Despite his best efforts, Kanda can't avoid everyone forever; eventually, they'll cross paths, and Rondo gets to see a memory.
((CWs for this include mild hallucinations and body horror (arms); if you need a different memory just lmk!! I also have it in video form but it's a lot less pretty. RIP Hallow's budget, we never knew ye.))]
[ c'moooon don't you wanna spar kanda. come onnnnnnnnnn rondo does. rondo doesn't care about memshare, his memory spaghetti is everywhere.
which means eventually he finds kanda, which means of course, eventually, they get snapped into up to the ye olde memory void. there's... there's a lot happening, here, but the central message comes through as clear as a bell.
choice. the choice to return to the fight. the claiming of a weapon. the lotus flowers - the lotus flower kanda had on him during their first week, here. the entire memory takes rondo's breath away, and when it finally settles, he looks just. a little stunned? ]
Well--at least this one was something that happened... not in public, exactly, because the only people in the room were the ones in the know, but in front of others nonetheless. He doesn't like having his business spilled everywhere any more than he did the first time it happened, but this isn't a complete secret, so. Whatever.
Still, predictably, he makes a face at Rondo's tone.]
[He did make a choice, insomuch as anything's a choice when you've never known another way of life. He wasn't dragged back through those doors. But despite how it looks (well, kind of--there's not a ton of piety in telling a dying old man he's going to hell), the decision he made has very little to do with duty or war or anything else he's mentioned in his time here.]
>[ that gets a little smile, though. because - even something like that, the idea of walking on your own two feet and saying, i'll do this is a choice. compared to what kanda said before, it feels like night and day. ]
Still. It makes me happy, I think - even to go about something your own way is a choice in and of itself.
[ especially for a stubborn guy like kanda! ]
... I liked getting to learn a little about you. Even if these are a little invasive. [ a little?? sorry he has to be sappy. ] So... thank you.
[Don't thank him like he shared this willingly, like he ever would've done so on his own. Like this is a step towards becoming friends, when he has no intention of letting anyone here any closer than he must.]
[ it IS a step towards becoming friends!!!! suffer!!!!!!
the grouchy remark gets him to smile a little further, and he ducks his head, acquiescing willingly. though, privately, he holds this information happily to himself, pleased that he's learned a little more. and while this is happening, the shadowy void starts to get..warm? it's starting to get hot. this awful, sticky, oppressive heat, and then...
But Kanda doesn't get to listen to the music; he's just dragged into Rondo's memory, living through an arduous battle and an agonizing choice--with another on the horizon.
Honestly his main reaction to all of this is "yeah that tracks for you Pasta-Head" and "God's an asshole in every world I see" but he doesn't say any of that (yet), he's mostly looking at him to make sure he didn't, like, burst into tears or something.]
no tears!!! no. his expression's actually a little hard to read? it's maybe a little sad, but it's closer to bittersweet than anything else, as he inhales, and exhales, and then shakes out his hands like he's still on fire. ]
Hah... sorry. [ really there is no controlling this memshare thing. ]
...Sort of. [ rondo huffs, after a long moment, and shakes his head. ] It is a holy relic of the Church, so... in that regard, yes. But the sword itself belonged to Sir Sazantos - my mentor, and the Flameguard before me.
But, hmm. He kind of understands, but--not really, for the same reasons as the first time they talked about this. Kanda's only ever been bound to his own Innocence; even when he chose to return, he simply reclaimed what was always his. He can conceptualize things like legacies and holy weapons passed down, but he can't understand it on a personal level.]
...I may have to. He was using it the last time I saw him. He...
[ ...
rondo reaches down, and after a moment, unsheathes fisteralda. it still has that strange coloration - partially pink, partially blue as he tilts his in the light. ]
I mentioned the Accursed Flame to you before, right? Sir Sazantos... he wields it, now - it is colored black, purple, and pink. [ the light turns - the sword reflects that pink. ] And the blue... that is mine.
He choked the Flame from me and stole it. It's the last thing that I remember from home. And then - I woke up here, with his sword, and likely with both Flames trapped inside.
[Ah--now that makes more sense. He's very familiar with enemies that can only be defeated with very specific holy (or unholy, apparently) materials.
He's quiet for a long while, almost like he's ready to let the conversation die. But eventually--]
Stop thinking of it as his.
[He'd kind of implied he would, when they first talked about it, but he'd still led with this sword belongs to someone else. If he wants to survive, Kanda thinks, he's going to have to be a lot more confident in being its wielder.]
[ he sucks in a breath. in, out. noisily, a little wet, but his voice is determined. ]
I will.
[ he has to. he knows kanda is right - he's exactly right. that he needs to bolster his confidence. it's gotten better - a lot better - recently, and he no longer finds himself so deeply relying on others to be strong. he's found his own resolve, gripped it as tightly as he could and used it to take on sazantos, unafraid, brave and true.
but sitting here in this terrible place, holding the weapon that contains pieces of them both, it's so hard to just let him go. every decision he's had to make involving his former mentor has been impossible, but he will - he will always, always, always take the right path. no matter how impossible it is.
he lifts the sword up to look at it vertically, and tries the statement again. ]
... I woke up here, with this sword, my rightful blade as the Flameguard.
[Kanda isn't the sort of person who gives pep talks and reassurances. He doesn't form attachments. Even if he'd wanted to (and he really, truly doesn't, for a whole host of reasons he won't ever explain willingly), the circumstances of this place, and the rapidly escalating body count, are instant, repeated reminders of why he lives the way he does. He can't waste time mourning the dead when there are still people to be saved. He won't get invested in people he could very easily lose tomorrow.
(He's already had enough of grief to last lifetimes.)
All he can do, all he will do, is things like this: remind people of who they are, and what they're fighting for. Rondo reasserts himself--and Kanda doesn't look proud, or praise him, or anything like that. He doesn't speak at all, but, given it's him, that's probably a good sign.]
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Week 2, Monday/Tuesday
Despite his best efforts, Kanda can't avoid everyone forever; eventually, they'll cross paths, and Rondo gets to see a memory.
((CWs for this include mild hallucinations and body horror (arms); if you need a different memory just lmk!! I also have it in video form but it's a lot less pretty. RIP Hallow's budget, we never knew ye.))]
no subject
which means eventually he finds kanda, which means of course, eventually, they get snapped into up to the ye olde memory void. there's... there's a lot happening, here, but the central message comes through as clear as a bell.
choice. the choice to return to the fight. the claiming of a weapon. the lotus flowers - the lotus flower kanda had on him during their first week, here. the entire memory takes rondo's breath away, and when it finally settles, he looks just. a little stunned? ]
...Mr. Kanda...
[ tone: embarrassing ]
no subject
Well--at least this one was something that happened... not in public, exactly, because the only people in the room were the ones in the know, but in front of others nonetheless. He doesn't like having his business spilled everywhere any more than he did the first time it happened, but this isn't a complete secret, so. Whatever.
Still, predictably, he makes a face at Rondo's tone.]
Get that dumb look off your face.
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...Ehehe. Sorry. [ he says, not changing his dumb expression one iota. ] So... you chose it after all.
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[He did make a choice, insomuch as anything's a choice when you've never known another way of life. He wasn't dragged back through those doors. But despite how it looks (well, kind of--there's not a ton of piety in telling a dying old man he's going to hell), the decision he made has very little to do with duty or war or anything else he's mentioned in his time here.]
I have a debt to repay. That's all.
no subject
Still. It makes me happy, I think - even to go about something your own way is a choice in and of itself.
[ especially for a stubborn guy like kanda! ]
... I liked getting to learn a little about you. Even if these are a little invasive. [ a little?? sorry he has to be sappy. ] So... thank you.
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Grouchily:]
Don't.
[Don't thank him like he shared this willingly, like he ever would've done so on his own. Like this is a step towards becoming friends, when he has no intention of letting anyone here any closer than he must.]
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the grouchy remark gets him to smile a little further, and he ducks his head, acquiescing willingly. though, privately, he holds this information happily to himself, pleased that he's learned a little more. and while this is happening, the shadowy void starts to get..warm? it's starting to get hot. this awful, sticky, oppressive heat, and then...
it melds into a memory. ]
no subject
But Kanda doesn't get to listen to the music; he's just dragged into Rondo's memory, living through an arduous battle and an agonizing choice--with another on the horizon.
Honestly his main reaction to all of this is "yeah that tracks for you Pasta-Head" and "God's an asshole in every world I see" but he doesn't say any of that (yet), he's mostly looking at him to make sure he didn't, like, burst into tears or something.]
no subject
no tears!!! no. his expression's actually a little hard to read? it's maybe a little sad, but it's closer to bittersweet than anything else, as he inhales, and exhales, and then shakes out his hands like he's still on fire. ]
Hah... sorry. [ really there is no controlling this memshare thing. ]
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After a moment:]
That sword is his. [It's a question, even if he doesn't phrase it like one.]
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[ a hand falls to the hilt, his head tilting a little. ]
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You said you had to get used to it. [Back when they first sparred; he remembers, even if he talks so blatantly about not caring about others.]
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...Sort of. [ rondo huffs, after a long moment, and shakes his head. ] It is a holy relic of the Church, so... in that regard, yes. But the sword itself belonged to Sir Sazantos - my mentor, and the Flameguard before me.
no subject
But, hmm. He kind of understands, but--not really, for the same reasons as the first time they talked about this. Kanda's only ever been bound to his own Innocence; even when he chose to return, he simply reclaimed what was always his. He can conceptualize things like legacies and holy weapons passed down, but he can't understand it on a personal level.]
Do you have to use it against him?
no subject
[ ...
rondo reaches down, and after a moment, unsheathes fisteralda. it still has that strange coloration - partially pink, partially blue as he tilts his in the light. ]
I mentioned the Accursed Flame to you before, right? Sir Sazantos... he wields it, now - it is colored black, purple, and pink. [ the light turns - the sword reflects that pink. ] And the blue... that is mine.
He choked the Flame from me and stole it. It's the last thing that I remember from home. And then - I woke up here, with his sword, and likely with both Flames trapped inside.
no subject
He's quiet for a long while, almost like he's ready to let the conversation die. But eventually--]
Stop thinking of it as his.
[He'd kind of implied he would, when they first talked about it, but he'd still led with this sword belongs to someone else. If he wants to survive, Kanda thinks, he's going to have to be a lot more confident in being its wielder.]
no subject
I will.
[ he has to. he knows kanda is right - he's exactly right. that he needs to bolster his confidence. it's gotten better - a lot better - recently, and he no longer finds himself so deeply relying on others to be strong. he's found his own resolve, gripped it as tightly as he could and used it to take on sazantos, unafraid, brave and true.
but sitting here in this terrible place, holding the weapon that contains pieces of them both, it's so hard to just let him go. every decision he's had to make involving his former mentor has been impossible, but he will - he will always, always, always take the right path. no matter how impossible it is.
he lifts the sword up to look at it vertically, and tries the statement again. ]
... I woke up here, with this sword, my rightful blade as the Flameguard.
no subject
(He's already had enough of grief to last lifetimes.)
All he can do, all he will do, is things like this: remind people of who they are, and what they're fighting for. Rondo reasserts himself--and Kanda doesn't look proud, or praise him, or anything like that. He doesn't speak at all, but, given it's him, that's probably a good sign.]