolerated him for long if Lavi had genuinely had problems with his acerbic personality, let alone developed any remotely romantic inclinations.
He doesn't respond to the rest, which probably isn't surprising. Not because he doesn't believe Lavi, because he does; after everything they went through during Scawwy, everything he saw from Lavi, he has no choice but to accept the truth in Lavi's sentiments, despite failing to acknowledge it verbally. But, well--even if he did know what to say to such sweet sincerity, Kanda simply prefers not to waste his energy on words.
Instead, he pulls his mouth away from Lavi's throat to look at his face again. HIS EYES NARROW... but after a long pause, he huffs, reaching to undo Lavi's pants so he can get his hand inside more easily.]
Don't be loud. [Lavi can have a little reward for being so well-behaved, he GUESSES......... it's definitely only that, and not because Kanda wants this little stolen moment too--the sound of Lavi's breathing and the racing of his heart even sharper like this, hidden in the darkness. It has nothing to do with feeling so out of sorts about everything else they need to think about now, and it's most certainly not because Kanda's grateful he didn't have to argue with Lavi to keep them off of Apocryphos's radar a little longer.]
[Normally when Kanda NARROWS his eyes at him, it's a sign of either a.) imminent violence or b.) a long prelude where Kanda is considering imminent violence, and while Lavi enjoys said violence, he's not sure he likes it as much when Kanda has his hand on the most vulnerable parts of his body.... that's scary..... He's (gif voice) scared and horny... And yet, he keeps still, curious to see what Kanda does next.
What he doesn't anticipate is Kanda pulling his belt loose -- and despite Kanda's order for silence, Lavi's sharp intake of breath sounds so loud in the utter quiet -- the rustling of clothing and Lavi's own heartbeat just as thunderous. If only he had the presence of mind to worry about whatever noise he might be making -- he's too riveted by the solid feeling of Kanda's palm, his long elegant fingers, and the fact that Kanda's indulging instead of smacking Lavi to cure him of his horny.
It's not like Lavi's complaining, far from it -- what he really wants is to be his natural self... aka... LOUD..... but maybe he still wants to be well-behaved, tugging Kanda closer to him instead so he can capture his lips in a kiss, using his mouth to muffle every little wanting noise and gasp.
[Lavi really is so loud... everything about him is, from his restless little movements to those poorly muffled sounds that he's trying to swallow down. It should be irritating--it is, half the time--but right now, Kanda finds he doesn't mind. He's in a weird mood after everything they talked about today, more than a little restless himself, the way he often is when too many things are out of his hands, when too many problems can't be solved by a simple swing of his sword. Maybe it's selfish to grasp for control like this, especially when chances are low that he'd let Lavi do the same in reverse--but Kanda isn't the type to stop and ask him if he's sure, and besides, Lavi technically started this anyway. IT'S PROBABLY FINE.
More importantly, Kanda resists briefly, mostly out of reflex. After a second, though, he realizes that if anyone were to catch them out here, they're already far past the point of plausible deniability,,, even if he has the reflexes to jump back and pretend like he was about to chop Lavi's head off, it would not explain Lavi's PANTS, so what's the point of faking it? Better to give Lavi what he wants and help him stay quiet in the process. Nice logic, Kanda, very romantic.
Imagine if he said "good boy" and gave Lavi a new kink. HE DOESN'T--but he does bite Lavi's lip in warning, because 1. he's rude and 2. he doesn't have any long-term planning skills]
[yes.... when kanda bites lavi's lip he absolutely takes it as a warning... yeah.... only a warning..... very professional.... nothing else to see here especially of the horny variety
Lavi makes yet another sound as Kanda chomps down, literally the opposite of what Kanda wants him to do which is to be QUIET, but he can't not react -- not when Kanda is full of sharp edges, not when each and every one draws Lavi in, too fascinated to resist. He sees it as the warning it is, but he's feeling something else, the satisfaction of having Kanda's attention on him, of not simply walking off and leaving him behind. He likes that Kanda's here with him, and that if he does go, he'll give Lavi the chance to follow.
Just like now, as Lavi's hips move to meet Kanda's grip, his own hands reaching for the front of Kanda's coat, intent on pulling buttons loose so he can reach in and touch him too. Kanda told him to be quiet, but he didn't tell him to hold still? and maybe it's Lavi's turn to check KANDA'S horny level, in which Lavi has a very strong, vested interest in knowing, like he does with everything about Kanda.
Kanda is really out here like :/ well whatever i better shut this stupid idiot up with my mouth while Lavi is like (flushed) kyah kanda is shutting me up with his sexy mouth.]
[Trust Lavi to do the OPPOSITE of what Kanda is trying to tell him, GOD. Kanda wants to be annoyed about it, he really does, but it's harder when he's the one who reached out, who tucked them away into the darkness like this and discarded caution in favor of want. Not that Kanda's ever really needed to justify his bad attitude, but... he wanted to take Lavi apart. If he complains about getting what he wanted, there's a chance Lavi might take it the wrong way--a slim one, but a chance nonetheless.
This has nothing to do with what Kanda may or may not like... that's irrelevant... by which I mean Kanda's not bothering to think about it right now, which is basically the same thing, right? Right.
He bats Lavi's hands away with his free one, shaking his head slightly.]
No time. [He mutters it, voice low. Realistically, if no one's come out to find them yet, they're probably fine--but Kanda isn't willing to take that risk when LINK and ALLEN are right inside. BUT APPARENTLY IT'S FINE IF IT'S LAVI.... OKAY KANDA]
[KANDA CAN U THINK ABOUT THE THINGS U LIKE OR DON'T LIKE!!!!
If Lavi had enough of his wits about him, then he'd probably make a dry comment or two about who exactly is taking the risk here -- but the more Kanda touches him, the more his thoughts scatter, ebbing and flowing with every stroke. instead, he's starting to think with his feelings, something Lavi never does, and yet always ends up doing when Kanda's involved. just like he is now, pulling sensation after sensation from Lavi, demanding more despite the many masks.
later, Lavi will turn this moment around in his head, wondering what exactly made Kanda want to reach out in the first place. wondering about the reason why and whether they can do it again, so that next time it's Kanda gasping in the moonlight, shaking under Lavi's grip.
but now Lavi is the one trembling, fidgeting once again, pressing close and then leaning back like he can't decide, blood and heartbeat thrumming through him, frenetic and hot. he lets out a shaky chuckle that turns abruptly into a gasp, a brief moment passing as he tries to gather his disheveled thoughts, to formulate enough words beyond a stifled moan,]
I'll be quick.
[his hands stray back, settling on Kanda's waist, so close and yet so far, and when he leans forward, the moonlight illuminates the sheen in his green eye,]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I'll be quiet, promise.
[he doesn't want to get caught by link either.... link would be the world's most annoying homophobe fr fr
but he also refuses to let the idea of link stand in the way of HIM AND KANDA!!! which is why he will attempt a quick smooch... just a little smooch... a smoochie perhaps]
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Kanda ROLLS HIS EYES but so graciously does not stab Lavi... wow. He'd never, ever admit it, but he was slowly getting used to Lavi's open and persistent affection during their travels, and it's kind of weird to be so suddenly bereft of it. So even though he's being his usual moody self, he kisses back without much hesitation, hooking his free hand loosely in Lavi's scarf.
Granted, it's not like they're being forced to hide this--nobody's going to scold Lavi in Bookman's place, and while Allen would absolutely be daring enough to comment and provoke Kanda's wrath, he's got other things on his mind right now. Still, despite the inconvenience of sneaking around, Kanda much prefers things this way for now. It's complicated enough to navigate his own thoughts and feelings about this relationship without adding other people's opinions into the mix. And... really, Kanda's just a private person. He likes having something for himself, something that, while partially born from the Order and its darkness, has yet to be defiled by it. Stolen kisses like this are more things he can tuck away in his heart, right alongside Alma's last moments.
But that doesn't stop him from being rude when they break apart... muttered:]
Don't ignore me. [HE ASKED YOU A QUESTION, BRAT]
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Maybe Lavi's only hiding because deception is so ingrained within him, but what was once second nature is starting to itch. He can hide if Kanda wants, but he can't deny that he'd prefer getting to hold Kanda's hand whenever he likes, without accounting for whoever is around them.
But as much as he just wants to kiss Kanda again, he settles for pressing his hand over Kanda's, expression turning thoughtful as he thinks about plot and not horny...]
If we wanna find Apocryphos and get the heart, then shouldn't we stick with Allen? Since this guy's apparently obsessed with him.
[which makes Lavi think about everyone else obsessed with Allen....]
Allen sure is popular...
[IS THAT THE WORD FOR IT....]
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He's been trouble from day one, just like his shitty perverted general. [Fucking ALLEN AND CROSS!!! GOD.
But, mm. Lavi's not wrong--sticking with Allen wouldn't be a bad idea. Kanda may have reclaimed the title of exorcist, but it's not like he's particularly enthusiastic about going back to the Order, at least not until they've discussed their suspicions and put some kind of plan in place. And there's no telling what's going on with the Fourteenth; Kanda still remembers coming back to the room to find Johnny knocked unconscious, a cold, distant expression on Allen's face. That could happen again at any time, and someone needs to be there if it does.
And yet, Kanda also remembers fighting that thing. Apocryphos. The excruciating pain in his head--the weeks, months, of fighting with his own memory in Scawwy, of knowing he couldn't trust himself without knowing why. Every time he thinks about it, he feels his blood boil; forget the threat to Allen and humanity, Kanda very much wants to track their enemy down and rip it apart out of personal vengeance.
On his own, he'd likely stick with Allen for the same reasons Lavi's laid out. But when he thinks of Lavi going up against Apocryphos, of Lavi screaming in agony as feathers burst from his eyes, he can't help but feel uncomfortable. Reluctant.
It's childish and sentimental, both incredibly dangerous ways of thinking. He's mad at himself for hesitating even this much. There is no running and hiding from danger--they've both given up the chance of that many times over by now. He can't shield Lavi. It's stupid to want to. And it's undeniably frightening that knowing how stupid it is isn't helping at all.
His grip on Lavi's scarf tightens slightly; he presses his lips together and looks to the side, taking a moment to try and pull himself back together. He should've just gone to bed, damn.]
...I don't know if I trust Beansprout's story. [THANKFULLY he has something else he can latch onto, instead of having to think about his terrible and dangerous FEELINGS] I don't think he's lying, but... there's too much weirdness around this Mana guy.
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'He's annoyed with himself,' Lavi realizes, and while that is clear as day -- the why is a little harder to figure out. A normal person would reach out and try to reassure, and Lavi would if this was anyone else -- but he's learned what works with Kanda and what doesn't. He hums under his breath, drawing his thumb back and forth slowly over Kanda's hand,]
We know that memories can be messed with, so I think it's worth questioning.
[He doesn't disagree, pausing as he flips through his memory for everything he's heard about Mana Walker -- but all he knows is what everyone else already has. Maybe if Gramps was here instead of him...
then again, if Bookman was here, then he'd make a different decision.]
I didn't think of the past when I made my wish -- so whatever memory bullshit happened back then is probably still in effect now.
[but at least this way they can safeguard themselves from Apocryphos trying to mindmeld them in the future... at least... not without permission]
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Mm. [Haha yeah who would want their memories changed.... probably a lot of people tbh BUT NOT THEM!!! Kanda's had enough of that shit THANK YOU VERY MUCH.] Well, we can't fix that, [at least as far as Kanda knows] so there's only one other way to check.
[And as much as he would love to storm off and chop Apocryphos into microscopic pieces... right now, he would much rather drag Lavi off on some grave-robbing adventure instead. It's definitely a stupidly sentimental choice, but--as long as they're following a legitimate lead, Kanda can pretend like it's not running.]
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he curls his hand around Kanda's again, but this time it's more to comfort him,]
Okay. Then that's what we'll do. We can leave after Allen tells us his plans.
[if that's where Kanda will go, then that's where Lavi will follow. a slight, teasing smile spreads across his face,]
And then we can be alone again.
[what about tiedoll -- well listen.... is he here yet maybe he isn't]
attempts to phone tag on this weird new phone
Dryly:]
You're assuming he won't want you to go with him.
[Tortures Lavi with hypotheticals just for fun]
UR IPHONE
I'll tell him not to worry so much. [he gives Kanda’s hand a soft, lingering kiss] That there’s no place safer than being with you.
[kanda is also the only person who has killed a Noah? even though their track record with Noah in general is Unfortunate]
STOP I'M TOO POOR FOR AN IPHONE
That's not what I meant, stupid. [Lavi's thinking isn't necessarily wrong--the Allen of a few months ago, the one Lavi remembers, would've wanted them to stick together in the face of the unknown, if only so that he could swoop in to protect them if need be. Kanda, on the other hand, thinks of the Allen that tried so hard to flee--the boy who needed to be tackled and handcuffed, and who refused to share a single detail about his situation even then, so terrified was he of dragging anyone else down with him.
But Allen can be ruthless in his own way, too. And nothing matters more to Allen than dealing with this. That much was clear long before he broke down and told them his truth. Before he fled the Order, even. And maybe Kanda is just too cynical after spending his life at the Order, but he can't help thinking that if Allen were to take advantage of anything right now, it would be the vast knowledge of a Bookman housed within the soft heart of a friend.
But Kanda doesn't feel like saying any of that, even though he's the one who turned the conversation serious in the first place. Listen. This is too much brainpower to waste on Allen Walker, as far as he's concerned?? He just wants to bully now...]
Johnny's not going anywhere, and neither is that piece of shit CROW. If the Beansprout drags us off with him, too, then...
[TRAILS OFF OMINOUSLY... THE LACK OF PRIVACY...]
ur (scawwy voice) nokia....
Lavi tilts his head to the side, having absolutely zero idea that Kanda is thinking gay introspective gay thoughts about Allen. He is technically all caught up with recent events and upheavals, etc etc, but he still hasn't seen all those differences in real time.... so he'd probably appreciate hearing all of Kanda's THOUGHTS about ALLEN but instead Kanda just changes the subject..... thanks kanda,
instead Lavi tucks Kanda's hand under his cheek like he's a big ole baby,]
Then... I guess we'll have to tell them that we're together! That way I can kiss you without caring about what they think.
[his eye is clearly shining with mischief, clearly enjoying this hypothetical scenario where Lavi gives up on privacy and becomes an exhibitionist with Kanda]
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Also yeah listen Lavi does NOT need to know his Allen thoughts?? These thoughts Kanda doesn't want to be having??? Allen is still as annoying as ever and he's also the cause of at least 50% of their problems, okay, just because Kanda dragged them here doesn't mean he's happy about it.
Anyway FORGET ALLEN he immediately makes a grouchy tsun face]
I'd kill you, Stupid Rabbit. [Lavi's organs won't have any more privacy when Kanda cuts him in half for horny crimes]
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Kanda is truly the kind of person who looks magnificent no matter what he's doing, but he looks particularly striking when framed by moonlight, which is such a soppy thing to think about anyone... and more importantly, would probably get Kanda to make fun of him for thinking that at all... but if Lavi cared about being made fun of then he'd have never stuck by Kanda for this long. And now after all this time, he only has more reason to stay with him.]
Guess I'll have to convince Allen to let us go then. That way I can kiss you in private.
[without getting KILLED]
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It's not that he doesn't like this Lavi--the one who's looking at him with such a soft, fond expression, who reaches out for him with gentle affection. He's just not used to it, yet. He knows how to react when Lavi pokes and prods at him, and most other times, he simply says or does whatever he wants, and lets Lavi decide how he wants to shape himself around that. But sometimes, in moments like this one, he finds himself feeling caught off-guard.
He's never known how to sit with uncertainty. And he doesn't want to get caught up in his thoughts right now, not when he deliberately changed the subject to avoid doing exactly that. So instead of saying anything in response, he just tightens his grip on Lavi's scarf and yanks him down into a kiss. If anyone in the house wakes up, well... they'll go right back to sleep, if they know what's good for them.]
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Yuu,
[he repeats between kisses and ragged breath, enjoying the sound of Kanda's name, of knowing that he's the only person in their ragtag group who can.
as much as he'd enjoy kissing Kanda like this in front of them, he likes this just as much too. putting the mask down is terrifying and against everything he's known and learned, but moments like these carved between them -- it feels electrifying, having at just one person be his witness,]
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He doesn't expect forever from Lavi. They don't even have a guaranteed tomorrow. But Kanda can't imagine himself daring to try and love again, after this. So whatever Lavi wants, whatever Lavi gives him in return, be it bracelets or magic wishes or red cheeks and wide eyes and that soft, wanting tone of voice--he'll keep it all tucked away inside his chest, until there's nothing else left to add, one way or another.
He doesn't speak in response to his name, but he does shift their bodies around to the side of the house, moving them further away from the light, and especially away from the door. He presses Lavi against the wall, not hard enough to break Lavi's hold on him, but enough to put a little space between them. Just enough so that he can let go of Lavi's scarf and press that hand against Lavi's stomach instead--and to look at Lavi's face as he does so, studying him...]
You really like this. [in the tone of "damn normal humans really get horny so easily"]
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he reaches up to tug the scarf loose, half because of the heat, and half because he's thinking of Kanda's mouth against his throat, as unrelenting as his hand. Lavi swallows, adam's apple bobbing, hopeful and expectant --]
I like everything you do.
[it's not so much an observation as it is a confession, emotional instead of distant. maybe lacking a little foresight because Kanda could do something Lavi REALLY doesn't like, like stab him.... or even worse, end this small flowering thing between them as easily as he would anything else. but Lavi pulls his mind from wandering down that path. he doesn't want to think of endings, and he doesn't want to think of all the numerous ways it could lead to that. he just wants to think about this -- how Kanda keeping him pinned is driving him a little crazy actually, like he can't choose between baring his throat or pulling Kanda closer to kiss him again.]
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Does he want to leave a mark in such a conspicuous spot? It's hard to decide. On the one hand, he likes how easy it is to reduce Lavi to mush with so little work on his own part--not to mention the way his own body heals away any bites and bruises, which is... complicated, but in this case, it means Lavi can't get revenge. And it would amuse him to watch Lavi try to hide it, or to force him to come up with some kind of excuse. Would he think up something ahead of time, and laugh it off smoothly? Or would he blush and make that shy expression that Kanda's only ever seen in their private time? A part of Kanda wants to know.
On the other hand, their companions aren't as stupid as Kanda likes to claim. Sooner or later, they'll notice something's changed, and Lavi's an excellent liar, but that might not stop them from putting two and two together. Kanda's not ready for that, yet. And if he does decide that everyone else gets to know, he doesn't want it to come out like this.
As he ponders, he drops his hand between Lavi's legs, pressing--not too hard, but certainly enough to be felt. It'd make him seem overly eager if it wasn't for his demeanor, which makes it blatantly obvious that he's just checking Lavi's horny levels... Lavi really signed up to bang the world's least seductive man]
I thought you'd be pickier. [Though...] I guess it makes sense that you're not.
[The way this could be either a sweet observation of "it makes sense because you're learning you're identity" or a rudeass "it makes sense because you're easy as fck"]
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Which reminds him,]
Aw, that hurts, Yuu.
[wow is kanda calling him a slut (general)......... that's so MEAN]
I said I like everything, but only cause it's you.
[he's only slutty for kanda.......... he can't imagine feeling this way with anyone else. he can get turned on, sure, but the way every iota of his body is utterly attuned to what Kanda's doing? he'll never feel vulnerable with anyone else, or want them to see him like Kanda does.
even if he does think he's EASY, that's fine then. only Kanda will get to see this side of him anyway]
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You'll live.
[Kanda is half-convinced that nothing he could do could actually hurt Lavi if Lavi wasn't even put off by a GENUINE MURDER ATTEMPT--but that's also part of the reason they're here. Kanda never would've tolerated him for long if Lavi had genuinely had problems with his acerbic personality, let alone developed any remotely romantic inclinations.
He doesn't respond to the rest, which probably isn't surprising. Not because he doesn't believe Lavi, because he does; after everything they went through during Scawwy, everything he saw from Lavi, he has no choice but to accept the truth in Lavi's sentiments, despite failing to acknowledge it verbally. But, well--even if he did know what to say to such sweet sincerity, Kanda simply prefers not to waste his energy on words.
Instead, he pulls his mouth away from Lavi's throat to look at his face again. HIS EYES NARROW... but after a long pause, he huffs, reaching to undo Lavi's pants so he can get his hand inside more easily.]
Don't be loud. [Lavi can have a little reward for being so well-behaved, he GUESSES......... it's definitely only that, and not because Kanda wants this little stolen moment too--the sound of Lavi's breathing and the racing of his heart even sharper like this, hidden in the darkness. It has nothing to do with feeling so out of sorts about everything else they need to think about now, and it's most certainly not because Kanda's grateful he didn't have to argue with Lavi to keep them off of Apocryphos's radar a little longer.]
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What he doesn't anticipate is Kanda pulling his belt loose -- and despite Kanda's order for silence, Lavi's sharp intake of breath sounds so loud in the utter quiet -- the rustling of clothing and Lavi's own heartbeat just as thunderous. If only he had the presence of mind to worry about whatever noise he might be making -- he's too riveted by the solid feeling of Kanda's palm, his long elegant fingers, and the fact that Kanda's indulging instead of smacking Lavi to cure him of his horny.
It's not like Lavi's complaining, far from it -- what he really wants is to be his natural self... aka... LOUD..... but maybe he still wants to be well-behaved, tugging Kanda closer to him instead so he can capture his lips in a kiss, using his mouth to muffle every little wanting noise and gasp.
that's not quiet lavi well LISTEN he's TRYING!!!]
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More importantly, Kanda resists briefly, mostly out of reflex. After a second, though, he realizes that if anyone were to catch them out here, they're already far past the point of plausible deniability,,, even if he has the reflexes to jump back and pretend like he was about to chop Lavi's head off, it would not explain Lavi's PANTS, so what's the point of faking it? Better to give Lavi what he wants and help him stay quiet in the process. Nice logic, Kanda, very romantic.
Imagine if he said "good boy" and gave Lavi a new kink. HE DOESN'T--but he does bite Lavi's lip in warning, because 1. he's rude and 2. he doesn't have any long-term planning skills]
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Lavi makes yet another sound as Kanda chomps down, literally the opposite of what Kanda wants him to do which is to be QUIET, but he can't not react -- not when Kanda is full of sharp edges, not when each and every one draws Lavi in, too fascinated to resist. He sees it as the warning it is, but he's feeling something else, the satisfaction of having Kanda's attention on him, of not simply walking off and leaving him behind. He likes that Kanda's here with him, and that if he does go, he'll give Lavi the chance to follow.
Just like now, as Lavi's hips move to meet Kanda's grip, his own hands reaching for the front of Kanda's coat, intent on pulling buttons loose so he can reach in and touch him too. Kanda told him to be quiet, but he didn't tell him to hold still? and maybe it's Lavi's turn to check KANDA'S horny level, in which Lavi has a very strong, vested interest in knowing, like he does with everything about Kanda.
Kanda is really out here like :/ well whatever i better shut this stupid idiot up with my mouth while Lavi is like (flushed) kyah kanda is shutting me up with his sexy mouth.]
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This has nothing to do with what Kanda may or may not like... that's irrelevant... by which I mean Kanda's not bothering to think about it right now, which is basically the same thing, right? Right.
He bats Lavi's hands away with his free one, shaking his head slightly.]
No time. [He mutters it, voice low. Realistically, if no one's come out to find them yet, they're probably fine--but Kanda isn't willing to take that risk when LINK and ALLEN are right inside. BUT APPARENTLY IT'S FINE IF IT'S LAVI.... OKAY KANDA]
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If Lavi had enough of his wits about him, then he'd probably make a dry comment or two about who exactly is taking the risk here -- but the more Kanda touches him, the more his thoughts scatter, ebbing and flowing with every stroke. instead, he's starting to think with his feelings, something Lavi never does, and yet always ends up doing when Kanda's involved. just like he is now, pulling sensation after sensation from Lavi, demanding more despite the many masks.
later, Lavi will turn this moment around in his head, wondering what exactly made Kanda want to reach out in the first place. wondering about the reason why and whether they can do it again, so that next time it's Kanda gasping in the moonlight, shaking under Lavi's grip.
but now Lavi is the one trembling, fidgeting once again, pressing close and then leaning back like he can't decide, blood and heartbeat thrumming through him, frenetic and hot. he lets out a shaky chuckle that turns abruptly into a gasp, a brief moment passing as he tries to gather his disheveled thoughts, to formulate enough words beyond a stifled moan,]
I'll be quick.
[his hands stray back, settling on Kanda's waist, so close and yet so far, and when he leans forward, the moonlight illuminates the sheen in his green eye,]
I wanna touch you too.
[but can he be QUIET]
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