[He is in the woods! Going through his sword forms. He's using a hair ribbon from the island shop as a blindfold as he does; there's more force to his movements than usual, instead of the usual calm control of someone simply focused on practice.
There are no stray thoughts to catch, though the silence is oppressive and purposeful, like he's intentionally stifling his thoughts.]
[ well by the time rondo finds him - he's at least familiar with this, both the sword forms and the manner of doing them.
he knows kanda knows he's here - there's no way he won't - so he just... waits. it feels a little like waiting for judgement, but, he just waits, for now, hand resting on fisteralda, watching him work.
Diligent and amazing as always. the thought says, but its barely a passing one in comparison to his normal, effusive ones. What do I say. ]
[Even without thoughtshare, it's kind of impossible not to sense Rondo's presence; he's not being purposely loud right now, but he simply Is There very noticeably, at least for someone like Kanda who has spent so long training himself for things like that. Still, he doesn't acknowledge him until there's a natural break in movement, when he lowers his sword; he doesn't take the blindfold off or turn to face him, and his tone is clipped.]
[ he remembers so many moments like this in his life with sazantos. clipped conversations, the way the ice could practically form in the air. he never asked, then. it was never his place, or he never understood.
but today... if this is a chance for things to be different, he needs them to be. ]
Nothing. [He does yank off the blindfold then--not gently, not that he's ever gentle anyway--and shoves it into his coat pocket; he's freed of his multiple layers, so it's just his normal exorcist outfit, still damaged from where Aqua sliced through it.] I don't care what you do.
Believe what you want. I'm not your general. [Or his friend. He sheathes Mugen, starting to walk away.] Your shitty choices have nothing to do with me.
[ ouch. that gets a reaction - surprise at first, then understanding, and he jumps up from where he stopped and proceeds to follow him. ]
You're right - I did, and I hated every second of it. [ the hardest part of this entire plan was keeping rondo from ruining the entire thing in 30 seconds actually by blurting it out to anyone who looked at him funny but that's besides the point.
intense, and - loud, of course, as loud as ever. ] If you're angry, then tell me that! Stop running away from me and talk to me!
[Well he does stop, but--he holds Mugen out in warning, a clear sign of wanting distance between them the way a cat might hiss or flatten its ears. He's not so reckless in his anger that he'd strike to cause real harm, but he won't pull his claws back, either.]
What right do you have to say that? [To demand explanations when he gave none, to act like he cares about Kanda's opinion only after it's too late to let it affect him--to talk as if he isn't just one of many others who've proven Kanda's point about attachments over, and over, and over again.] I don't give a shit about your feelings. You did it. So own it, and live with your actions.
[And the consequences along with it. It's too late for pleas of understanding, as far as Kanda's concerned; there's a lot he dislikes that he could've let go of, but this, in particular, is nigh irreparable.]
[ to own it, to hold onto it, to put it out there - bare chested and open. every single day since this happened has been one of subterfuge, something he's impossible at doing, having to step away from every conversation, every mention, just because he had to keep the secret. just in case. just in case. he doesn't back off from the sword, though he stops advancing only so he doesn't get skewered. ]
The only reason any of this was swept under the rug was because we didn't want the cult at large to find out and stop it - because we weren't even sure it was going to work! It was a gamble, and I don't want to gamble with people's lives, but I'd rather have the chance to set things right than to ruin it because I couldn't keep my mouth shut.
[ unfortunately with how inscrutable kanda is, what part he actively dislikes is almost impossible to discern. it could be anything, and rondo's frustration leaks through in his voice. ]
I don't understand you. You want to do the most possible to save people's lives, I know you do, even when it's hard! Even when it's the thing that no one else wants to do, you're the first person to tell people like me to get over it! So why - why are you the one who's so upset?!
[Maybe before, he would've said this with less ice and venom, and more grumbling that, while sincere, is easy enough to ignore. Rondo's clingy, but respectful; he's naive and annoying, but sincere, and willing to step up--or try, at least, which is the most Kanda would expect from a non-exorcist.
But now, it's clear from his tone that he means it. Any chips in the wall that might've been made through time and persistence have been blocked with steel, and the back off energy he's radiating is nearly palpable.]
It's not my problem if you're so stupid that you can't see the difference between this and everything else.
[He's not in the habit of explaining himself, and he has no intention of starting now; if Rondo truly wanted to know his thoughts, he thinks, he would've asked for them before he acted. And it's not like Kanda would've told him the specifics, but--well. For one thing, he and Lavi have been very open about the sorts of threats they face in his world, and how he feels about things like necromancy and resurrection. That would've been a good place to start. And maybe, with the progress they'd made, Kanda would've said... something. More than he's saying now.
But it's too late. I don't understand you, Rondo says, and Kanda feels no desire to change that.]
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w4, tues
where is he i guess i can't say that he'd go seeking but also ??? ]
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There are no stray thoughts to catch, though the silence is oppressive and purposeful, like he's intentionally stifling his thoughts.]
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he knows kanda knows he's here - there's no way he won't - so he just... waits. it feels a little like waiting for judgement, but, he just waits, for now, hand resting on fisteralda, watching him work.
Diligent and amazing as always. the thought says, but its barely a passing one in comparison to his normal, effusive ones. What do I say. ]
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What.
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but today... if this is a chance for things to be different, he needs them to be. ]
... I want to know what you're thinking.
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Nothing. [He does yank off the blindfold then--not gently, not that he's ever gentle anyway--and shoves it into his coat pocket; he's freed of his multiple layers, so it's just his normal exorcist outfit, still damaged from where Aqua sliced through it.] I don't care what you do.
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[ though about which part he doesn't clarify??? thoughtshare helps you be stubborn. ]
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Believe what you want. I'm not your general. [Or his friend. He sheathes Mugen, starting to walk away.] Your shitty choices have nothing to do with me.
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You're right - I did, and I hated every second of it. [ the hardest part of this entire plan was keeping rondo from ruining the entire thing in 30 seconds actually by blurting it out to anyone who looked at him funny but that's besides the point.
intense, and - loud, of course, as loud as ever. ] If you're angry, then tell me that! Stop running away from me and talk to me!
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What right do you have to say that? [To demand explanations when he gave none, to act like he cares about Kanda's opinion only after it's too late to let it affect him--to talk as if he isn't just one of many others who've proven Kanda's point about attachments over, and over, and over again.] I don't give a shit about your feelings. You did it. So own it, and live with your actions.
[And the consequences along with it. It's too late for pleas of understanding, as far as Kanda's concerned; there's a lot he dislikes that he could've let go of, but this, in particular, is nigh irreparable.]
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[ to own it, to hold onto it, to put it out there - bare chested and open. every single day since this happened has been one of subterfuge, something he's impossible at doing, having to step away from every conversation, every mention, just because he had to keep the secret. just in case. just in case. he doesn't back off from the sword, though he stops advancing only so he doesn't get skewered. ]
The only reason any of this was swept under the rug was because we didn't want the cult at large to find out and stop it - because we weren't even sure it was going to work! It was a gamble, and I don't want to gamble with people's lives, but I'd rather have the chance to set things right than to ruin it because I couldn't keep my mouth shut.
[ unfortunately with how inscrutable kanda is, what part he actively dislikes is almost impossible to discern. it could be anything, and rondo's frustration leaks through in his voice. ]
I don't understand you. You want to do the most possible to save people's lives, I know you do, even when it's hard! Even when it's the thing that no one else wants to do, you're the first person to tell people like me to get over it! So why - why are you the one who's so upset?!
no subject
[Maybe before, he would've said this with less ice and venom, and more grumbling that, while sincere, is easy enough to ignore. Rondo's clingy, but respectful; he's naive and annoying, but sincere, and willing to step up--or try, at least, which is the most Kanda would expect from a non-exorcist.
But now, it's clear from his tone that he means it. Any chips in the wall that might've been made through time and persistence have been blocked with steel, and the back off energy he's radiating is nearly palpable.]
It's not my problem if you're so stupid that you can't see the difference between this and everything else.
[He's not in the habit of explaining himself, and he has no intention of starting now; if Rondo truly wanted to know his thoughts, he thinks, he would've asked for them before he acted. And it's not like Kanda would've told him the specifics, but--well. For one thing, he and Lavi have been very open about the sorts of threats they face in his world, and how he feels about things like necromancy and resurrection. That would've been a good place to start. And maybe, with the progress they'd made, Kanda would've said... something. More than he's saying now.
But it's too late. I don't understand you, Rondo says, and Kanda feels no desire to change that.]
Get lost and don't come back. I won't ask twice.