sixillusions | [catchall] Karlach

No.

[I'm in a meeting but I couldn't resist]

[WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS]

Okay, then I'm going to go tell everybody what I think I saw, then.

[Oh, that's the worst possible thing she could've said--in an instant, Mugen is out of its sheath and pointed at her. He's standing far enough away that it's more of a warning than a genuine threat, but the anger in his eyes is very, very real, as is the grief that it doesn't quite mask.]

Who the hell do you think you are? It's not enough that you're seeing things whether people like it or not, you can't even pretend to have some goddamn self-control? Hanging around when I told you to fuck off wasn't enough, now you think you have the fucking right--

[But they're still in the void--before he can finish his tirade, the scene blurs, and as if responding to her desire to understand, the rest of the memory plays out.

((CW for body horror from pages 12 onward, especially the last page! I ALSO HAVE THIS SCENE IN VIDEO FORMAT IF THAT'S EASIER TO DIGEST it's just badly chopped together because I have no editing programs lmfksdjhgkjh))]

[that's fair, she really did say it to provoke a reaction out of him.

she's not exactly happy to do it, to get this out of him. it doesn't feel good. but it's something, and when the scene is finished, she drags in a breath.]

You really think I must be a piece of shit if you thought I was serious about spreading your secrets, man. Don't know what I possibly could've done to you to make you think that.

[she says, first.]

... I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

[and it's genuine, for what it's worth.]

[He'd been there for all of it, of course--but it's a very different thing, reliving this moment with a clear mind and an uninjured body. It's never far from his mind, really, but it's shrouded in pain, the heartache intrinsically tangled with the feeling of his body crumbling to pieces, of Alma's panicked voice and hands around his neck.

After all that, the fury is mostly gone, burned up in the blast and replaced with bone-deep weariness. Maybe if he were still enraged, he'd say something like my mistake for thinking you were honest or you've never respected my wishes before, why would you start now?, but he doesn't even have it in him to do that, now. His hand twitches, but then he sheathes his sword again and turns away from her, arms crossed tightly over his body. It's obvious from his body language that he doesn't believe her.

Stiffly:]

Are you happy now?

[she opens her mouth - and then closes it.]

No.

[she says, finally.]

Why would I be happy that I upset you?

You got your answers.

[It isn't even that he thinks she's malicious, necessarily; just that she'd been willing to push for something he hadn't wanted to give, right after seeing how poorly he'd reacted to someone else doing the same. As far as he's concerned, she clearly hadn't thought about what she might've been demanding, and hadn't cared how it would've affected him--and he's used to that, for a lot of reasons and in a lot of ways, but that doesn't make it any easier.

He doesn't put any of that into words; he just keeps his gaze fixed on the void like he's searching for a way out of it, even though, by now, they both know it's futile.]

I don't know what you want from me. You get mad if I ask if you if you want me to pretend I never saw, you get mad if I ask, you get mad if I apologize? You know what? Fuck off.

[she actually sounds a little like she's had her feelings hurt, frustrated, tail lashing back and forth.]

You're so determined to hate me and assume the worst of me. I don't understand, but it isn't as if you'll explain to me why.

Guess I should be used to that. It's not like I was ever human to you anyway.

[If he were a softer, kinder person, maybe he would've explained. If were eloquent and gentle, he might've said, I know it's in your nature to be friendly, but it wasn't an invitation to ask for more, and I wish you'd respected that or It doesn't matter to me what you are, it's about how much this hurt to see--surely I'm not the first who hasn't wanted to get into it?

But he is none of those things. And he has no desire to explain himself--not to her, not to anyone. He doesn't lash out again (at least for now), but he's unmoved by the hurt in her voice, and his own tone is hard, though he can't stop some weariness from leaking through.]

Just shut up until we can get out of here.

[Wouldn't it be funny if they weren't actually trapped in here and he's just standing dramatically for no reason]

[she does as he asks.

she doesn't say anything else - it's not like she could know what he's thinking. she can't explain herself if he won't give her the chance to, can't change his opinion about the kind of person she is. he's already decided. and it's not like he'd be interested in hearing her talk anyway, so. she shuts up.

he can have a memory back, though.]

[It's hard to say how he feels about any of it; he's still turned away from her, but if she's looking at his face at all, his expression is stoic, unreadable. As soon as it ends and the void dissipates, he turns and walks away.

It's cold, maybe. But it's also the best thing he can do for her. Nothing he has to say is anything she'd want to hear, regardless of whether he'd mean it kindly or not. So unless she has any reason to stop him, he leaves her to seek comfort with the sweet and softhearted among them, should she want to.]

[catchall] Karlach

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