[Lavi immediately shudders, because it's his name that Kanda is calling -- and that he's said it at all sends a shock wave through Lavi, zig-zagging all the way down the length of his spine and further, heightening his arousal. He shouldn't be this viscerally turned on just by this, but he is, because Kanda doesn't say his name lightly, if at all, and it pulls the intimacy of this moment even more tightly around them. He's Lavi, and Lavi is a foolish, hopeful cynic who enjoys putting Kanda off as much as he likes being with him, who likes peeling him apart and keeping him a secret -- who cares about Kanda as a friend, and also as someone more, someone a lot more, someone so much more --
someone who wants only what Lavi can give him.
Lavi keeps up the same pace, the same pressure, like he wants to keep Kanda at that precipice just for a moment longer, just long enough for him to angle his head back so he can see Kanda's face. He's already seen so much of Kanda that no one else has, and he's greedy for more -- he wants this too, he wants to see the lines of his face as Kanda comes apart from his touch, if his mouth falls open or presses shut, if Kanda's eyes meet his or dart away, if he turns the same faint shade of pink in the bright moonlight -- Lavi needs to see, he has to see.
His gaze is completely fixed on Kanda, utterly still, but his hand pumps him harder, faster, speeding up the already frenetic pace so that Lavi can finally give him not only what he needs, but something he might actually desire,]
[He's expecting Lavi to talk, but he doesn't have the attention to spare for surprise when Lavi doesn't. It doesn't really matter anyway--the way Lavi shivers, the way he shifts and moves and adjusts, they're all language too. Kanda doesn't need words to know that Lavi is encouraging him, pulling him further under the waves with the promise that the depths are safe.
He does think, briefly, that Lavi should've just asked him to strip completely if this was what he wanted--his gloves feel like they've melted against his skin, and his legs feel uncomfortably constricted at this angle. But none of that is enough to douse the heat that's built up within him, and Lavi might as well be pouring molten gold into his veins with every stroke of his long fingers.
His stamina in battle can't help him here, but Kanda has no reason to try and hold out. The only thing holding him back is fear--that part of himself that will never die, the part that trusts nothing and no one, the part that waits, endlessly braced for pain and broken promises, clawing and biting at anything tender or kind before it can be used against him. He feels so good, and Lavi is telling him through actions that he can keep this, that he can feel even better, but that seems impossible. Every jolt of pleasure is more terrifying than the last, and he doesn't want to dig his heels in, but Lavi is dragging him closer and closer to a precipice, and how can he possibly trust what waits at the bottom? He doesn't want to hit dark water all over again.
But he's stronger than he used to be. Or rather... more capable of letting himself be weak, at least with this specific person in this specific way. He opens his eyes, tilting his head up to catch Lavi's gaze--searching, in a way, but mostly reaffirming. And just as he'd thought, the look on Lavi's face instantly assuages his worries. There's no mistaking that hunger, more intense than Kanda's ever seen it--so much so that it's his turn to shake, overwhelmed, trusting enough to let himself be overwhelmed.
Of course Lavi will catch him when he falls. Lavi wants far too much of him not to. Later, he'll look back on this and know that there was never any reason for doubt or fear--but right now, that greed feels far more reliable than Lavi's love.
It's enough, in any case. Kanda doesn't consciously decide this--he just meets Lavi's gaze, and inhales sharply, and knows, instinctively, that he's done for. He curses once before he presses up, urgently mashing his mouth against Lavi's--not so much a kiss as an attempt to muffle the soft, high noises that escape him. He squeezes his eyes shut as he comes, blindly dragging Lavi closer, until there's barely enough space for Lavi's hand between them. Maybe greed is contagious, because it's not enough--every place they aren't touching feels like ice compared to the rush of heat throughout him, but he can't stop himself from chasing every last ounce of pleasure to be found in Lavi's touch, not even to kiss Lavi properly or to mold their bodies together completely. Even when it starts to hurt, he doesn't stop--Lavi will have to be the one to ease back first.]
[Lavi pulls back, but Kanda surges up to meet him, and any protests vanish in the hot, wet heat of Kanda's mouth and tongue, because Lavi can still see with all his other senses. He can see the pivotal moment run through Kanda like a live wire, and he adds a muffled groan of his own, exulting in the knowledge of it, like a historian would at something new, like a clumsy, eager lover would at the crest of his partner's pleasure.
It's tempting the way Kanda keeps moving underneath his hand -- and Lavi has just enough of that clumsy eagerness in him to think about keeping this up, to fall mesmerized by the desperate thrust of Kanda's hips... but no, a streak of rationale convinces him otherwise -- that and his pants are really unbearably tight, reminding him that whatever else he tries to draw Kanda into next, he should get to taking off the rest of their clothes? It's a wonderfully pleasant idea for later, but in the meantime -- his hand finally draws back as Lavi kisses Kanda back, properly, and then shifts his attention to his cheek, neck and as much collarbone as he can reach.
There's so much he wants to say because Lavi can never shut up, but he contents himself (FOR NOW) with humming soft, pleased noises as he nips the hollow of Kanda's throat, enjoying the salty taste of his skin, shining with exertion. He's perfectly happy to stay pressed against Kanda like this for however long Kanda wants him to, despite the heat. It really is getting so hot... Lavi will move... later.... for now he just wants to kiss and cuddle and wait for Kanda to catch his breath,]
[Well that's all well and good and Kanda will definitely take advantage of his patience to gradually come down from his high, savoring the warm affection of Lavi's hands and mouth even more than the remnants of ecstasy within him, but as soon as he's got some clarity back he just
shoves Lavi rudely
Imagine if I said ONTO THE FLOOR no just onto his back. He finally lifts his head again as he does, and his gaze is as direct and intense as always as he looks at Lavi, though he is, of course, oblivious to the fact that his eyes are much darker than they usually are. Even if he knew, he wouldn't care; he's busy finally peeling his own gloves off, tossing them carelessly to the side. If Lavi tries to sit up while he's doing that he'll just shove him back down again because he is the worst]
[HOPE KANDA ENJOYS THE LOOK OF utter bewilderment on Lavi's face as he's shoved off!! He instinctively tries to scramble back up, only to get pushed back down for his troubles. Usually, this would be his cue to somehow finagle an escape -- maybe post-orgasm Kanda is even crankier than normal Kanda and he's about to kick Lavi's ass about it --
but then his gaze darts up to meet Kanda's, and he swallows -- the sound audible now that the room isn't filled with their panting breaths, pinned in place by the intensity he can see in Kanda's eyes. even the brisk, quick way Kanda pulls off his gloves has Lavi riveted -- revealing the curve of his wrists, and his long, elegant fingers.
He doesn't have a hand kink, he thinks, but... maybe he does... Or is it just another part of Kanda for him to be infatuated with? he relaxes, enjoying the view -- Kanda's long hair spilling over his shoulders, strands sticking to the sheen of sweat on his chest, his pants unbuttoned and open, which makes for a very illicit picture --]
You look good, Yuu.
[he can't sit up with Kanda laying him flat again, so he stretches out his hands instead, digging his thumb into Kanda's hip,]
Lemme take these off for ya.
[should have done it EARLIER but he was too horny to think about it..... he's still horny -- yes well]
[HELP IMAGINE ALL THAT EFFORT JUST TO GET AN ANGRY KANDA IN THE END
Fortunately that's not the case; once his gloves are off, he sits up, uncaring that he's trapped one of Lavi's legs with the way he's sitting. Though he does frown down at Lavi, it's out of confusion rather than anger. He reaches out, splaying his fingers and pressing his bared palm to the center of Lavi's chest.]
Why?
[Isn't it Lavi's turn... that's how this works?? He knows THAT much, surely.]
[angry Kanda is cute..... but confused Kanda is even cuter.... is it the horniness talking or is this just normal lavi behavior... perhaps both,
he shivers at the warmth of Kanda's hand, arching up just enough to press against it. the pressure is insanely distracting because he's starting to think about how much better Kanda's hand would feel between his legs -- but oh yeah he had a point to this]
[WELL YEAH he believes Lavi, he just doesn't want to take a detour away from his original intentions of touching Lavi... why would he do something just because he'd "look good"...
He looks at Lavi a little longer, not even particularly swayed by the logic because above all he just likes to do what he wants--but what he wants to do right now is to make Lavi feel the way he just did, and Lavi has made it abundantly clear that he likes looking at him, so. He rolls his eyes, but he shifts off of Lavi to flop back down on the bed beside him. He lets his head loll to the side and looks at Lavi like "well hurry it up then" like an IMPATIENT JERK, though not so impatient that he won't let Lavi do this like he'd asked to, at least. Thanks Kanda.]
[Lavi immediately shows his gratitude by, as always, TESTING HIS LUCK... in that he scoots over to plant a kiss on Kanda's impatient mouth first... before all else... even though Kanda told him to HURRY IT UP with his LASER EYED GAZE. maybe that's the reason why Lavi doesn't deepen the kiss, breaking it off to instead attend to business --
by taking his own pants off first.... but with all the haste, and it's maybe the fastest Lavi has ever stripped before, because he tosses his clothing aside to join wherever their gloves are, and then finally -- finally reaches over to do the same to Kanda. He does like looking at him, at any time and in any way, but this moment itself -- with Kanda's head tilted to the side and the rest of him bare -- is worth another look, and another. Just to take in the details, and mark the differences from all those other times they've seen each other naked -- like the atmosphere, the intimacy of their bed, their feelings for each other.
Lavi hooks a hand under Kanda's knee, lifting his leg up just high enough so he can kiss Kanda's thigh, gently at first, before he suddenly bites down.... AKUMA BEHAVIOR except he doesn't bite hard enough to hurt, just sucks hard enough to leave a bruise, even though there's a high chance it won't last with Kanda's healing factor, and maybe later Lavi will realize that and avoid leaving any hickeys at all -- worried instead about Kanda's ever-shortening life span -- but that moment isn't now. right now's just for curiosity and adoration, it's for exploring and figuring out what Kanda likes and doesn't like, what he wants from Lavi and what he can do without.]
[It would be easy, when Lavi pauses to drink in the sight of him, to shove him back down and take over. Kanda isn't polite, after all--he has no particular intentions of being a generous lover, no strong desire to do anything purely out of love for Lavi. He's found that he wants to touch, yes, to watch Lavi fall apart in his hands, but that's because he wants to see it for himself, not out of any spirit of reciprocity. He wants to make Lavi feel good too, but it's because he enjoys being the only person to have the power to strip away layer after layer of Lavi's defenses, the only one who can trap him, corner him, back to the wall, until Lavi has no choice but to show the truth of himself, whether that's pleasure or pain, love or rage. He could pin Lavi down, wrap a hand around him, and throw him mercilessly over the edge, and it's purely his own selfish choice not to.
(At least--that's what he tells himself. And if there's traces of warmth in the heat of his gaze, if his eyes linger on Lavi's face more than they roam over his body... well, it's not like Lavi can make him admit it.)
Regardless of reasoning, he does not lose patience and throw Lavi onto (or out of) the bed... YET... no promises that he won't. He just watches Lavi--and he hisses at the sudden bite, his leg jerking more out of surprise than pain--and then he stabs Lavi who is clearly possessed. No okay BUT after the initial surprise, he reaches over to grab Lavi's hair, pulling his head up. It's not like it felt bad (though it's a little confusing to experience a type of pain that also feels good for once), but--]
What are you doing. [He really thought Lavi would be clamoring for his turn right away so this detour is throwing him off]
but instead he's being YANKED... normally he'd start whining at being treated so ROUGHLY, but his sharp intake of breath isn't from pain, and neither is the dark look in his eye. Lavi would never think of himself as a guy who enjoys pain, not when their day jobs involve so much of it -- but he's in that hazy sort of state where everything feels good. Also, having Kanda's focus is intoxicating for a guy who always pesters him for attention...]
[Somehow it doesn't surprise Kanda that Lavi likes this--but he isn't sure if "Lavi likes everything" is another part of the facade he bought into, or if it's an assumption drawn from Lavi stating, quite clearly, that he simply wanted to enjoy their time together. It bothers him a little, not knowing. If his thoughts were a little clearer, maybe he'd remember that Lavi, too, is still learning his own authentic tastes and interests--but Kanda isn't really interested in existential pondering right this second.
He keeps his hand in Lavi's hair for now, though, since he's not sure yet if he'll want to loosen his grip and comb his fingers through it, or use it to fling Lavi out the window... it all depends on Lavi...]
You already did that. [
Damn maybe he shouldn't have admitted that so easily. He walked into that one]
Lavi could choose the window if he obnoxiously patted himself on the back, or grinned with his usual sneaky mischief, or waggled his eyebrows and asked Kanda to say that again. Instead, his smile is softer, boyishly lopsided, and the dark look in his eye from earlier turns warm, because it’s nice to hear it out loud, to hear Kanda say it out loud when normally he shows his answers through the toss of his head or the piercing look in his eye.
He leans against Kanda’s hand, voice low and earnest,]
I could do it again.
[if Kanda wanted him too, right now. He could do a lot of things if Kanda wanted him too.]
They don't have to, but Lavi could try -- if that was Kanda's question. If he had asked 'why'. Maybe then Lavi would have to put this desire to name, how different it is from his usual curiosity, because curiosity is allowed and encouraged in a Bookman, and this isn't. Not the care he wants to show, or the affection he wants to make clear. Nothing that would make a human out of him.
he hums a soft 'mmhmm', and then just in case that isn't clear enough --]
It is.
the way my paid ran out but I still have my cat icons
[Imagine if Kanda was like "actually I'm tired now I'm going to sleep" and just left Lavi on his own and that's the end of this thread
Kanda would but I love Lavi too much to do that to him so I WON'T!!! Which means that Kanda stares at him a little more, debating. It's trickier than he expected it to be, figuring out the Lavi that's with him compared to the one he's so accustomed to. They're the same in many ways, but here and now, the differences are stark. It's not that the man who grins so shamelessly, who pranks him and teases him and pushes all his buttons just for the fun of it, isn't a genuine part of Lavi, but it's not the way he's behaving right now, and it's a little jarring. It feels like moving to block a strike, only for the blow to never actually come.
Ultimately, Kanda decides, the desire to touch isn't strong enough to win out over uncertainty. Lavi clearly already has a thousand ideas of things he wants to do (and maybe at some point, when he's in the right mood for it, Kanda can bully him about that), whereas Kanda is simply learning by example and guessing at the rest. He'd rather know what he wants and likes personally before they get too far ahead of themselves. Could Lavi survive a life of celibacy if Kanda decides he only likes handjobs, that's the real question here. Even though Kanda thinks the answer is "probably," which is annoying,,,
(Is part of it because he doesn't want to look like an idiot later, MAYBE...... but no one will ever know that so it's fine.)
Eventually, he lets go of Lavi's hair with a sigh, laying back. His healing has slowed considerably, but something small like Lavi's mark poses no challenge for his body--it's already begun to fade away.]
Fine. [HE COULD STAND TO SOUND MORE ENTHUSED]
LSDMFLFDS AND UR HAPPY KANDA ICON time to switch for every tag
[kanda should do that yeah it would serve lavi right since he's SO HORNY RIGHT NOW!!!
and thinking of apparently a THOUSAND THINGS HE WANTS TO DO WITH KANDA as if sleeping isn't his absolutely favorite thing to do of all time. but that just goes to show how much Kanda means to him... and how horny he is ig....
Lavi smiles against the now pristine skin at Kanda's enthused response. It would have been nice if the mark lasted a little longer, but there's nothing stopping him from leaving one again, which he does, working the hickey into Kanda's thigh and then soothing it with his tongue until it disappears. he could really lie here between Kanda's thighs and keep leaving marks, and the idea appeals to him in a way lazy mornings in bed do, but he doesn't actually want Kanda to get so comfortable that he falls ASLEEP. or worse yet, BORED.....
he slides his hand up to grip Kanda's hip, while the other wraps around Kanda's length, stroking him at the same slow pace he'd used in the beginning. but before Kanda can cut in with a 'we literally did this a second ago', he presses in closer, dipping his head so he can take him into his mouth.
maybe kanda will decide that he only likes blowjobs because lavi can't fcking TALK during them]
[STOP THEY CAN SLEEP TOGETHER (literal) LATER!! And look is it WRONG to think Lavi has a hundred fantasies running through his head right now, he doesn't have that big ol' Bookman brain for nothing...
Kanda's not a particularly imaginative person, though--at least not in this way, not yet. (Maybe never? Kanda doesn't know. This is new territory for both of them.) He's glad to feel Lavi's lips return to his skin, and not just because it means Lavi's shutting up. It saves Kanda from having to think too hard about what he should be doing, where to put his hands, how to hold himself. He knows Lavi can't possibly expect him to be good at any of this, but Kanda still doesn't like feeling so out of his depth. And yet, it's hard to guess at what Lavi might like when Kanda himself isn't even sure about the shape of his own want. He's never known a desire that wasn't encased in distant longing.
It's comforting, in a way--knowing that Lavi will take the lead like this, even if he's still figuring out what he's doing too. Even more than how good it feels, little sparks of electricity flitting up his nerves with every scrape of teeth and flick of tongue, Kanda finds himself warmed by the strength of Lavi's devotion, that he would go so far for someone with so little to offer him. Is it a great burden for Lavi to get his boyfriend off after specifically asking to do that, OKAY LOOK MAYBE NOT..... but it means a lot to Kanda that Lavi is so willing to go along with his whims, so ready to make suggestions and express his own desires for Kanda's consideration, and that's what matters.
But any such thoughts--any thoughts at all--go flying out the window as Lavi's lips close over him. For once, Kanda's composure visibly shatters, his naturally icy expression melting under the heat of Lavi's mouth. He gasps sharply, his hands twisting in the sheets where they'd fallen, and maybe his body is capable of sensitivity after all, because it's almost like being dragged right back to a few minutes ago, as if he never came down from that cresting ecstasy. He thrusts up mindlessly, hard, incapable of resisting the urge, completely forgetting to even try. Hopefully Lavi was prepared for that oops]
[STOP I MEANT HE DOES he has so many thots..... it's like he's forging a new identity called horny4kanda. kanda should absolutely bully him for being so deranged
or as Lavi would like to call it... eager! Because it's not a crime to be eager, and it's definitely not one to be happy when Kanda seems open to the idea of this between them, their relationship and all the parts unknown. It means just as much to Lavi that Kanda says yes, that he hasn't grown tired or irritated with him, and that he actually seems to like what Lavi's doing, because how many things in this world does Kanda like.... And how many of those things can Lavi give him?
It might not be many, but at least he's the only one who can. He's the only one who knows the shape of Kanda's arousal, of how he looks and sounds and feels, of how long he takes and how soon he comes, the inflection of his voice when he says Lavi's name. And Lavi is as taken by it as he is by every other thing, just like right now.
He's not so far gone that he doesn't anticipate Kanda's sudden MOVEMENT, because why wouldn't Kanda move when he chased Lavi's hand so endearingly just earlier -- so luckily for them BOTH, Lavi doesn't choke on Kanda's DICK and then DIE from suffocation... even though lavi deserves that. instead, he grabs Kanda by the waist, fingers digging into his hips, and presses him back down onto the bed, sliding off so he can murmur,]
You can move next time -- if you wanna.
[and maybe Lavi's being a little cheeky for assuming that there WILL be a next time, but if Kanda has any complaints, then Lavi will hear them after -- after he wraps his lips around Kanda's cock again, sucking and licking with renewed vigor, making sure to exert just enough pressure so that Kanda's thrusts don't knock him the fck out, his back muscles bunching with the effort. all worth it for this, to draw Kanda's pleasure from him and prove that the first time wasn't just a lucky break,]
[I can't believe this is Lavi's official 50th identity
They really do deserve for this to become a comedy of errors--but Lavi's smarter than Kanda is, and stronger when he wants to be, and Kanda would be so annoyed at Lavi using his strength for THIS of all things if he wasn't currently short-circuiting. If he hears Lavi's words at all, he completely ignores them, straining against Lavi's hold as a soft moan sticks low in his throat. He'd be embarrassed (and ANGRY) about it, but his breaths are already staccato, and he can't spare any to form words.
He's burying his fingers in Lavi's hair again before he's even realized his hands have moved, but he manages to hold himself back from shoving Lavi's head down, clinging to the minuscule threads of kindness and patience he possesses. A part of him wants to throw his head back and close his eyes, to let himself be dragged back to the edge with each curl of Lavi's tongue; that's what Lavi wants from him, and why on earth would Kanda deny him? But Kanda is selfish--not as much as it seems, but undeniably so nonetheless--and paradoxically, Kanda finds he's not satisfied with just lying back and luxuriating in pleasure. He wants to touch, to see, to be more of a part of this than he has been up to now.
(Maybe it's not that surprising. He's never done well with an onslaught of attention, after all.)
But action takes a type of strength he doesn't have--not when he lifts his head and immediately spots the red of Lavi's lips, so much brighter than they normally are, and finds his movements arrested by their color, their shine. He'd pushed himself up on one elbow out of half-baked restlessness, and his non-plans crumble with every fervent bob of Lavi's throat. He's never cared much about the way things look, but right now, all he can do is stare, transfixed, at the way Lavi's hair sticks to his forehead, the length of Lavi's fingers where they press against his hip--more than anything, at the expression on Lavi's face, like he truly doesn't want to be anywhere but here, doing anything but this, for a length of time that only exists in their wildest dreams.]
[so this is what it's like -- this spellbound intimacy that Lavi has only ever seen at a distance. this is what people do and how they feel, and it turns out that these feelings really are capable of shaping the world, because Lavi's have changed his -- are changing his, even now. he's felt this once before, but that was all on his own. but this time? he feels Kanda's fingers curl in his hair, feels that weighted gaze pinned on him, and knows implicitly that he's not the only one changing, and that realization is terrifying and heady and wondrous.
it's as heady as having all of Kanda's attention, and Lavi wants to indulge. he's had so much and all he wants is more, more of Kanda, more of the tension in the hand buried in Lavi's hair, more of his taste and scent and wild-eyed expression, disheveled and messy. not that Lavi is any different, not when he draws back and swirls his tongue over the head of Kanda's cock, teasing and yet, rapturous. he wants to ask 'like what you see?', he wants to say 'I want you when I've never wanted anything else', but saying either means losing this hypnotic, deafening rhythm, so Lavi makes it clear in other ways -- in the mischievous bat of his eyelashes right before he takes Kanda in further, in the moan that vibrates deep in his throat, in the way he bobs his head and digs his nails into the skin of Kanda's hips.
it's probably a good thing Lavi doesn't have the presence of mind right now for anything other than Kanda's pleasure, because if he took even a few seconds to sketch out the scene they're making -- naked and illicitly tangled, soldiers of God creating something divine, creatures of purpose finding just that in each other -- then he'd probably come first. as it is, he's determined, he wants Kanda to feel good -- even if he refuses to admit it after, he wants to print those feelings deep in him, leave a mark in the man he knows as Yuu, deeper than any Lavi's left before.]
[It really is a good thing Lavi doesn't pull away to speak. As it is, Kanda is too captivated to react to Lavi's teasing with the anger and violence he normally would. If Lavi were to speak, even to say something raw and heartwrenching, it would be like a splash of cold water, shocking Kanda out of the moment and tempting him to backpedal towards normalcy with a vengeance.
But Lavi doesn't, which means Kanda gets to stay wholly focused on him, on this, on the way each and every little motion is a promise of pleasure that's instantly fulfilled. Kanda utterly loses track of time as he watches Lavi--have they been here like this for seconds? Hours?--before he finally has another semi-lucid thought. Inexplicably, his mind fixates on red: Lavi's red hair in his fist, red mouth stretched wide around him, red bracelets resting snugly on both their wrists, Lavi's shockingly bright against the pale skin of Kanda's stomach.
It's hypocritical, since he wants to see Lavi fall apart too, but he can't handle Lavi's stare in this moment, so he squeezes his eyes shut. His grip on Lavi's hair is probably way too tight, and it doesn't even occur to him to pull Lavi off or give him a warning. It takes every bit of coherence he has left to resist the urge to break past Lavi's hold and bury himself in Lavi's mouth until Lavi has to beg him for breath.
This time, Kanda is no state to hide. If Lavi wants it, he can get the full view he was denied before--the way Kanda's expression breaks just as he does, the sound of his voice as he cries out, the full-body shudder that runs through him as pleasure crashes into him a second time. He holds himself still for a long minute, but then the tension bleeds out of him and he melts back against the mattress, breathing hard.]
[Lavi wants it, because of course he does, mouth and tongue moving in tandem with his frenzied heartbeat, every cell in his body solely attuned to Kanda, waiting and wanting and pleading -- and then Kanda's closing his eyes and it's Lavi's turn to be utterly transfixed. He's lost, so much that he doesn't even think to let Kanda go, fixated instead by curve of Kanda's shoulders as he shakes, the desperate gasp he lets out. Lavi takes it all in, greedy, even when the taste of him threatens to overwhelm. It should be a sharp drag down to reality, but it's not -- the discomfort is fleeting, and most of all -- it's human. Like the ache in his jaw, and the tension wrought in his wrists and fingers -- all things Lavi would happily endure again.
But right now, he's just as happy to collapse next to Kanda, hands moving from the bright red imprints left on Kanda's hips to circle around him in a loose embrace, curling in close. He can feel the rise and fall of Kanda's breaths, and Lavi's are just as unsteady, pulling as much air into his lungs to make up for the lack of it earlier -- and to try and steady himself, now that he doesn't have Kanda's pleasure to distract him from his own.
It's not really working, not when Kanda's pleasure feeds his own, not when Lavi's picture perfect memory is already running full tilt against him, recreating that first peak in his mind's eye, and then the second, Kanda's voice ringing in his ear. He resists the urge to scrape his teeth against Kanda's shoulder, to pull him closer into his arms, to wrap his legs around Kanda's and rut against him like some pathetic, horny teenager. which he is, but listen.....
he tugs a sweat-soaked strand of hair from the corner of Kanda's mouth, and thinks deliriously of stealing all that hard-won air straight back out of Kanda's lungs, which makes him bite down on his own bright red lip -- and how much time has passed anyway, surely enough for Kanda to come down from his high?]
Yuu...
['yuu are you tired, are you drowsy, was my brilliant idea from earlier backfiring because it's sending you to snoozeville now, will I have to jack off by myself which like no big deal haha because that's something I can do, but it's not what I want but also if you touch me even a little I think I might die, but the good kind of dying, not like there's a good kind of dying but oh god you were so hot earlier and now I think I might die just from thinking about that --'
Lavi, fortunately, does not start talking a mile a minute, and instead murmurs Kanda's name again, letting it fall without a quip or a question, luxuriating in the sound of it, thank god]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
someone who wants only what Lavi can give him.
Lavi keeps up the same pace, the same pressure, like he wants to keep Kanda at that precipice just for a moment longer, just long enough for him to angle his head back so he can see Kanda's face. He's already seen so much of Kanda that no one else has, and he's greedy for more -- he wants this too, he wants to see the lines of his face as Kanda comes apart from his touch, if his mouth falls open or presses shut, if Kanda's eyes meet his or dart away, if he turns the same faint shade of pink in the bright moonlight -- Lavi needs to see, he has to see.
His gaze is completely fixed on Kanda, utterly still, but his hand pumps him harder, faster, speeding up the already frenetic pace so that Lavi can finally give him not only what he needs, but something he might actually desire,]
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He does think, briefly, that Lavi should've just asked him to strip completely if this was what he wanted--his gloves feel like they've melted against his skin, and his legs feel uncomfortably constricted at this angle. But none of that is enough to douse the heat that's built up within him, and Lavi might as well be pouring molten gold into his veins with every stroke of his long fingers.
His stamina in battle can't help him here, but Kanda has no reason to try and hold out. The only thing holding him back is fear--that part of himself that will never die, the part that trusts nothing and no one, the part that waits, endlessly braced for pain and broken promises, clawing and biting at anything tender or kind before it can be used against him. He feels so good, and Lavi is telling him through actions that he can keep this, that he can feel even better, but that seems impossible. Every jolt of pleasure is more terrifying than the last, and he doesn't want to dig his heels in, but Lavi is dragging him closer and closer to a precipice, and how can he possibly trust what waits at the bottom? He doesn't want to hit dark water all over again.
But he's stronger than he used to be. Or rather... more capable of letting himself be weak, at least with this specific person in this specific way. He opens his eyes, tilting his head up to catch Lavi's gaze--searching, in a way, but mostly reaffirming. And just as he'd thought, the look on Lavi's face instantly assuages his worries. There's no mistaking that hunger, more intense than Kanda's ever seen it--so much so that it's his turn to shake, overwhelmed, trusting enough to let himself be overwhelmed.
Of course Lavi will catch him when he falls. Lavi wants far too much of him not to. Later, he'll look back on this and know that there was never any reason for doubt or fear--but right now, that greed feels far more reliable than Lavi's love.
It's enough, in any case. Kanda doesn't consciously decide this--he just meets Lavi's gaze, and inhales sharply, and knows, instinctively, that he's done for. He curses once before he presses up, urgently mashing his mouth against Lavi's--not so much a kiss as an attempt to muffle the soft, high noises that escape him. He squeezes his eyes shut as he comes, blindly dragging Lavi closer, until there's barely enough space for Lavi's hand between them. Maybe greed is contagious, because it's not enough--every place they aren't touching feels like ice compared to the rush of heat throughout him, but he can't stop himself from chasing every last ounce of pleasure to be found in Lavi's touch, not even to kiss Lavi properly or to mold their bodies together completely. Even when it starts to hurt, he doesn't stop--Lavi will have to be the one to ease back first.]
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It's tempting the way Kanda keeps moving underneath his hand -- and Lavi has just enough of that clumsy eagerness in him to think about keeping this up, to fall mesmerized by the desperate thrust of Kanda's hips... but no, a streak of rationale convinces him otherwise -- that and his pants are really unbearably tight, reminding him that whatever else he tries to draw Kanda into next, he should get to taking off the rest of their clothes? It's a wonderfully pleasant idea for later, but in the meantime -- his hand finally draws back as Lavi kisses Kanda back, properly, and then shifts his attention to his cheek, neck and as much collarbone as he can reach.
There's so much he wants to say because Lavi can never shut up, but he contents himself (FOR NOW) with humming soft, pleased noises as he nips the hollow of Kanda's throat, enjoying the salty taste of his skin, shining with exertion. He's perfectly happy to stay pressed against Kanda like this for however long Kanda wants him to, despite the heat. It really is getting so hot... Lavi will move... later.... for now he just wants to kiss and cuddle and wait for Kanda to catch his breath,]
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shoves Lavi rudely
Imagine if I said ONTO THE FLOOR no just onto his back. He finally lifts his head again as he does, and his gaze is as direct and intense as always as he looks at Lavi, though he is, of course, oblivious to the fact that his eyes are much darker than they usually are. Even if he knew, he wouldn't care; he's busy finally peeling his own gloves off, tossing them carelessly to the side. If Lavi tries to sit up while he's doing that he'll just shove him back down again because he is the worst]
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[HOPE KANDA ENJOYS THE LOOK OF utter bewilderment on Lavi's face as he's shoved off!! He instinctively tries to scramble back up, only to get pushed back down for his troubles. Usually, this would be his cue to somehow finagle an escape -- maybe post-orgasm Kanda is even crankier than normal Kanda and he's about to kick Lavi's ass about it --
but then his gaze darts up to meet Kanda's, and he swallows -- the sound audible now that the room isn't filled with their panting breaths, pinned in place by the intensity he can see in Kanda's eyes. even the brisk, quick way Kanda pulls off his gloves has Lavi riveted -- revealing the curve of his wrists, and his long, elegant fingers.
He doesn't have a hand kink, he thinks, but... maybe he does... Or is it just another part of Kanda for him to be infatuated with? he relaxes, enjoying the view -- Kanda's long hair spilling over his shoulders, strands sticking to the sheen of sweat on his chest, his pants unbuttoned and open, which makes for a very illicit picture --]
You look good, Yuu.
[he can't sit up with Kanda laying him flat again, so he stretches out his hands instead, digging his thumb into Kanda's hip,]
Lemme take these off for ya.
[should have done it EARLIER but he was too horny to think about it..... he's still horny -- yes well]
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Fortunately that's not the case; once his gloves are off, he sits up, uncaring that he's trapped one of Lavi's legs with the way he's sitting. Though he does frown down at Lavi, it's out of confusion rather than anger. He reaches out, splaying his fingers and pressing his bared palm to the center of Lavi's chest.]
Why?
[Isn't it Lavi's turn... that's how this works?? He knows THAT much, surely.]
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he shivers at the warmth of Kanda's hand, arching up just enough to press against it. the pressure is insanely distracting because he's starting to think about how much better Kanda's hand would feel between his legs -- but oh yeah he had a point to this]
Cause you'd look even better with 'em off.
[HE JUST WANTS KANDA TO BE NAKED....]
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And you won't feel as hot!
[what a sensible, logical reason!!!!]
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He looks at Lavi a little longer, not even particularly swayed by the logic because above all he just likes to do what he wants--but what he wants to do right now is to make Lavi feel the way he just did, and Lavi has made it abundantly clear that he likes looking at him, so. He rolls his eyes, but he shifts off of Lavi to flop back down on the bed beside him. He lets his head loll to the side and looks at Lavi like "well hurry it up then" like an IMPATIENT JERK, though not so impatient that he won't let Lavi do this like he'd asked to, at least. Thanks Kanda.]
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by taking his own pants off first.... but with all the haste, and it's maybe the fastest Lavi has ever stripped before, because he tosses his clothing aside to join wherever their gloves are, and then finally -- finally reaches over to do the same to Kanda. He does like looking at him, at any time and in any way, but this moment itself -- with Kanda's head tilted to the side and the rest of him bare -- is worth another look, and another. Just to take in the details, and mark the differences from all those other times they've seen each other naked -- like the atmosphere, the intimacy of their bed, their feelings for each other.
Lavi hooks a hand under Kanda's knee, lifting his leg up just high enough so he can kiss Kanda's thigh, gently at first, before he suddenly bites down.... AKUMA BEHAVIOR except he doesn't bite hard enough to hurt, just sucks hard enough to leave a bruise, even though there's a high chance it won't last with Kanda's healing factor, and maybe later Lavi will realize that and avoid leaving any hickeys at all -- worried instead about Kanda's ever-shortening life span -- but that moment isn't now. right now's just for curiosity and adoration, it's for exploring and figuring out what Kanda likes and doesn't like, what he wants from Lavi and what he can do without.]
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(At least--that's what he tells himself. And if there's traces of warmth in the heat of his gaze, if his eyes linger on Lavi's face more than they roam over his body... well, it's not like Lavi can make him admit it.)
Regardless of reasoning, he does not lose patience and throw Lavi onto (or out of) the bed... YET... no promises that he won't. He just watches Lavi--and he hisses at the sudden bite, his leg jerking more out of surprise than pain--and then he stabs Lavi who is clearly possessed. No okay BUT after the initial surprise, he reaches over to grab Lavi's hair, pulling his head up. It's not like it felt bad (though it's a little confusing to experience a type of pain that also feels good for once), but--]
What are you doing. [He really thought Lavi would be clamoring for his turn right away so this detour is throwing him off]
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but instead he's being YANKED... normally he'd start whining at being treated so ROUGHLY, but his sharp intake of breath isn't from pain, and neither is the dark look in his eye. Lavi would never think of himself as a guy who enjoys pain, not when their day jobs involve so much of it -- but he's in that hazy sort of state where everything feels good. Also, having Kanda's focus is intoxicating for a guy who always pesters him for attention...]
Just trying to make you feel nice.
[😏😏 "again"]
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He keeps his hand in Lavi's hair for now, though, since he's not sure yet if he'll want to loosen his grip and comb his fingers through it, or use it to fling Lavi out the window... it all depends on Lavi...]
You already did that. [
Damn maybe he shouldn't have admitted that so easily. He walked into that one]
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Lavi could choose the window if he obnoxiously patted himself on the back, or grinned with his usual sneaky mischief, or waggled his eyebrows and asked Kanda to say that again. Instead, his smile is softer, boyishly lopsided, and the dark look in his eye from earlier turns warm, because it’s nice to hear it out loud, to hear Kanda say it out loud when normally he shows his answers through the toss of his head or the piercing look in his eye.
He leans against Kanda’s hand, voice low and earnest,]
I could do it again.
[if Kanda wanted him too, right now. He could do a lot of things if Kanda wanted him too.]
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But he won't, not when Lavi is being so cute... not that Kanda would ever admit THAT!!! He'd jump out the window himself first.
He gives Lavi a long look. They don't have to get deep about it, but before he decides anything, he does at least want to know--]
Is that what you want?
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They don't have to, but Lavi could try -- if that was Kanda's question. If he had asked 'why'. Maybe then Lavi would have to put this desire to name, how different it is from his usual curiosity, because curiosity is allowed and encouraged in a Bookman, and this isn't. Not the care he wants to show, or the affection he wants to make clear. Nothing that would make a human out of him.
he hums a soft 'mmhmm', and then just in case that isn't clear enough --]
It is.
the way my paid ran out but I still have my cat icons
Kanda would but I love Lavi too much to do that to him so I WON'T!!! Which means that Kanda stares at him a little more, debating. It's trickier than he expected it to be, figuring out the Lavi that's with him compared to the one he's so accustomed to. They're the same in many ways, but here and now, the differences are stark. It's not that the man who grins so shamelessly, who pranks him and teases him and pushes all his buttons just for the fun of it, isn't a genuine part of Lavi, but it's not the way he's behaving right now, and it's a little jarring. It feels like moving to block a strike, only for the blow to never actually come.
Ultimately, Kanda decides, the desire to touch isn't strong enough to win out over uncertainty. Lavi clearly already has a thousand ideas of things he wants to do (and maybe at some point, when he's in the right mood for it, Kanda can bully him about that), whereas Kanda is simply learning by example and guessing at the rest. He'd rather know what he wants and likes personally before they get too far ahead of themselves. Could Lavi survive a life of celibacy if Kanda decides he only likes handjobs, that's the real question here. Even though Kanda thinks the answer is "probably," which is annoying,,,
(Is part of it because he doesn't want to look like an idiot later, MAYBE...... but no one will ever know that so it's fine.)
Eventually, he lets go of Lavi's hair with a sigh, laying back. His healing has slowed considerably, but something small like Lavi's mark poses no challenge for his body--it's already begun to fade away.]
Fine. [HE COULD STAND TO SOUND MORE ENTHUSED]
LSDMFLFDS AND UR HAPPY KANDA ICON time to switch for every tag
and thinking of apparently a THOUSAND THINGS HE WANTS TO DO WITH KANDA as if sleeping isn't his absolutely favorite thing to do of all time. but that just goes to show how much Kanda means to him... and how horny he is ig....
Lavi smiles against the now pristine skin at Kanda's enthused response. It would have been nice if the mark lasted a little longer, but there's nothing stopping him from leaving one again, which he does, working the hickey into Kanda's thigh and then soothing it with his tongue until it disappears. he could really lie here between Kanda's thighs and keep leaving marks, and the idea appeals to him in a way lazy mornings in bed do, but he doesn't actually want Kanda to get so comfortable that he falls ASLEEP. or worse yet, BORED.....
he slides his hand up to grip Kanda's hip, while the other wraps around Kanda's length, stroking him at the same slow pace he'd used in the beginning. but before Kanda can cut in with a 'we literally did this a second ago', he presses in closer, dipping his head so he can take him into his mouth.
maybe kanda will decide that he only likes blowjobs because lavi can't fcking TALK during them]
THAT'S HORRIFYING
Kanda's not a particularly imaginative person, though--at least not in this way, not yet. (Maybe never? Kanda doesn't know. This is new territory for both of them.) He's glad to feel Lavi's lips return to his skin, and not just because it means Lavi's shutting up. It saves Kanda from having to think too hard about what he should be doing, where to put his hands, how to hold himself. He knows Lavi can't possibly expect him to be good at any of this, but Kanda still doesn't like feeling so out of his depth. And yet, it's hard to guess at what Lavi might like when Kanda himself isn't even sure about the shape of his own want. He's never known a desire that wasn't encased in distant longing.
It's comforting, in a way--knowing that Lavi will take the lead like this, even if he's still figuring out what he's doing too. Even more than how good it feels, little sparks of electricity flitting up his nerves with every scrape of teeth and flick of tongue, Kanda finds himself warmed by the strength of Lavi's devotion, that he would go so far for someone with so little to offer him. Is it a great burden for Lavi to get his boyfriend off after specifically asking to do that, OKAY LOOK MAYBE NOT..... but it means a lot to Kanda that Lavi is so willing to go along with his whims, so ready to make suggestions and express his own desires for Kanda's consideration, and that's what matters.
But any such thoughts--any thoughts at all--go flying out the window as Lavi's lips close over him. For once, Kanda's composure visibly shatters, his naturally icy expression melting under the heat of Lavi's mouth. He gasps sharply, his hands twisting in the sheets where they'd fallen, and maybe his body is capable of sensitivity after all, because it's almost like being dragged right back to a few minutes ago, as if he never came down from that cresting ecstasy. He thrusts up mindlessly, hard, incapable of resisting the urge, completely forgetting to even try. Hopefully Lavi was prepared for that oops]
banging makes kanda happy......
or as Lavi would like to call it... eager! Because it's not a crime to be eager, and it's definitely not one to be happy when Kanda seems open to the idea of this between them, their relationship and all the parts unknown. It means just as much to Lavi that Kanda says yes, that he hasn't grown tired or irritated with him, and that he actually seems to like what Lavi's doing, because how many things in this world does Kanda like.... And how many of those things can Lavi give him?
It might not be many, but at least he's the only one who can. He's the only one who knows the shape of Kanda's arousal, of how he looks and sounds and feels, of how long he takes and how soon he comes, the inflection of his voice when he says Lavi's name. And Lavi is as taken by it as he is by every other thing, just like right now.
He's not so far gone that he doesn't anticipate Kanda's sudden MOVEMENT, because why wouldn't Kanda move when he chased Lavi's hand so endearingly just earlier -- so luckily for them BOTH, Lavi doesn't choke on Kanda's DICK and then DIE from suffocation... even though lavi deserves that. instead, he grabs Kanda by the waist, fingers digging into his hips, and presses him back down onto the bed, sliding off so he can murmur,]
You can move next time -- if you wanna.
[and maybe Lavi's being a little cheeky for assuming that there WILL be a next time, but if Kanda has any complaints, then Lavi will hear them after -- after he wraps his lips around Kanda's cock again, sucking and licking with renewed vigor, making sure to exert just enough pressure so that Kanda's thrusts don't knock him the fck out, his back muscles bunching with the effort. all worth it for this, to draw Kanda's pleasure from him and prove that the first time wasn't just a lucky break,]
YEAH BUT HE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THAT ABOUT IT
They really do deserve for this to become a comedy of errors--but Lavi's smarter than Kanda is, and stronger when he wants to be, and Kanda would be so annoyed at Lavi using his strength for THIS of all things if he wasn't currently short-circuiting. If he hears Lavi's words at all, he completely ignores them, straining against Lavi's hold as a soft moan sticks low in his throat. He'd be embarrassed (and ANGRY) about it, but his breaths are already staccato, and he can't spare any to form words.
He's burying his fingers in Lavi's hair again before he's even realized his hands have moved, but he manages to hold himself back from shoving Lavi's head down, clinging to the minuscule threads of kindness and patience he possesses. A part of him wants to throw his head back and close his eyes, to let himself be dragged back to the edge with each curl of Lavi's tongue; that's what Lavi wants from him, and why on earth would Kanda deny him? But Kanda is selfish--not as much as it seems, but undeniably so nonetheless--and paradoxically, Kanda finds he's not satisfied with just lying back and luxuriating in pleasure. He wants to touch, to see, to be more of a part of this than he has been up to now.
(Maybe it's not that surprising. He's never done well with an onslaught of attention, after all.)
But action takes a type of strength he doesn't have--not when he lifts his head and immediately spots the red of Lavi's lips, so much brighter than they normally are, and finds his movements arrested by their color, their shine. He'd pushed himself up on one elbow out of half-baked restlessness, and his non-plans crumble with every fervent bob of Lavi's throat. He's never cared much about the way things look, but right now, all he can do is stare, transfixed, at the way Lavi's hair sticks to his forehead, the length of Lavi's fingers where they press against his hip--more than anything, at the expression on Lavi's face, like he truly doesn't want to be anywhere but here, doing anything but this, for a length of time that only exists in their wildest dreams.]
he could.... (pleading)
it's as heady as having all of Kanda's attention, and Lavi wants to indulge. he's had so much and all he wants is more, more of Kanda, more of the tension in the hand buried in Lavi's hair, more of his taste and scent and wild-eyed expression, disheveled and messy. not that Lavi is any different, not when he draws back and swirls his tongue over the head of Kanda's cock, teasing and yet, rapturous. he wants to ask 'like what you see?', he wants to say 'I want you when I've never wanted anything else', but saying either means losing this hypnotic, deafening rhythm, so Lavi makes it clear in other ways -- in the mischievous bat of his eyelashes right before he takes Kanda in further, in the moan that vibrates deep in his throat, in the way he bobs his head and digs his nails into the skin of Kanda's hips.
it's probably a good thing Lavi doesn't have the presence of mind right now for anything other than Kanda's pleasure, because if he took even a few seconds to sketch out the scene they're making -- naked and illicitly tangled, soldiers of God creating something divine, creatures of purpose finding just that in each other -- then he'd probably come first. as it is, he's determined, he wants Kanda to feel good -- even if he refuses to admit it after, he wants to print those feelings deep in him, leave a mark in the man he knows as Yuu, deeper than any Lavi's left before.]
STOP LAVI WOULD BE SO SCARED
But Lavi doesn't, which means Kanda gets to stay wholly focused on him, on this, on the way each and every little motion is a promise of pleasure that's instantly fulfilled. Kanda utterly loses track of time as he watches Lavi--have they been here like this for seconds? Hours?--before he finally has another semi-lucid thought. Inexplicably, his mind fixates on red: Lavi's red hair in his fist, red mouth stretched wide around him, red bracelets resting snugly on both their wrists, Lavi's shockingly bright against the pale skin of Kanda's stomach.
It's hypocritical, since he wants to see Lavi fall apart too, but he can't handle Lavi's stare in this moment, so he squeezes his eyes shut. His grip on Lavi's hair is probably way too tight, and it doesn't even occur to him to pull Lavi off or give him a warning. It takes every bit of coherence he has left to resist the urge to break past Lavi's hold and bury himself in Lavi's mouth until Lavi has to beg him for breath.
This time, Kanda is no state to hide. If Lavi wants it, he can get the full view he was denied before--the way Kanda's expression breaks just as he does, the sound of his voice as he cries out, the full-body shudder that runs through him as pleasure crashes into him a second time. He holds himself still for a long minute, but then the tension bleeds out of him and he melts back against the mattress, breathing hard.]
LSDMFDSL (lavi voice) BANGING CHANGED KANDA.....
But right now, he's just as happy to collapse next to Kanda, hands moving from the bright red imprints left on Kanda's hips to circle around him in a loose embrace, curling in close. He can feel the rise and fall of Kanda's breaths, and Lavi's are just as unsteady, pulling as much air into his lungs to make up for the lack of it earlier -- and to try and steady himself, now that he doesn't have Kanda's pleasure to distract him from his own.
It's not really working, not when Kanda's pleasure feeds his own, not when Lavi's picture perfect memory is already running full tilt against him, recreating that first peak in his mind's eye, and then the second, Kanda's voice ringing in his ear. He resists the urge to scrape his teeth against Kanda's shoulder, to pull him closer into his arms, to wrap his legs around Kanda's and rut against him like some pathetic, horny teenager. which he is, but listen.....
he tugs a sweat-soaked strand of hair from the corner of Kanda's mouth, and thinks deliriously of stealing all that hard-won air straight back out of Kanda's lungs, which makes him bite down on his own bright red lip -- and how much time has passed anyway, surely enough for Kanda to come down from his high?]
Yuu...
['yuu are you tired, are you drowsy, was my brilliant idea from earlier backfiring because it's sending you to snoozeville now, will I have to jack off by myself which like no big deal haha because that's something I can do, but it's not what I want but also if you touch me even a little I think I might die, but the good kind of dying, not like there's a good kind of dying but oh god you were so hot earlier and now I think I might die just from thinking about that --'
Lavi, fortunately, does not start talking a mile a minute, and instead murmurs Kanda's name again, letting it fall without a quip or a question, luxuriating in the sound of it, thank god]
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renews my paid and realizes 90% of these icons are angry anyway THIS WAS POINTLESS
SKDLFFDS STOP KANDA'S BEAUTIFUL FAAAACE
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the way I got confused bc I was logged in as kaveh... locked out of my own post
U BANNED URSELF ig kaveh and lavi know each other in the superhell mg universe
THEY REALLY DO unless scara destroyed sumeru and kaveh is dead
STOP I WILL SAVE KAVEH
LMFKJHDG he's just stuck in the roller coaster dimension forever
NOOOOO
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