sixillusions | [catchall] Caelus

[ FOR YOUR OWN HEART, caelus did check aventurine's body and seemed pretty messed up about it (what kind of monster would have him do that???). he also spoke with boothill and was openly hurt when the trial was ending and shit took a turn. kanda does not need to care about any of that, of course. ]

Hey.

[ soft voice. kanda has that air, as always, that implies he might prefer being alone. while caelus has the aptitude and desire to ignore it most of the time, right now he won't force his presence on anyone.

but it would be nice to hang with kanda. sorry, that's just how he feels. ]

Mind if I sit here?

[Weh... Caelus... your BABY EMOTIONS THAT ARE EVEN MORE BABY THAN KANDA'S

But even though Caelus talks to him often, he hasn't done it in a way that puts Kanda off, so he glances over, then back at the water.]

If you want.

[He cannot imagine anyone thinks he is going to be sweet and comforting, but despite his overall preference for solitude, he does understand the power of quietly sharing space. And even though Kanda's an idiot, he will have picked up on Caelus's demeanor re: Aventurine (and Boothill). He has no condolences, but he won't reject the company.]

I do.

[ caelus takes a seat, not touching, (not affection week yet), but near.

truly? it's knowing that he won't be asked how he feels. that he won't be pushed to accept support--much appreciated support! but more support by a lot of lovely people who may all unwillingly murder one another.

kanda presents a less complex companionship. it's peaceful. there is quiet for a long time. ]

I didn't know either of them that well, but I still felt a connection and I feel a loss now. Is that strange?

["Do I look like a therapist" Kanda says and leaves (no)

He makes no move to break the silence, but he isn't really surprised when Caelus does. Lenalee seeks him out in the same way, sometimes--so does Lavi, though that takes a different form.

Is it strange? For Kanda, who can't remember a life without the looming threat of Akuma, who shut down all thoughts of connections nine years ago, and doesn't even let himself acknowledge the ones he's built against his will--yes, it's strange. Being shaken up, that's understandable, since Caelus isn't an exorcist. And it's not like Kanda doesn't have any grace at all. He can understand that familiar faces, even previously distant ones, were a crutch in this situation. But feeling these losses like they were personal blows, if they weren't even truly friends? That's foolish and bizarre.

A few months ago, he would've said so without mercy or restraint. Now... now, he still won't sugarcoat the facts, because that's the only type of kindness he knows how to offer--but his tone is calm and quiet, rather than icy and harsh.]

You'll have to get used to it. There's no guarantee those three will figure out how to stop this early. [Or at all.]

[ four hundred years later, because this tag took me out emotionally.

caelus doesn't expect anything from kanda. an apathetic grunt might have served the same purpose as speaking. it isn't the sort of relationship where he's expecting a helping hand or kind words. there are plenty of others in the village who are ever so eager to be there for him in the wake of losing the gambler and the cowboy.

but it isn't a harumph, it's kanda speaking the truth, because this is the beginning. that was tutorial mode. ]

I don't want to lose anyone else.

[ who does? ]

But if I do, I want to keep moving. I won't forget them and I won't break down.

[ actually, kanda's very kind, isn't he? but it would embarrass him for caelus to speak it. he keeps that to himself.

(and this is why he's shocked when he's called stupid later) ]

You probably will.

[Lose more people. Kanda wouldn't offer platitudes or reassurances regardless of the circumstances, because he doesn't do that kind of thing--but maybe if he'd been at full power, he'd have more faith in his ability to minimize casualties. As it stands, though, the edge he has over anyone else here is a lot smaller than it normally would be. And he's used to losing scores of people in one fell swoop already, so he has very little faith that they'll get out of here with only three victims to show for it. It's best, he thinks, if everyone else figures that out too.]

So don't hesitate next time.

[He won't either.]

[catchall] Caelus

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