sixillusions | [catchall] Laudna

[IT DO BE MEMSHARE.

Kanda is going to hate this week and will do his best to avoid everything and everyone as soon as he realizes what's going on, but it's inevitable for them to cross paths, especially being housemates and all. Sooner or later, they're going to get stuck--and when they do, Laudna can see a memory.

((I think the only CW here is mentions of child experimentation and violence; it's not super graphic but lmk if you need a different memory!))]

[no this is good touches it

i don't think she's even socially aware enough to see a very personal memory from someone very private like him and think that she should pretend she didn't see or not acknowledge it. she saw it. it was there. the memory finishes, and she pulls at her hair, twisting the lock that hangs down in front of her face nervously around one hand, a little nervous and unsettled.

she likes kanda. he's aloof, but he isn't cruel, and that kind of person is less frightening than someone unpredictable. seeing this helps her understand a little. he's also someone who's been hurt, who just wants to belong.]

...Are they your family? [tiedoll and the people who took him in, that is.]

[By this point, he's been through this a few times, and this memory... it's not the worst, but it's uncomfortable, invasive in an entirely different way than certain others have been. Kanda is almost never warm and welcoming, but the people she sees have had time, years in some cases, to recognize the shape of his caring. To understand why he holds himself so far apart from everyone else, even if they don't necessarily know every single detail of his past. Having someone he barely knows be privvy to that--he certainly doesn't love it.

But Laudna, at least, has been polite enough so far, even with her weirdness. He doesn't think she'll be annoyingly pushy about it, so it's... not fine, exactly, but it's something he can live with. (Or maybe it's not! Maybe he's dead this week. Who's to say.)

Anyway. At her question, he immediately makes a face.]

No. [But it's grouchy and sullen in that "middle schooler who doesn't want their mom dropping them off at school anymore" type of way. Which is stupid, because five seconds ago it was obvious that he likes and respects all those people, but. Y'know.] They're other exorcists. That creepy old man is my general.

I see.

[okay, so they are. and she does see it. she does understand why he holds himself apart better now, but that there's something soft and caring underneath it.]

It's... good. When you find a place that feels safer. [after such a long time of being in pain, afraid, just existing in survival mode. it's not even happiness exactly, but the relief of being able to let you guard down, even to the smallest degree.]

[Is it safer? It's hard to say, for him. He certainly wouldn't call it safe--not when their walls have been breached before, when he leaves his room some days to hear that they've lost tens, dozens, hundreds of people almost overnight. If asked, Kanda isn't even sure he could answer what "safe" is supposed to feel like.

But she's right: It's one of the only places where he doesn't have to be on high alert at all times. It's a place he knows like the back of his hand--where he has the closest thing to true privacy he can get, and people who don't expect him to explain himself. And it's the closest thing to a "home" he remembers knowing.

So--maybe "safer" is the right word.]

...Some types of exorcists can't be turned into Akuma. [He says, eventually.] They can still get inside, but it's less of a problem if those guys are around.

[this explanation of why it's safer is so funny but she does understand.]

Is there a reason Akuma happen so often?

[she wants to ask, more, about why his history seems to be tied up in what's happening to their world, but she suspects she is not supposed to pry into exactly what happened to him back then.]

[You'd think it would be super secure and well-maintained and yet they've been invaded at least twice. They'd have better luck just being WFH in separate places at the rate they're going.

But she's right, this is a much better line of questioning. The fact that it's impersonal makes him relax a little, at least by Kanda standards.]

The Earl can make tons of them at a time if he wants... [Which is SUPER obnoxious considering how hard it is for them to find new Exorcists] ...but mostly it's because humans are always desperate to bring people back from the dead. It's not hard for him to manipulate them.

Ah. That seems quite typical, doesn't it.

[here, have a return memory]

[In a way, it doesn't surprise him; he remembers the things she'd said before, about fearing groups of humans and their capacity for mindless violence. It makes sense that she would've spoken from experience.

The extent of all this does, a little--mostly because, for all he's seen and experienced, he doesn't often have to deal with conflicts that aren't related to the Order and their mission. He's too well-traveled to be unaware of them, but... up until very recently, he didn't concern himself with anything at all beyond his own goals, and that's only been upgraded by a minuscule amount. Mostly, as he watches this, he looks at the Briarwoods and thinks they're assholes.

Mostly to himself, as it ends:]

Hunh. Like Krory.

Krory?

[the memory is painful to experience again, but also numbing; it's from a long time ago. the emotions of the girl in them are almost alien to her.]

His Innocence is a Parasite Type. It's in his teeth. He gets stronger by drinking Akuma blood, but no one in his village knew what was going on, so they just thought he was an evil vampire.

[There's more to it than that but he's too lazy to explain the rest... that's the important bit]

...I see. Lord Briarwood was a vampire. Lady Briarwood was a necromancer. He was sick, dying, so she turned him so they could both live forever.

[He'd been thinking more about her getting chased out of town by angry and confused villagers, but he's incapable of clarifying so he'll roll with this.]

...And they needed you--for a ritual? [Damn imagine if these guys are the cult leaders]

[catchall] Laudna

Week 2, Monday

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