[It's hard to tell what he thinks about that--but he doesn't seem to get any angrier, at least.]
...No. [He says, eventually. No, it wasn't worth it. Maybe if even a few things had been different, he'd have room in his heart for compassion and understanding--but all he has to do is remember, and that old hatred feels fresh all over again.] And it never goes right when they try. You'd think they'd realize that.
They can't always afford to. There aren't many of us. [Exorcists, he means; they're already spread thin, and they're at a much greater risk of losing people than they are of stumbling across new ones. That was the whole problem, after all. It's the only reason he's here.
But it's not like he can tell her no, they won't ever do it again, because he simply doesn't believe that to be true. And beyond that--]
Most members of the Order are believers. They'd sign up for anything willingly.
[Well. Kind of. Something something grooming and exploitation something something, that's not his backstory--but he definitely knows people who fight for the cause itself with zeal and devotion. Some people are just SUPER religious and crazy.]
[ that doesn't make her feel any better... if they're willing to go through it themselves they shouldn't drag anyone else into it. no matter how desperate they are.
before she can think of anything to say, kind of floundering helplessly with how much she hates that: another memory. a memory of a facility. ]
[There's no escaping the memories playing out between them, so he doesn't even try to pretend like it's possible to politely look away. He takes in what he sees--a cold, sterile cage and "for the greater good" and glimpse of the risks, the cost, the future--
When it ends, he doesn't speak right away. But eventually--]
[That and the risk, but he figures he's been obvious enough about his paranoia that he doesn't need to mention it.
And beyond that, the idea of being bound to yet another thing, of having his fate taken out of his hands and tied to someone else--it's not a choice he's willing to make. At least not here.]
[He nods in return; that makes perfect sense to him.]
I didn't think anyone would be. [The dangers of it seemed so incredibly obvious, to him.] Not this soon, anyway.
[A last-ditch effort to get out of here alive, sure, he could see why people might grab desperately at it then. But anything else, even dire circumstances back home? It's not worth it. But he'd heard others didn't feel the same way, so he'd wondered if Ashlyn, too, was tempted.]
Mm. [If others want to, he can't stop them from throwing their lives away, but--] It's not worth it.
[Whatever's going on in her world, in that facility she's stuck in--maybe there's no escape, no fix without outside help like that wish. But he respects her choice, and thinks she's smart for it.]
[He nods--and goes quiet after that, honestly. There's nothing more he really has to say; he's not one to push for details or ask invasive, personal questions, except under rare circumstances. There's nothing he can do for her, so to him, this is kindness: acknowledging that he saw what he did, but letting her keep the rest to herself unless she chooses otherwise.]
[ she appreciates it. she's not above being touched that people are checking on her, but she doesn't like all the fuss. so we may simply vibe quietly again........ ]
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sixillusions) wrote2024-06-08 11:14 am
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But I don't really know. And I think you're the only one that gets to decide.
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...No. [He says, eventually. No, it wasn't worth it. Maybe if even a few things had been different, he'd have room in his heart for compassion and understanding--but all he has to do is remember, and that old hatred feels fresh all over again.] And it never goes right when they try. You'd think they'd realize that.
[But they never seem to.]
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But it's not like he can tell her no, they won't ever do it again, because he simply doesn't believe that to be true. And beyond that--]
Most members of the Order are believers. They'd sign up for anything willingly.
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[Well. Kind of. Something something grooming and exploitation something something, that's not his backstory--but he definitely knows people who fight for the cause itself with zeal and devotion. Some people are just SUPER religious and crazy.]
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before she can think of anything to say, kind of floundering helplessly with how much she hates that: another memory. a memory of a facility. ]
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When it ends, he doesn't speak right away. But eventually--]
Are you looking for your partner here?
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Are you?
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[That and the risk, but he figures he's been obvious enough about his paranoia that he doesn't need to mention it.
And beyond that, the idea of being bound to yet another thing, of having his fate taken out of his hands and tied to someone else--it's not a choice he's willing to make. At least not here.]
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I'm not either. Getting home empty-handed would be better than not making it home at all because I died on a gamble for more.
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I didn't think anyone would be. [The dangers of it seemed so incredibly obvious, to him.] Not this soon, anyway.
[A last-ditch effort to get out of here alive, sure, he could see why people might grab desperately at it then. But anything else, even dire circumstances back home? It's not worth it. But he'd heard others didn't feel the same way, so he'd wondered if Ashlyn, too, was tempted.]
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But—a gamble is a gamble.
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[Whatever's going on in her world, in that facility she's stuck in--maybe there's no escape, no fix without outside help like that wish. But he respects her choice, and thinks she's smart for it.]
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