[It really is a good thing Lavi doesn't pull away to speak. As it is, Kanda is too captivated to react to Lavi's teasing with the anger and violence he normally would. If Lavi were to speak, even to say something raw and heartwrenching, it would be like a splash of cold water, shocking Kanda out of the moment and tempting him to backpedal towards normalcy with a vengeance.
But Lavi doesn't, which means Kanda gets to stay wholly focused on him, on this, on the way each and every little motion is a promise of pleasure that's instantly fulfilled. Kanda utterly loses track of time as he watches Lavi--have they been here like this for seconds? Hours?--before he finally has another semi-lucid thought. Inexplicably, his mind fixates on red: Lavi's red hair in his fist, red mouth stretched wide around him, red bracelets resting snugly on both their wrists, Lavi's shockingly bright against the pale skin of Kanda's stomach.
It's hypocritical, since he wants to see Lavi fall apart too, but he can't handle Lavi's stare in this moment, so he squeezes his eyes shut. His grip on Lavi's hair is probably way too tight, and it doesn't even occur to him to pull Lavi off or give him a warning. It takes every bit of coherence he has left to resist the urge to break past Lavi's hold and bury himself in Lavi's mouth until Lavi has to beg him for breath.
This time, Kanda is no state to hide. If Lavi wants it, he can get the full view he was denied before--the way Kanda's expression breaks just as he does, the sound of his voice as he cries out, the full-body shudder that runs through him as pleasure crashes into him a second time. He holds himself still for a long minute, but then the tension bleeds out of him and he melts back against the mattress, breathing hard.]
[Lavi wants it, because of course he does, mouth and tongue moving in tandem with his frenzied heartbeat, every cell in his body solely attuned to Kanda, waiting and wanting and pleading -- and then Kanda's closing his eyes and it's Lavi's turn to be utterly transfixed. He's lost, so much that he doesn't even think to let Kanda go, fixated instead by curve of Kanda's shoulders as he shakes, the desperate gasp he lets out. Lavi takes it all in, greedy, even when the taste of him threatens to overwhelm. It should be a sharp drag down to reality, but it's not -- the discomfort is fleeting, and most of all -- it's human. Like the ache in his jaw, and the tension wrought in his wrists and fingers -- all things Lavi would happily endure again.
But right now, he's just as happy to collapse next to Kanda, hands moving from the bright red imprints left on Kanda's hips to circle around him in a loose embrace, curling in close. He can feel the rise and fall of Kanda's breaths, and Lavi's are just as unsteady, pulling as much air into his lungs to make up for the lack of it earlier -- and to try and steady himself, now that he doesn't have Kanda's pleasure to distract him from his own.
It's not really working, not when Kanda's pleasure feeds his own, not when Lavi's picture perfect memory is already running full tilt against him, recreating that first peak in his mind's eye, and then the second, Kanda's voice ringing in his ear. He resists the urge to scrape his teeth against Kanda's shoulder, to pull him closer into his arms, to wrap his legs around Kanda's and rut against him like some pathetic, horny teenager. which he is, but listen.....
he tugs a sweat-soaked strand of hair from the corner of Kanda's mouth, and thinks deliriously of stealing all that hard-won air straight back out of Kanda's lungs, which makes him bite down on his own bright red lip -- and how much time has passed anyway, surely enough for Kanda to come down from his high?]
Yuu...
['yuu are you tired, are you drowsy, was my brilliant idea from earlier backfiring because it's sending you to snoozeville now, will I have to jack off by myself which like no big deal haha because that's something I can do, but it's not what I want but also if you touch me even a little I think I might die, but the good kind of dying, not like there's a good kind of dying but oh god you were so hot earlier and now I think I might die just from thinking about that --'
Lavi, fortunately, does not start talking a mile a minute, and instead murmurs Kanda's name again, letting it fall without a quip or a question, luxuriating in the sound of it, thank god]
[Just kidding.... not that Kanda isn't enough of an asshole to do that, because he definitely is--but luckily he's also stubborn, and he already decided he wanted to see Lavi lose himself too, so he's not going to pass out until he does. Lavi is allowed to get him off ONLY IF Kanda gets to do it in return... what kind of ridiculous logic is this? Idiot logic don't worry about it.
As if he can sense Lavi's racing thoughts, Kanda lifts a hand, pressing his fingers to Lavi's lips without even opening his eyes. It's an excuse to touch just as much as it's a request for quiet and patience--Kanda's not particularly chatty under normal circumstances, after all, there's no way he'll waste the breath to speak when he's in the middle of trying to regain his coherence. He doesn't know how to just lay there and enjoy feeling good... seems fake...
But that's good news for Lavi, at least, because as soon as Kanda can think again--at least enough to open his eyes--he skips all of the banter and any further foreplay and reaches down to take Lavi firmly in hand. The past, like, twenty minutes is probably the full extent of Kanda's experience, but he doesn't try to do anything fancy or complicated--he just copies what Lavi did for him the first time. Mostly. He's a little rougher, his strokes a little more impatient, but hey, at least Lavi doesn't have to worry about being teased to death?? That's a future Kanvi scenario]
[kanda just putting his hand on lavi's mouth like 'shut it' is so funny
Lavi parts his mouth under the press of Kanda's fingertips, caught between wanting to kiss or bite them -- but it turns out that he can't do either, not when Kanda's reaching down and wrapping his hand around him, touching, stroking, and unraveling him -- ]
Yuu -- [this time he gasps it out, the name curling into a near-whine. the muscles in his stomach feel hot, tight. he wants this to last, but there's no way -- not when he's been so viscerally turned on by Kanda for the past twenty or however many minutes they've been entangled together. his heated skin flushes red, sweeping across his face and neck and shoulders, like the color of his hair is spilling onto his skin.
he thrusts jerkily, following the quick, impatient rhythm of Kanda's hand, and he kind of loves that, how much this is so quintessentially Kanda -- impatient and rough -- but not as much as he likes how it's also not -- that Kanda is focused on getting him off when he normally never gives Lavi the time of day. this kind of attention is exhilarating, and it pushes Lavi closer to the peak -- closer with every stroke of Kanda's fingers. he doesn't know how he looks, but he knows he feels pretty damn blissed out, and maybe that's reflected in his eye, dilated and hazy, in the curve of his mouth as he whimpers Kanda's name.
undone in a way that Lavi would never have wanted or thought he was capable of. but he does and he is, and he's fast realizing that no matter how carefully constructed the mask -- it'll shatter under these basic, instinctual human impulses. the 49th has preferences, and so did the 48th, the 30th, and so on and so forth -- but as different as each mask was, they would have all crumbled the same way Lavi does now under Kanda's touch, back arching as he grips the sheets, breath fraying into a strangled gasp, focus sharpening on the crest and peak of his pleasure,
his shoulders fall as he sags onto the bed, pressing closer to Kanda, mind blanking and then slowly recomposing himself as he breathes. thank god kanda was nice enough to jerk him off and not TEASE HIM FOREVER... surely that scenario won't happen in the future (it will)]
But for now, Kanda is too busy learning. It's so strange, hearing his name in such a tone, and a part of Kanda marvels at the way it makes his stomach twist pleasantly. Never once has he concerned himself with someone else's pleasure like this--he's barely ever even cared about his own. But now, he finds himself caught up in watching every moment of Lavi's climax, surprising himself with how badly he wants to drink it all in. With how this feels like something he did, and how content (and maybe a little smug) it makes him feel to know that that's true.
For years, Tiedoll tried to teach him to see the beauty in the world. For Kanda, whose world was cold, dark, and empty, who woke up each day struggling to breathe from the crushing truth of humanity's ugliness, it seemed an impossible task. But here and now, watching the curve of Lavi's neck, the shine in his eye, the trembling of his shoulders--for once, he thinks he gets it.
Anyway he'll just keep going until Lavi tells him to stop so,]
[it's a less shaky rendition of Kanda's name, but it's a plea all the same as Lavi grabs hold of Kanda's wrist, trying to still his movements. His breathing's evened out by now, so he wraps his arms around Kanda and kisses him, craving touch.]
I'm all for another round, the corner of his lips tilt into a smile as he murmurs against his lips,] but you gotta give me a second, yeah?
[lavi like 'DONT JUST KEEP GOING but also i'm not against the concept in general'.... horny teenager is horny news at eleven]
[Well he stops at least, and even returns the kiss, because he's decided he likes kissing, so maybe Lavi successfully made his case after all, but also--]
Again?
[WHY DOES HE SOUND SO JUDGMENTAL WHEN HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING]
[NOT THE (KANDA VOICE) AGAIN? Lavi gives him another kissy mostly because he's trying not to laugh but also because he also likes kissing (we knew that lavi)]
Yeah! [DON'T JUST SAY YEAH] It felt real nice... You made me feel that way.
[okay GUSHY... he's starting to get less flushed but the red is still on his adoring expression. the gushy is real.... continues to drape himself around Kanda like the most tactile sea creature]
S'fine if you don't want to -- we could just cuddle!
[banging.... takes energy.... cuddling... is nice.....]
[UGH... HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL... it's a lot like jerking awake every time you're almost asleep: whenever he lets his guard down and relaxes for five seconds he realizes it feels kinda nice to stay close like this, his antisocialness kicks in and he feels the urge to lash out. STUPID!!!
In the end, he sighs at Lavi's MUSHINESS and squirms away--but only a little, so that they're more comfortably side-by-side instead of plastered together so completely. He lifts a hand and puts it on Lavi's arm, though it's a mystery whether it's his own way of reaching out or just preparation for when he gets sick of cuddling and shoves Lavi off,,,]
I told you not to push your luck.
[
Honestly he wouldn't actually mind messing around all night, he just doesn't think Lavi should get everything he wants so easily]
[THAT'S LIKE TELLING HIM NOT TO BREATHE... Lavi resists the urge to squeeze in again at Kanda's touch, since maybe he's just touching Lavi so he can shove him away soon..... and instead reaches over to curl a lock of Kanda's hair around his fingers, trying to sate his own urge to touch in this small way. the proximity helps too, even though Lavi would much prefer to be on top, or for Kanda to be on top... but he'll take this instead,]
M'not! I'm telling you how I feel. [EVEN THOUGH HE'S ALWAYS PUSHING] And trying to see what you like.
[HELP imagines Lavi just sneaking closer and closer until Kanda notices
For now he's content, though--warm and comfortable, enough that he probably will nap whenever Lavi drifts off, despite how little he sleeps in comparison. He doesn't even complain about Lavi's fingers in his hair, for once; he just tilts his head slightly to the side, close enough that he could probably rest his head against Lavi's if Lavi did actually move a little closer.]
Shutting you up is always better. [Bold words from a guy who pined for 3 weeks and is currently naked and snuggling BUT LISTEN he's gotta be his rudeass self always]
[YEAH HE'S JUST THIS LOOMING RABBIT especially with how he inches close enough so that first their heads can touch, and then their lips. he brushes his mouth lightly against Kanda's, eye twinkling,]
'Specially when you do it with your mouth.
[his silence can be bought... with kisses (and incredible violence)]
[PLEASE!!!! He's gonna snap Lavi's eyepatch against his face like a slingshot
But he doesn't for now, mostly since he doesn't actually have to move to kiss Lavi. "Kanda didn't you just shove him off a second ago" yeah well maybe he's fickle sometimes, sue him]
[HE CAN’T REPLY BECAUSE HIS SILENCE IS BEING BOUGHT… WITH KANDA’S KISS… which Lavi unabashedly enjoys, having only one-tenth of an idea that his ultimate eyepatch secret was about to be unveiled… luckily for HIM Kanda chooses to kiss him instead, hehehehe]
Hehe.
[HE JUST GIGGLES INTO THIS KISS!!! Because… he’s happy… 😠happy to be next to Kanda and bask in his warmth, to touch his mouth and hair, to see his minute expressions to add to the lexicon of all that he already knows… he’s happy and some of that shine reflects in the way he kisses Kanda back, lingering in the taste of him as opposed to how eager he was earlier,]
[NOT THE GIGGLE!!! KANDA'S MOST INSTANT VIOLENCE TRIGGER!!!!
...Normally, anyway... except not this time. If asked, there's no way Kanda would be able to explain, even if he wanted to (and he definitely wouldn't want to)--but there's something about the sound of Lavi's laughter, the authenticity of his happiness, that lodges in Kanda's chest, warm and affectionate. It's the same as that morning on the ferris wheel, when Lavi had leaned against him, so happy to grab some time alone together despite the early hour. Being a bright spot in a bad situation, the way he so often is.
(But not like Alma. No, Lavi has always been his own person in Kanda's mind, and now in his heart. Kanda doesn't want to try and laugh like him--not when Lavi can coax Kanda's own smiles out of him, whether they're playfully cruel or small and content. They're rare, but they're still wholly Lavi's.)
There's still an urge to bite Lavi's lip about it, just for the sake of lashing out somehow, but if the last however-long is any indication, that's just asking for Lavi to get horny all over again...... Kanda's libido has been gathering dust in an abandoned broom closet his whole life, okay, he's not gonna match Lavi's freak on the first date. LAVI CAN WAIT and just enjoy this brand of lazy affection for now, and also get away with an unbitten lip, so really it's still a win/win]
[WOW... maybe lip biting doesn't make him horny.......... maybe it'll make him behave.....
not that Lavi ISN'T behaving right now. he's perfectly fine with falling in line for as long as he gets to kiss Kanda, and wouldn't it be nice if that could be forever? or maybe this is how life is meant to be lived, with only snatches of happiness here and there. maybe this is what makes the rest worth it, all the turmoil and grief. knowing that he has this, this person and this feeling. he thinks 'maybe' when he knows that it's true, just from watching so many others. but it's one thing to see and something entirely different to feel it for yourself.
Lavi brushes his lips over Kanda's once more, this time lingering on the corner of his mouth, and then draws back, just far enough so he can see Kanda's face. his own expression lacks the intensity from earlier -- when Lavi had been consumed with the desire to know and see -- and instead is calm, searching in the way that Lavi gets when he thinks no one else is there to see past him. Kanda looks even sharper in the dark, and yet softer too -- like he's starlit, a portrait waiting to be painted. Mesmerized, Lavi traces the shadows with his hand, cradling the side of Kanda's face. the scarlet red of his bracelet stands out even more against Kanda's pale skin, and the sight makes his chest throb.
and for once, Lavi doesn't know what to say. and he's okay with that. he feels content to just have this, satisfied with this small part of history, known only to him and Kanda.
maybe banging really is the answer to shutting Lavi up... instead, he moves to finagle the blankets out from under them both, then draws them up around them since they've been completely naked for a while now and he knows Kanda runs cold... snuggles in....]
[Through it all, Kanda watches him, still and quiet. He could be a statue for as unmoved as he seems to be, especially with nothing but cold moonlight illuminating all his sharp edges. If they weren't sharing a bed, it would be so easy to look at him and see someone untouchable. There's no way to see the lingering warmth from Lavi's softer kisses, and all blemishes have already been wiped away.
But for better or for worse, they both know now that Kanda doesn't put nearly as much distance between himself and others as it might seem. No matter how much Kanda might want to pretend it never happened, Scawwy showed Lavi just how much Kanda sees, thinks, feels. There's no pretending, now, that there's no deeper meaning in the way he turns his face ever-so-slightly into Lavi's touch, not quite pliant, but something close enough by Kanda standards. No matter what Kanda says, there's no denying the fact that he's still very much here in the same bed, letting Lavi kiss and touch with only the mildest threats, reaching out for him in turn. Lavi's cut off from reading his mind now, but there's no longer any way to pretend that he doesn't know there are a hundred thoughts running through Kanda's head, hidden behind his stares and his silences.
Or maybe he already knew. Lavi's observed him for so long, after all, and he's always been good at slipping into the spaces Kanda can't help but leave, like water flowing through the tiniest cracks in a dam. Maybe he knew all along that Kanda can't take his own advice. Maybe that's why he kept coming back, no matter how many times Kanda shoved him away: maybe Kanda's attachment was always visible, if only to a Bookman's eye.
Lavi doesn't speak, and unsurprisingly, Kanda doesn't either. He doesn't share his thoughts, doesn't speak to the way his heart can't help but ache a little with every stolen moment of happiness, as if it's impossible to feel a simple joy that isn't laced with pain. He doesn't tell Lavi anything like I love you, and he doesn't ask Lavi if they can slow their pace, find some excuse to draw out their search a little longer--but in exchange, he doesn't voice any of his doubts or fears or resignations, either.
Silence is a kindness, Kanda thinks, in its own way. There's enough said in the matching cords around their wrists, the minor bruises and scratches that won't fade so quickly from Lavi's skin--even in the quiet itself, warm and comfortable in a way they so rarely get to enjoy.
What they should do is go bathe since they didn't clean up AT ALL, but Kanda doesn't feel like it!! Instead, he waits until Lavi's done fussing with the blankets before he finally moves, shifting to throw a leg and an arm over Lavi and settling in to leech away all his body heat. "Didn't Kanda shove him away before" yeah but this time Kanda did it so it's DIFFERENT. Cat logic]
Go to sleep. We have a lot of walking tomorrow. [Woah... he didn't say "shut up"... IT'S A MIRACLE]
[Kanda really didn't say shut up.... and from him, that's as good as an 'I love you' from anyone else. A smile spreads across Lavi's face, and as tempted as he is to squeeze Kanda into an embrace... he settles for curling an arm around Kanda's waist, fingers splayed against his spine, enjoying the way Kanda's cool skin is gradually getting warmer. They really should CLEAN UP but Lavi also doesn't care enough to try and drag Kanda off to bath, even though the idea of making out in the tub is also appealing... Almost as appealing as falling asleep in Kanda's arms... almost.]
We don't have to leave right away. The inn owner probably won't get up until noon.
[another festival plus -- the sluggish morning after, when everyone's sore or nursing hangovers. which neither he nor kanda have, but listen. if everyone's gonna have a slow start to their day, then they deserve one too? he also likes the idea of just luxuriating in bed with Kanda....... even if Kanda isn't the type to sleep in, but that's fine because he can be awake instead! yeah! awake and in bed!!! the best of both worlds,]
[LAVI’S DREAM… CRUSHED…!!! A pout tugs at his lips, but he valiantly attempts to avoid sounding whiny, because that would just make Kanda elbow him in the stomach, and he’s just made himself comfy.]
Then let’s see the sunrise tomorrow! We can leave right after.
[Lavi sacrificing beautiful sleep for a chance to have another sunrise date… he’ll take that instead!!!]
[Not that he's complaining, since he doesn't mind the sunrise--likes watching it, even, at least with Lavi there to keep his mond from turning down dark paths--but he could probably be done with his morning training and back in the room for an hour by the time Lavi woke up, if Lavi wanted to snooze. Kanda would let him sleep... probably...]
at least Lavi's no longer pouting, his attention shifting to how nice Kanda feels wrapped around instead. he feels content, the kind of content that starts feeling drowsy,]
I want to.
[there's only so much time in a DAY... and after this, maybe none at all. Scawwy was a lot of things, but Lavi can't deny that it spoiled him with Kanda's company. He's not ready to shift back into their usual routines, but it'll happen someday, if not soon.]
Maybe we can spar a little too.
[he knows kanda likes sparring but refuses to ask others to spar with him and instead waits around for them to ask first....]
Thinks about biting Kanda because Lavi’s libido doesn’t live in a dusty broom closet it lives in a CASTLE but also what if Kanda thinks he’s starting a fight for real… he kisses the top of Kanda’s head instead, mwah]
If that’s what you want.
[he unfortunately can take it… it’s the m in him]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
STOP LAVI WOULD BE SO SCARED
But Lavi doesn't, which means Kanda gets to stay wholly focused on him, on this, on the way each and every little motion is a promise of pleasure that's instantly fulfilled. Kanda utterly loses track of time as he watches Lavi--have they been here like this for seconds? Hours?--before he finally has another semi-lucid thought. Inexplicably, his mind fixates on red: Lavi's red hair in his fist, red mouth stretched wide around him, red bracelets resting snugly on both their wrists, Lavi's shockingly bright against the pale skin of Kanda's stomach.
It's hypocritical, since he wants to see Lavi fall apart too, but he can't handle Lavi's stare in this moment, so he squeezes his eyes shut. His grip on Lavi's hair is probably way too tight, and it doesn't even occur to him to pull Lavi off or give him a warning. It takes every bit of coherence he has left to resist the urge to break past Lavi's hold and bury himself in Lavi's mouth until Lavi has to beg him for breath.
This time, Kanda is no state to hide. If Lavi wants it, he can get the full view he was denied before--the way Kanda's expression breaks just as he does, the sound of his voice as he cries out, the full-body shudder that runs through him as pleasure crashes into him a second time. He holds himself still for a long minute, but then the tension bleeds out of him and he melts back against the mattress, breathing hard.]
LSDMFDSL (lavi voice) BANGING CHANGED KANDA.....
But right now, he's just as happy to collapse next to Kanda, hands moving from the bright red imprints left on Kanda's hips to circle around him in a loose embrace, curling in close. He can feel the rise and fall of Kanda's breaths, and Lavi's are just as unsteady, pulling as much air into his lungs to make up for the lack of it earlier -- and to try and steady himself, now that he doesn't have Kanda's pleasure to distract him from his own.
It's not really working, not when Kanda's pleasure feeds his own, not when Lavi's picture perfect memory is already running full tilt against him, recreating that first peak in his mind's eye, and then the second, Kanda's voice ringing in his ear. He resists the urge to scrape his teeth against Kanda's shoulder, to pull him closer into his arms, to wrap his legs around Kanda's and rut against him like some pathetic, horny teenager. which he is, but listen.....
he tugs a sweat-soaked strand of hair from the corner of Kanda's mouth, and thinks deliriously of stealing all that hard-won air straight back out of Kanda's lungs, which makes him bite down on his own bright red lip -- and how much time has passed anyway, surely enough for Kanda to come down from his high?]
Yuu...
['yuu are you tired, are you drowsy, was my brilliant idea from earlier backfiring because it's sending you to snoozeville now, will I have to jack off by myself which like no big deal haha because that's something I can do, but it's not what I want but also if you touch me even a little I think I might die, but the good kind of dying, not like there's a good kind of dying but oh god you were so hot earlier and now I think I might die just from thinking about that --'
Lavi, fortunately, does not start talking a mile a minute, and instead murmurs Kanda's name again, letting it fall without a quip or a question, luxuriating in the sound of it, thank god]
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renews my paid and realizes 90% of these icons are angry anyway THIS WAS POINTLESS
As if he can sense Lavi's racing thoughts, Kanda lifts a hand, pressing his fingers to Lavi's lips without even opening his eyes. It's an excuse to touch just as much as it's a request for quiet and patience--Kanda's not particularly chatty under normal circumstances, after all, there's no way he'll waste the breath to speak when he's in the middle of trying to regain his coherence. He doesn't know how to just lay there and enjoy feeling good... seems fake...
But that's good news for Lavi, at least, because as soon as Kanda can think again--at least enough to open his eyes--he skips all of the banter and any further foreplay and reaches down to take Lavi firmly in hand. The past, like, twenty minutes is probably the full extent of Kanda's experience, but he doesn't try to do anything fancy or complicated--he just copies what Lavi did for him the first time. Mostly. He's a little rougher, his strokes a little more impatient, but hey, at least Lavi doesn't have to worry about being teased to death?? That's a future Kanvi scenario]
SKDLFFDS STOP KANDA'S BEAUTIFUL FAAAACE
Lavi parts his mouth under the press of Kanda's fingertips, caught between wanting to kiss or bite them -- but it turns out that he can't do either, not when Kanda's reaching down and wrapping his hand around him, touching, stroking, and unraveling him -- ]
Yuu -- [this time he gasps it out, the name curling into a near-whine. the muscles in his stomach feel hot, tight. he wants this to last, but there's no way -- not when he's been so viscerally turned on by Kanda for the past twenty or however many minutes they've been entangled together. his heated skin flushes red, sweeping across his face and neck and shoulders, like the color of his hair is spilling onto his skin.
he thrusts jerkily, following the quick, impatient rhythm of Kanda's hand, and he kind of loves that, how much this is so quintessentially Kanda -- impatient and rough -- but not as much as he likes how it's also not -- that Kanda is focused on getting him off when he normally never gives Lavi the time of day. this kind of attention is exhilarating, and it pushes Lavi closer to the peak -- closer with every stroke of Kanda's fingers. he doesn't know how he looks, but he knows he feels pretty damn blissed out, and maybe that's reflected in his eye, dilated and hazy, in the curve of his mouth as he whimpers Kanda's name.
undone in a way that Lavi would never have wanted or thought he was capable of. but he does and he is, and he's fast realizing that no matter how carefully constructed the mask -- it'll shatter under these basic, instinctual human impulses. the 49th has preferences, and so did the 48th, the 30th, and so on and so forth -- but as different as each mask was, they would have all crumbled the same way Lavi does now under Kanda's touch, back arching as he grips the sheets, breath fraying into a strangled gasp, focus sharpening on the crest and peak of his pleasure,
his shoulders fall as he sags onto the bed, pressing closer to Kanda, mind blanking and then slowly recomposing himself as he breathes. thank god kanda was nice enough to jerk him off and not TEASE HIM FOREVER... surely that scenario won't happen in the future (it will)]
no subject
But for now, Kanda is too busy learning. It's so strange, hearing his name in such a tone, and a part of Kanda marvels at the way it makes his stomach twist pleasantly. Never once has he concerned himself with someone else's pleasure like this--he's barely ever even cared about his own. But now, he finds himself caught up in watching every moment of Lavi's climax, surprising himself with how badly he wants to drink it all in. With how this feels like something he did, and how content (and maybe a little smug) it makes him feel to know that that's true.
For years, Tiedoll tried to teach him to see the beauty in the world. For Kanda, whose world was cold, dark, and empty, who woke up each day struggling to breathe from the crushing truth of humanity's ugliness, it seemed an impossible task. But here and now, watching the curve of Lavi's neck, the shine in his eye, the trembling of his shoulders--for once, he thinks he gets it.
Anyway he'll just keep going until Lavi tells him to stop so,]
no subject
[it's a less shaky rendition of Kanda's name, but it's a plea all the same as Lavi grabs hold of Kanda's wrist, trying to still his movements. His breathing's evened out by now, so he wraps his arms around Kanda and kisses him, craving touch.]
I'm all for another round, the corner of his lips tilt into a smile as he murmurs against his lips,] but you gotta give me a second, yeah?
[lavi like 'DONT JUST KEEP GOING but also i'm not against the concept in general'.... horny teenager is horny news at eleven]
no subject
Again?
[WHY DOES HE SOUND SO JUDGMENTAL WHEN HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING]
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Yeah! [DON'T JUST SAY YEAH] It felt real nice... You made me feel that way.
[okay GUSHY... he's starting to get less flushed but the red is still on his adoring expression. the gushy is real.... continues to drape himself around Kanda like the most tactile sea creature]
S'fine if you don't want to -- we could just cuddle!
[banging.... takes energy.... cuddling... is nice.....]
no subject
In the end, he sighs at Lavi's MUSHINESS and squirms away--but only a little, so that they're more comfortably side-by-side instead of plastered together so completely. He lifts a hand and puts it on Lavi's arm, though it's a mystery whether it's his own way of reaching out or just preparation for when he gets sick of cuddling and shoves Lavi off,,,]
I told you not to push your luck.
[
Honestly he wouldn't actually mind messing around all night, he just doesn't think Lavi should get everything he wants so easily]
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M'not! I'm telling you how I feel. [EVEN THOUGH HE'S ALWAYS PUSHING] And trying to see what you like.
[peeps over at him... speaking of....]
Did you like the first or the second better?
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For now he's content, though--warm and comfortable, enough that he probably will nap whenever Lavi drifts off, despite how little he sleeps in comparison. He doesn't even complain about Lavi's fingers in his hair, for once; he just tilts his head slightly to the side, close enough that he could probably rest his head against Lavi's if Lavi did actually move a little closer.]
Shutting you up is always better. [Bold words from a guy who pined for 3 weeks and is currently naked and snuggling BUT LISTEN he's gotta be his rudeass self always]
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[YEAH HE'S JUST THIS LOOMING RABBIT especially with how he inches close enough so that first their heads can touch, and then their lips. he brushes his mouth lightly against Kanda's, eye twinkling,]
'Specially when you do it with your mouth.
[his silence can be bought... with kisses (and incredible violence)]
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[PLEASE!!!! He's gonna snap Lavi's eyepatch against his face like a slingshot
But he doesn't for now, mostly since he doesn't actually have to move to kiss Lavi. "Kanda didn't you just shove him off a second ago" yeah well maybe he's fickle sometimes, sue him]
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Hehe.
[HE JUST GIGGLES INTO THIS KISS!!! Because… he’s happy… 😠happy to be next to Kanda and bask in his warmth, to touch his mouth and hair, to see his minute expressions to add to the lexicon of all that he already knows… he’s happy and some of that shine reflects in the way he kisses Kanda back, lingering in the taste of him as opposed to how eager he was earlier,]
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...Normally, anyway... except not this time. If asked, there's no way Kanda would be able to explain, even if he wanted to (and he definitely wouldn't want to)--but there's something about the sound of Lavi's laughter, the authenticity of his happiness, that lodges in Kanda's chest, warm and affectionate. It's the same as that morning on the ferris wheel, when Lavi had leaned against him, so happy to grab some time alone together despite the early hour. Being a bright spot in a bad situation, the way he so often is.
(But not like Alma. No, Lavi has always been his own person in Kanda's mind, and now in his heart. Kanda doesn't want to try and laugh like him--not when Lavi can coax Kanda's own smiles out of him, whether they're playfully cruel or small and content. They're rare, but they're still wholly Lavi's.)
There's still an urge to bite Lavi's lip about it, just for the sake of lashing out somehow, but if the last however-long is any indication, that's just asking for Lavi to get horny all over again...... Kanda's libido has been gathering dust in an abandoned broom closet his whole life, okay, he's not gonna match Lavi's freak on the first date. LAVI CAN WAIT and just enjoy this brand of lazy affection for now, and also get away with an unbitten lip, so really it's still a win/win]
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not that Lavi ISN'T behaving right now. he's perfectly fine with falling in line for as long as he gets to kiss Kanda, and wouldn't it be nice if that could be forever? or maybe this is how life is meant to be lived, with only snatches of happiness here and there. maybe this is what makes the rest worth it, all the turmoil and grief. knowing that he has this, this person and this feeling. he thinks 'maybe' when he knows that it's true, just from watching so many others. but it's one thing to see and something entirely different to feel it for yourself.
Lavi brushes his lips over Kanda's once more, this time lingering on the corner of his mouth, and then draws back, just far enough so he can see Kanda's face. his own expression lacks the intensity from earlier -- when Lavi had been consumed with the desire to know and see -- and instead is calm, searching in the way that Lavi gets when he thinks no one else is there to see past him. Kanda looks even sharper in the dark, and yet softer too -- like he's starlit, a portrait waiting to be painted. Mesmerized, Lavi traces the shadows with his hand, cradling the side of Kanda's face. the scarlet red of his bracelet stands out even more against Kanda's pale skin, and the sight makes his chest throb.
and for once, Lavi doesn't know what to say. and he's okay with that. he feels content to just have this, satisfied with this small part of history, known only to him and Kanda.
maybe banging really is the answer to shutting Lavi up... instead, he moves to finagle the blankets out from under them both, then draws them up around them since they've been completely naked for a while now and he knows Kanda runs cold... snuggles in....]
Comfy?
[last chance to KICK him out of BED!!!]
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But for better or for worse, they both know now that Kanda doesn't put nearly as much distance between himself and others as it might seem. No matter how much Kanda might want to pretend it never happened, Scawwy showed Lavi just how much Kanda sees, thinks, feels. There's no pretending, now, that there's no deeper meaning in the way he turns his face ever-so-slightly into Lavi's touch, not quite pliant, but something close enough by Kanda standards. No matter what Kanda says, there's no denying the fact that he's still very much here in the same bed, letting Lavi kiss and touch with only the mildest threats, reaching out for him in turn. Lavi's cut off from reading his mind now, but there's no longer any way to pretend that he doesn't know there are a hundred thoughts running through Kanda's head, hidden behind his stares and his silences.
Or maybe he already knew. Lavi's observed him for so long, after all, and he's always been good at slipping into the spaces Kanda can't help but leave, like water flowing through the tiniest cracks in a dam. Maybe he knew all along that Kanda can't take his own advice. Maybe that's why he kept coming back, no matter how many times Kanda shoved him away: maybe Kanda's attachment was always visible, if only to a Bookman's eye.
Lavi doesn't speak, and unsurprisingly, Kanda doesn't either. He doesn't share his thoughts, doesn't speak to the way his heart can't help but ache a little with every stolen moment of happiness, as if it's impossible to feel a simple joy that isn't laced with pain. He doesn't tell Lavi anything like I love you, and he doesn't ask Lavi if they can slow their pace, find some excuse to draw out their search a little longer--but in exchange, he doesn't voice any of his doubts or fears or resignations, either.
Silence is a kindness, Kanda thinks, in its own way. There's enough said in the matching cords around their wrists, the minor bruises and scratches that won't fade so quickly from Lavi's skin--even in the quiet itself, warm and comfortable in a way they so rarely get to enjoy.
What they should do is go bathe since they didn't clean up AT ALL, but Kanda doesn't feel like it!! Instead, he waits until Lavi's done fussing with the blankets before he finally moves, shifting to throw a leg and an arm over Lavi and settling in to leech away all his body heat. "Didn't Kanda shove him away before" yeah but this time Kanda did it so it's DIFFERENT. Cat logic]
Go to sleep. We have a lot of walking tomorrow. [Woah... he didn't say "shut up"... IT'S A MIRACLE]
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We don't have to leave right away. The inn owner probably won't get up until noon.
[another festival plus -- the sluggish morning after, when everyone's sore or nursing hangovers. which neither he nor kanda have, but listen. if everyone's gonna have a slow start to their day, then they deserve one too? he also likes the idea of just luxuriating in bed with Kanda....... even if Kanda isn't the type to sleep in, but that's fine because he can be awake instead! yeah! awake and in bed!!! the best of both worlds,]
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Yeah right. Not everyone likes sleeping as much as you.
[HE'LL BE UP AND OUTTA HERE AT 4... BYE]
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Then let’s see the sunrise tomorrow! We can leave right after.
[Lavi sacrificing beautiful sleep for a chance to have another sunrise date… he’ll take that instead!!!]
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He hums, a noncommittal noise of acknowledgment.]
You know you don't have to get up when I do.
[Not that he's complaining, since he doesn't mind the sunrise--likes watching it, even, at least with Lavi there to keep his mond from turning down dark paths--but he could probably be done with his morning training and back in the room for an hour by the time Lavi woke up, if Lavi wanted to snooze. Kanda would let him sleep... probably...]
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at least Lavi's no longer pouting, his attention shifting to how nice Kanda feels wrapped around instead. he feels content, the kind of content that starts feeling drowsy,]
I want to.
[there's only so much time in a DAY... and after this, maybe none at all. Scawwy was a lot of things, but Lavi can't deny that it spoiled him with Kanda's company. He's not ready to shift back into their usual routines, but it'll happen someday, if not soon.]
Maybe we can spar a little too.
[he knows kanda likes sparring but refuses to ask others to spar with him and instead waits around for them to ask first....]
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He huffs at that, though, in that roughly amused way he has.]
Only if you last more than five minutes.
["Kanda what if you just DIDN'T use your full strength on him" no Lavi can take it]
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Thinks about biting Kanda because Lavi’s libido doesn’t live in a dusty broom closet it lives in a CASTLE but also what if Kanda thinks he’s starting a fight for real… he kisses the top of Kanda’s head instead, mwah]
If that’s what you want.
[he unfortunately can take it… it’s the m in him]
But if I win, then you have to kiss me.
[GUESS WHOS STILL GONNA BE HORNY IN THE MORNING]
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the way I got confused bc I was logged in as kaveh... locked out of my own post
U BANNED URSELF ig kaveh and lavi know each other in the superhell mg universe
THEY REALLY DO unless scara destroyed sumeru and kaveh is dead
STOP I WILL SAVE KAVEH
LMFKJHDG he's just stuck in the roller coaster dimension forever
NOOOOO
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