Lavi's eye snaps open at this, smile vanishing in his surprise. He's used to Kanda being MEAN but not in this kind of context, so he's just kind of like 'BWUH'. He doesn't know the right thing to say because they've never been boyfriends before!!!!!!!!]
[HELLO!!! he sits back a little as he Ruminates... there's a fine line between getting what he wants and pissing Kanda off so bad that he'll get beaten up on this romantic hill overlooking the festival, and every day is a balancing act...]
[LISTEN... Lavi loves to wind him up, so it's only fair that he gets to enjoy bullying Lavi in return? Is it his fault for enjoying Lavi's suffering...
He could point out that they only stopped by two booths, but honestly that's a better date for him than stopping by every stall would've been, so he doesn't. Instead, he reaches up to grip Lavi's face, not unlike the way he did earlier--but this time he pulls him down to press a kiss to his cheek. Leaning up for it would've been too much effort...]
The soba was good. [DON'T JUST USE SOBA AS A REWARD METRIC]
[Lavi blinks as Kanda grabs his face again, and then he blinks even more in shock when Kanda pulls him down and smooches his cheek......... the spot where he kissed him feels warm, and almost immediately -- a red flush sweeps across Lavi's face, matching the ridiculous shade of his hair which looks even more fiery red in the sun..... wait a sec hold on..... YES he asked for a kiss and YES he wanted this but also now he feels stupidly shy and embarrassed like a BOTTOM!!! the kiss on the cheek is so cute!!! what the fck!!!
he puts a hand on his super red face like the world's worst attempt to hide,]
Good. [DON'T JUST REPEAT WHAT KANDA JUST SAID] I mean -- m'glad you liked it.
[LAVI IS SO CUTE!!! It's so unfair... who allowed Kanda to have exclusive rights to flustered bottom Lavi, Kanda doesn't deserve to have this!!!
But it doesn't mean he can't appreciate it, even if his appreciation is terrible. HE LIKES THROWING LAVI OFF HIS GAME... HE'S S!!! He doesn't think much about the sense of satisfaction he's feeling; he just enjoys it as he drops his hand, even though he very rudely keeps looking at Lavi who is trying so hard to hide and be cool]
You're more red than you were on the ferris wheel. [Heh]
[STOP LOOKING AT HIM WITH UR BIG OLE EYES.... It's true that Lavi likes when Kanda sees him -- because he always does in a way different from how everyone else looks at Lavi -- keen and yet never probing, until now. Now? Kanda is looking at him with something he rarely ever shows with anyone else -- interest, something Lavi's dreaded from others for so long, but now it just feels... right.
Right, and still incredibly embarrassing??? Lavi avoids Kanda's gaze, clearing his throat. ahem!!!]
That's cause you didn't kiss me on the ferris wheel.
[there! a plausible reason for his very normal reaction! rationale wins the day! though there's nothing rational about how he wants to pull his scarf over his face or how he just wants to push Kanda down onto the grass and see the surprise on his face.
[UNFORTUNATELY THIS DOES SOUND PLAUSIBLE SO HE BUYS IT
Luckily for Lavi's BLUSH, Kanda still keeps plenty to himself. He doesn't say anything about how he might've, if Lavi had asked back then--how it feels like this thing between them has been there for so long, simply filling the space and waiting for one of them to crack, to go against their better judgment and acknowledge it. (And isn't that exactly what happened?) He doesn't mention that even though he didn't act on it, he'd liked that Lavi just as much as he likes this one, every part of him warm and bright.
Instead of saying anything along those lines, he just raises an eyebrow]
[kanda is so cute and romantique.................... TRULY LAVI WOULD EXPLODE AND PASS OUT IF KANDA SAID ANY OF THAT OUT LOUD SO IT'S JUST AS WELL!!
His face is still red because damn that's true.... the kiss truly threw him OFF... his whole perception of time is skewed, moments spent with Kanda feel like forever and also no time at all, leaving him desperate for more. It's one of the reasons why, instead of making up another plausible reason, he turns to Kanda again, this time with blunt honesty --]
I want to be alone with you.
[his face is still faintly pink, but this time he meets Kanda's gaze instead of looking away like a shy BOTTOM]
But no he's not THAT stupid. And even if he was, Lavi already told him what he wanted earlier--between that and whatever they've gotten up to since they started this, he can probably put two and two together. He considers... he's still in a good mood, since they weren't in the crowd long enough for him to get overstimulated and grouchy, and Lavi has been on his best behavior all evening. A little mischievous and daring, yes, but not too much. If anything, it's made his shy eagerness now that much sweeter.
Kanda could say no anyway, force Lavi to bend to his whims just because he can--but frankly, Lavi's honesty is worth more to him than the enjoyment he'd get out of a silly power play. If he's going to reward anything, it should be that.
He doesn't say anything, but he nudges Lavi's arm off of him and reaches for Mugen, picking it up as he gets to his feet. Then he stands and looks at Lavi expectantly, clearly waiting for him to do the same.]
[Lavi watches Kanda stand back up, tilting his head upward to follow him, drawn as ever to his every movement. He doesn't hear the reply, but he sees it in the tilt of Kanda's head, the expectant expression, and the way he's still standing, instead of striding away down the hill.
He doesn't take long to follow, lips quirking into a smile as he stands. Would he have played along regardless if Kanda had demanded it, yes, but he's just as happy that Kanda hasn't -- that he seems to want this as much as Lavi does -- to be with him. Lavi starts down the hill, merging with the crowd only long enough to discard their bowls, and then it's back to their lodgings at the local inn. The establishment is especially rowdy given the festivities, but the clamor vanishes behind them as they head up the stairs to their room. Just the one, of course -- it saves them money, and at this point Lavi's used to sharing space with Kanda. Losing him during those last few weeks had made it that much harder.
But Lavi's not thinking of Scawwy now. He's only thinking of how precious the day had been, and how lucky he is that he can spend the night too at Kanda's side. Once the door is properly closed behind them, he tugs off his scarf and outer coat, putting both away before holding out a hand for Kanda's. It's true that they're still not completely safe even here, but Lavi finds himself relaxing a little anyway, grateful for the enclosed space.
more importantly, he's glad for the privacy it affords the both of them, and he walks over to Kanda, holding his arms out for his outside coat,]
Should be safe for the night.
[he thinks and hopes, and maybe the hoping is evident in the tone of his voice, because well -- they've had a very nice day, and he'd like to see it end that way too]
[Wouldn't it be funny if I made an Akuma appear right now and violently changed the mood of this entire thread
But no, that doesn't happen. Kanda's ready for it, of course, especially as they rejoin the townspeople, but the only chaos comes from people around them enjoying the festivities. Lavi's been a permanent spot in his awareness for ages, so Kanda doesn't have to watch him too closely to keep track of him as they head back; it leaves him free to glance back towards the Knotting booth, which has a long line now that the crowd has grown. He watches the couple at the front laughing as they struggle to size their bracelets properly, and thinks of the cords on Lavi's wrists, how Lavi had gone out of his way to claim Kanda's failed attempts too. Of the cord around his own wrist, and the one he hasn't stopped using in his hair. He thinks about the burst of happiness he'd felt from Lavi in the salon, when he noticed, and how content he looked earlier when he'd admired their matching knots: so many moments to file away in his deceptively good memory. Little things that, Kanda suspects, Lavi doesn't even realize he notices.
He doesn't reach out to hold Lavi's hand on the way back. But it's kind of tempting, which is a lot for him.
The way Kanda actually also has a scarf BUT I KEEP FORGETTING ABOUT IT I guess he left it behind. Once they're in the room, he finally puts Mugen down; he's the closest thing the Order has to a constantly vigilant exorcist robot, but he is still human enough that even he can't keep his guard permanently up. He and Lavi are on the same page--as far as he can tell, this is the closest thing to safety they'll get, so they might as well relax (kind of) while they can.]
Yeah. [He didn't bother brushing the dirt and grass off of his outside coat, but whatever, it's fine. He shrugs it off, handing it over.] I didn't see anyone from the Order around.
[No exorcists isn't unusual, but he hadn't noticed any Finders either, which means there's a good chance this town isn't on anyone's radar. There's no guarantee that it's clear, of course, but it at least means that the chances of a sudden crisis are as low as they get.]
Lavi hangs Kanda's coat up with his, then he sits on the edge of their only (flushed) bed, bending down to take off his boots and whatever the FCK kind of leggings he wears over his uniform pants, then straightening up to unbutton his Exorcist jacket,]
We'll have to be more careful when we get to the city.
[keep a look out not only for finders, but for Order supporters too. all it would take is one priest to recognize them... and they're both already so distinctive, though Lavi has also mastered the art of blending in with a crowd... but it's easier to hide when people don't know who you are, harder when people have an idea to look out for.
he glances over at Kanda, lingering on his straight, dark hair, his elegant features arranged in pristine symmetry, the bow of his lip. Even the distant observer in him would find it hard to look away from Kanda -- so much of the other man seizes attention. And now when nothing about Lavi is distant, all he can do is stare, helplessly drawn. He wouldn't change a thing about him. He doesn't want to. ]
Maybe I should dye my hair... [he's done it before, changed parts of him so he'd look unrecognizable -- so it's half serious and half not at all, as Lavi runs a hand through his hair and blinks over at Kanda,] Whaddya think?
[We force hei and spoon to thread out domain expansion-ing the earl]
Mm. [At least until they find Allen and Johnny and figure out what the hell they're doing... what a pain. But Kanda knew what he was signing up for when he busted Johnny out of that train, so eh. It's fine.
Unlike Lavi his clothes are NORMAL!! So he takes his exorcist coat off and drapes it over a chair, easy to grab in case they do need to run out quickly. He takes his boots off too while he's at it, and if he notices Lavi staring, he doesn't show it. He just moves to join Lavi on the bed, scooting back to lean against the wall and stretching his legs out. His hair is still up and his gloves are still on for now, because he's lazy, but he's more relaxed here, like this, than he ever was back in town.
LAVI CAN FISH FOR COMPLIMENTS ALL HE WANTS BUT KANDA'S JUST THINKING ABOUT BLAVI NOW]
You complained so much when your hair changed last time...
Lavi pouts, a note of mock indignation in his voice, as he stops fluffing up his stupid hair and hangs his jacket on one of the bed posts. Once that's done, he scoots closer to Kanda, reaching for his hand.]
That's cause I didn't change it! I didn't even get to pick the color.
[SOMEONE ELSE DID THAT TO HIM.... anyway FORGET BLAVI he's much more interested in twining his fingers with Kanda's, taking advantage of the somewhat safe space they're in to finally hold his hand. He runs his thumb along Kanda's fingers, tracing the edge of the glove back and forth,]
[HOW CAN HE FORGET BLAVI WHEN LAVI PITCHED SUCH A FIT!!!
He lets Lavi take his hand, though--and the urge from earlier is still there, so he curls his fingers loosely. Holding Lavi's hand properly, for once, instead of just letting Lavi hold his.
Peers at his hair, trying to picture it dark... instead he gets a weird vision of Lavi with white hair for some reason (no)
But it's difficult to imagine? He's not sure how he feels about it.]
You'd still stand out. [Granted he's a little biased because he pays attention to Lavi more than most people do, but--] The eyepatch would give you away.
[If he's thinking in terms of questions the Order would ask to find them, that is]
It takes a moment for Lavi to reply, distracted by how his heart skips a beat when Kanda holds his hand back. It's the slightest of movements, but it feels momentous... Everything about this -- what they have -- feels the same. He wonders if he'll ever reach a point when he won't marvel over every gesture and look, every affirmation that Kanda feels the same way he does.
Lavi tugs down his headband with his other hand, rearranging his hair so his bangs flop over his eyepatch, hiding it from view.]
What about now?
[This would be more effective if one of the ties wasn't VISIBLE on his face, because at some point he swapped from his previous patch to one that has FOUR strings. way to go lavi,]
[ASSIGNED CRIMINAL...... he cannot believe this, he combs his hair for 4 hrs every morning to get it to fall like this? unless this is Kanda hinting at roleplaying.....
Lavi pushes his swoopy stupid bangs out of the way, even though his eyesight remains hindered as usual, and tugs his headband up and then back down,]
Does that mean you like it on or off?
[speaking of OFF... he can think of other things that can be OFF....]
Kanda's first instinct is to say "what does my opinion have to do with anything" and "I don't care," because it's mostly true? The most he's thought about Lavi's headband is when he yanks on it, usually when Lavi's purposely pestering him. But he watches Lavi mess with it, and he suspects that those replies would exasperate Lavi--and more importantly, they'd tempt him into being an annoying ham, which would inevitably lead to Kanda flipping him onto the floor or something. All of that is fine and normal, but he kind of doesn't feel like devolving into roughhousing right now. We had a good date Lavi insisted earlier, and he was right. It's been a nice evening, and Kanda isn't in the mood to let go of his hand so quickly.]
It's fine the way it normally is. [Because he is unhelpful above all... but he studies Lavi after that, mulling it over, trying to figure out if he has any preference at all. His eyes move over Lavi's face, searching--and though he doesn't really care what anyone else thinks or feels, he does wonder, very briefly, what the other people attracted to Lavi saw when they looked at him. Did they care about his looks at all, beyond wondering about the eyepatch? They were probably drawn in by his smile, but did any of them notice his headband, or his earrings, or the other little things Lavi likes to wear?
For Kanda--with it up, he sees the Lavi he knows so well. Energetic and annoying as a form of masterful deflection, but reliable when it matters. Someone Kanda trusts to watch his back, a man strong enough to shoulder the burdens they have no choice but to bear. With it down, he sees a dropped facade. A face without that bright grin, an eye without its playful sparkle. Sometimes bitter and cynical, but sometimes just... calm and still. Tired, but trusting, the sort of man who dozes off on his shoulder, who asks hard things of him because he knows Kanda will listen.
But Kanda likes both of those images? They're both sides of Lavi that he cares about. That's not helpful. Hmm...
Technically Lavi had his headband on earlier, but when Kanda pictures him all flustered and red, his mental image has no headband. So, decisively--] Leave it down.
Lavi unfortunately no longer has the ability to hear Kanda's gay thoughts, but he can still discern them in the way only he can, the way he's used to. It's why he doesn't interrupt that brief moment of silence with his usual chatter, merely waiting for the answer he knows Kanda will give and also, enjoying the way Kanda is studying him. Even so, his matter-of-fact answer surprises him, that Kanda has a preference when he normally wouldn't care.
Lavi's not wearing his headband, in fact he pulls it completely off at Kanda's answer, but there's that playful look in his eye anyway. Playful, and maybe a little shy -- in a way uncharacteristic of either 'Lavi', and yet something that's solely him too, in these private spaces he's only ever shared with Kanda. He could pretend at confidence like he's used to, if he didn't know that Kanda would see through that too.
And besides, he's already taken the headband off -- it's a little too late to slip the mask back on, because that's what it is -- the headband, the scarf, the earrings -- all vital pieces of the forty-ninth. Like how Bookman lines his eyes every morning -- a suit of armor to protect their hearts against the world. Lavi should feel naked without it, unraveled.
He shifts closer, one hand in Kanda's and the other pressed flat over the sheets. He should feel like what he really is, nothing and no one. And yet, all he feels is the air, heavy with anticipation, and Kanda's hand, warm in his. If he's truly nothing, then he wouldn't feel anything at all. The fact should devastate him, the knowledge that he's no longer the Bookman ideal, and maybe never was. But if this is devastation -- the warmth in his chest, growing brighter and hotter at every touch and moment spent -- then maybe he wants to be ruined.
Kanda's face is only a brief distance away, the span of a heartbeat,]
[In another life, maybe Kanda would've been the sort of person to flirt and tease, to play a leisurely game with the pieces that make up "Lavi," until the picture of him was spread out between them, ready to be taken apart and remade over and over at Kanda's will. Once, he'd thought he could be the sort of person who smiled and laughed in the darkness, too. And maybe, in some other timeline, he's pressing that smile into Lavi's neck and telling him he cares about the color of his scarf or the style of his earrings, regardless of whether or not it's true.
This Kanda doesn't have the patience for that. He watches Lavi put the headband aside, but he's more interested in the expression on Lavi's face, the playfulness he knows so well and the shyness that's new and, somehow, endearing. Maybe he should be surprised by it, but... he knows what it's like, trying to figure out "who" you are, when all you've ever been is a "what."
He can tell they're not talking about disguises anymore. But he doesn't need Lavi to mold himself into something new, even in these little, relatively harmless ways. He will not be the glass that holds Lavi's formless shape. But he doesn't know how to tell Lavi that he's already everything Kanda wants, and this is still too fragile for him to say those words exactly.
Instead, he does what he does best, and cuts through to the heart of it all. He doesn't move to meet Lavi halfway, because he's spoiled by Lavi's desire, even if he doesn't realize it. Instead, he reaches out and puts his free hand on Lavi's face, drawing him forward until there's almost no space between them. He rests his lips against Lavi's brow, where the headband was a minute ago--he doesn't plant a kiss there, but his mouth brushes against Lavi's skin with each word he speaks.]
Are you going to keep wasting time, or are you going to say what you want?
[He goes willingly when Kanda draws him closer, relaxing against his hold, tempted to look up and instead staying perfectly in place, so Lavi can feel the words against his skin -- soft and sharp, in the way only Kanda can ever be. He's so close -- they've been even closer before, but not in this way -- the air charged and full of anticipation, no longer on the cusp of a decision made, but exploring the moment after.
This is what he wanted, this is what he still wants. He hums his answer back, tilting his head so he can press his mouth against the line of Kanda's jaw, indulging in the nearness and physicality of him -- of the warmth he can feel emanating from his cool skin, of knowing that he's only this close because Kanda is letting him. If he's feeling woozy, then it must be because it's going straight to his head, to his erratic heartbeat,]
You.
[he breathes out, the word sounding so much like Kanda's name, both perfect for this occasion. Yuu. I want Yuu. He brushes his lips against Kanda's cheek, the corner of his mouth, and then he's kissing him, as gentle as the first time, coaxing and hopeful. Nothing like how they usually are, but Lavi likes this as much as he likes the roughhousing. Rarely does he have the opportunity to touch Kanda like this -- in a way he hopes the other man will like. He slides his other hand on Kanda's hip, tracing the fabric of his shirt, thumb tucked under the hem and pressing against bare skin,]
[There are times, probably more than Lavi would like, that Kanda simply isn't in the mood to be touched. He still values his space more than the average person, even if he's more lenient with Lavi than most people would think him capable of being.
But this is different. He'd known what Lavi was asking for when he agreed to come back here, so there's no surprise when he feels Lavi's hand on him, no leaning away when Lavi moves closer. He denied Lavi a full kiss on the hill, but he indulges him now, his hand falling to rest on Lavi's shoulder and around the back of his neck, brushing through the short hairs curling over his fingers. He's not good at being patient or gentle, but Lavi is, and Kanda doesn't mind following his lead like this, at least for a little while.
He lets Lavi kiss him more than he really tries to kiss back, but it's not out of disinterest. It's just easier to focus on relaxing, this way--when all he has to think about is keeping his mouth pliant and following the gentle cues of Lavi's touch, because Lavi is willing to do the rest. Accommodating him, reaching out far, far more than halfway, just like he always does. Kanda doesn't know why Lavi thinks he, of all people, is worth breaking the rules for, but... luckily for both of them, he's not the type to ask those kinds of questions. All that matters is that they're here, together, and something like safe.]
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Unfortunately he's also in a good mood... which means... it's tempting to be mean for his own amusement...]
Do you deserve it?
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Lavi's eye snaps open at this, smile vanishing in his surprise. He's used to Kanda being MEAN but not in this kind of context, so he's just kind of like 'BWUH'. He doesn't know the right thing to say because they've never been boyfriends before!!!!!!!!]
You want me to work for it.....?
[IN A....... FLIRTY KIND OF WAY?????]
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Don't just laugh!
[HELLO!!! he sits back a little as he Ruminates... there's a fine line between getting what he wants and pissing Kanda off so bad that he'll get beaten up on this romantic hill overlooking the festival, and every day is a balancing act...]
We had a nice time! Wasn't it a fun date?
[DOES HE NOT DESERVE.... A REWARD?]
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He could point out that they only stopped by two booths, but honestly that's a better date for him than stopping by every stall would've been, so he doesn't. Instead, he reaches up to grip Lavi's face, not unlike the way he did earlier--but this time he pulls him down to press a kiss to his cheek. Leaning up for it would've been too much effort...]
The soba was good. [DON'T JUST USE SOBA AS A REWARD METRIC]
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he puts a hand on his super red face like the world's worst attempt to hide,]
Good. [DON'T JUST REPEAT WHAT KANDA JUST SAID] I mean -- m'glad you liked it.
[NAILED IT]
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But it doesn't mean he can't appreciate it, even if his appreciation is terrible. HE LIKES THROWING LAVI OFF HIS GAME... HE'S S!!! He doesn't think much about the sense of satisfaction he's feeling; he just enjoys it as he drops his hand, even though he very rudely keeps looking at Lavi who is trying so hard to hide and be cool]
You're more red than you were on the ferris wheel. [Heh]
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Right, and still incredibly embarrassing??? Lavi avoids Kanda's gaze, clearing his throat. ahem!!!]
That's cause you didn't kiss me on the ferris wheel.
[there! a plausible reason for his very normal reaction! rationale wins the day! though there's nothing rational about how he wants to pull his scarf over his face or how he just wants to push Kanda down onto the grass and see the surprise on his face.
he coughs again. ahem ahem.]
Let's head back.
[THE FASTER.... THE BETTER..... 😏]
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Luckily for Lavi's BLUSH, Kanda still keeps plenty to himself. He doesn't say anything about how he might've, if Lavi had asked back then--how it feels like this thing between them has been there for so long, simply filling the space and waiting for one of them to crack, to go against their better judgment and acknowledge it. (And isn't that exactly what happened?) He doesn't mention that even though he didn't act on it, he'd liked that Lavi just as much as he likes this one, every part of him warm and bright.
Instead of saying anything along those lines, he just raises an eyebrow]
You just said you wanted to stay here.
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His face is still red because damn that's true.... the kiss truly threw him OFF... his whole perception of time is skewed, moments spent with Kanda feel like forever and also no time at all, leaving him desperate for more. It's one of the reasons why, instead of making up another plausible reason, he turns to Kanda again, this time with blunt honesty --]
I want to be alone with you.
[his face is still faintly pink, but this time he meets Kanda's gaze instead of looking away like a shy BOTTOM]
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But no he's not THAT stupid. And even if he was, Lavi already told him what he wanted earlier--between that and whatever they've gotten up to since they started this, he can probably put two and two together. He considers... he's still in a good mood, since they weren't in the crowd long enough for him to get overstimulated and grouchy, and Lavi has been on his best behavior all evening. A little mischievous and daring, yes, but not too much. If anything, it's made his shy eagerness now that much sweeter.
Kanda could say no anyway, force Lavi to bend to his whims just because he can--but frankly, Lavi's honesty is worth more to him than the enjoyment he'd get out of a silly power play. If he's going to reward anything, it should be that.
He doesn't say anything, but he nudges Lavi's arm off of him and reaches for Mugen, picking it up as he gets to his feet. Then he stands and looks at Lavi expectantly, clearly waiting for him to do the same.]
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He doesn't take long to follow, lips quirking into a smile as he stands. Would he have played along regardless if Kanda had demanded it, yes, but he's just as happy that Kanda hasn't -- that he seems to want this as much as Lavi does -- to be with him. Lavi starts down the hill, merging with the crowd only long enough to discard their bowls, and then it's back to their lodgings at the local inn. The establishment is especially rowdy given the festivities, but the clamor vanishes behind them as they head up the stairs to their room. Just the one, of course -- it saves them money, and at this point Lavi's used to sharing space with Kanda. Losing him during those last few weeks had made it that much harder.
But Lavi's not thinking of Scawwy now. He's only thinking of how precious the day had been, and how lucky he is that he can spend the night too at Kanda's side. Once the door is properly closed behind them, he tugs off his scarf and outer coat, putting both away before holding out a hand for Kanda's. It's true that they're still not completely safe even here, but Lavi finds himself relaxing a little anyway, grateful for the enclosed space.
more importantly, he's glad for the privacy it affords the both of them, and he walks over to Kanda, holding his arms out for his outside coat,]
Should be safe for the night.
[he thinks and hopes, and maybe the hoping is evident in the tone of his voice, because well -- they've had a very nice day, and he'd like to see it end that way too]
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But no, that doesn't happen. Kanda's ready for it, of course, especially as they rejoin the townspeople, but the only chaos comes from people around them enjoying the festivities. Lavi's been a permanent spot in his awareness for ages, so Kanda doesn't have to watch him too closely to keep track of him as they head back; it leaves him free to glance back towards the Knotting booth, which has a long line now that the crowd has grown. He watches the couple at the front laughing as they struggle to size their bracelets properly, and thinks of the cords on Lavi's wrists, how Lavi had gone out of his way to claim Kanda's failed attempts too. Of the cord around his own wrist, and the one he hasn't stopped using in his hair. He thinks about the burst of happiness he'd felt from Lavi in the salon, when he noticed, and how content he looked earlier when he'd admired their matching knots: so many moments to file away in his deceptively good memory. Little things that, Kanda suspects, Lavi doesn't even realize he notices.
He doesn't reach out to hold Lavi's hand on the way back. But it's kind of tempting, which is a lot for him.
The way Kanda actually also has a scarf BUT I KEEP FORGETTING ABOUT IT I guess he left it behind. Once they're in the room, he finally puts Mugen down; he's the closest thing the Order has to a constantly vigilant exorcist robot, but he is still human enough that even he can't keep his guard permanently up. He and Lavi are on the same page--as far as he can tell, this is the closest thing to safety they'll get, so they might as well relax (kind of) while they can.]
Yeah. [He didn't bother brushing the dirt and grass off of his outside coat, but whatever, it's fine. He shrugs it off, handing it over.] I didn't see anyone from the Order around.
[No exorcists isn't unusual, but he hadn't noticed any Finders either, which means there's a good chance this town isn't on anyone's radar. There's no guarantee that it's clear, of course, but it at least means that the chances of a sudden crisis are as low as they get.]
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Lavi hangs Kanda's coat up with his, then he sits on the edge of their only (flushed) bed, bending down to take off his boots and whatever the FCK kind of leggings he wears over his uniform pants, then straightening up to unbutton his Exorcist jacket,]
We'll have to be more careful when we get to the city.
[keep a look out not only for finders, but for Order supporters too. all it would take is one priest to recognize them... and they're both already so distinctive, though Lavi has also mastered the art of blending in with a crowd... but it's easier to hide when people don't know who you are, harder when people have an idea to look out for.
he glances over at Kanda, lingering on his straight, dark hair, his elegant features arranged in pristine symmetry, the bow of his lip. Even the distant observer in him would find it hard to look away from Kanda -- so much of the other man seizes attention. And now when nothing about Lavi is distant, all he can do is stare, helplessly drawn. He wouldn't change a thing about him. He doesn't want to. ]
Maybe I should dye my hair... [he's done it before, changed parts of him so he'd look unrecognizable -- so it's half serious and half not at all, as Lavi runs a hand through his hair and blinks over at Kanda,] Whaddya think?
[DON'T JUST FISH FOR COMPLIMENTS]
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Mm. [At least until they find Allen and Johnny and figure out what the hell they're doing... what a pain. But Kanda knew what he was signing up for when he busted Johnny out of that train, so eh. It's fine.
Unlike Lavi his clothes are NORMAL!! So he takes his exorcist coat off and drapes it over a chair, easy to grab in case they do need to run out quickly. He takes his boots off too while he's at it, and if he notices Lavi staring, he doesn't show it. He just moves to join Lavi on the bed, scooting back to lean against the wall and stretching his legs out. His hair is still up and his gloves are still on for now, because he's lazy, but he's more relaxed here, like this, than he ever was back in town.
LAVI CAN FISH FOR COMPLIMENTS ALL HE WANTS BUT KANDA'S JUST THINKING ABOUT BLAVI NOW]
You complained so much when your hair changed last time...
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Lavi pouts, a note of mock indignation in his voice, as he stops fluffing up his stupid hair and hangs his jacket on one of the bed posts. Once that's done, he scoots closer to Kanda, reaching for his hand.]
That's cause I didn't change it! I didn't even get to pick the color.
[SOMEONE ELSE DID THAT TO HIM.... anyway FORGET BLAVI he's much more interested in twining his fingers with Kanda's, taking advantage of the somewhat safe space they're in to finally hold his hand. He runs his thumb along Kanda's fingers, tracing the edge of the glove back and forth,]
What if I dyed it black? Would it be weird?
[YEAH]
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He lets Lavi take his hand, though--and the urge from earlier is still there, so he curls his fingers loosely. Holding Lavi's hand properly, for once, instead of just letting Lavi hold his.
Peers at his hair, trying to picture it dark... instead he gets a weird vision of Lavi with white hair for some reason (no)
But it's difficult to imagine? He's not sure how he feels about it.]
You'd still stand out. [Granted he's a little biased because he pays attention to Lavi more than most people do, but--] The eyepatch would give you away.
[If he's thinking in terms of questions the Order would ask to find them, that is]
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It takes a moment for Lavi to reply, distracted by how his heart skips a beat when Kanda holds his hand back. It's the slightest of movements, but it feels momentous... Everything about this -- what they have -- feels the same. He wonders if he'll ever reach a point when he won't marvel over every gesture and look, every affirmation that Kanda feels the same way he does.
Lavi tugs down his headband with his other hand, rearranging his hair so his bangs flop over his eyepatch, hiding it from view.]
What about now?
[This would be more effective if one of the ties wasn't VISIBLE on his face, because at some point he swapped from his previous patch to one that has FOUR strings. way to go lavi,]
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Lavi pushes his swoopy stupid bangs out of the way, even though his eyesight remains hindered as usual, and tugs his headband up and then back down,]
Does that mean you like it on or off?
[speaking of OFF... he can think of other things that can be OFF....]
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Kanda's first instinct is to say "what does my opinion have to do with anything" and "I don't care," because it's mostly true? The most he's thought about Lavi's headband is when he yanks on it, usually when Lavi's purposely pestering him. But he watches Lavi mess with it, and he suspects that those replies would exasperate Lavi--and more importantly, they'd tempt him into being an annoying ham, which would inevitably lead to Kanda flipping him onto the floor or something. All of that is fine and normal, but he kind of doesn't feel like devolving into roughhousing right now. We had a good date Lavi insisted earlier, and he was right. It's been a nice evening, and Kanda isn't in the mood to let go of his hand so quickly.]
It's fine the way it normally is. [Because he is unhelpful above all... but he studies Lavi after that, mulling it over, trying to figure out if he has any preference at all. His eyes move over Lavi's face, searching--and though he doesn't really care what anyone else thinks or feels, he does wonder, very briefly, what the other people attracted to Lavi saw when they looked at him. Did they care about his looks at all, beyond wondering about the eyepatch? They were probably drawn in by his smile, but did any of them notice his headband, or his earrings, or the other little things Lavi likes to wear?
For Kanda--with it up, he sees the Lavi he knows so well. Energetic and annoying as a form of masterful deflection, but reliable when it matters. Someone Kanda trusts to watch his back, a man strong enough to shoulder the burdens they have no choice but to bear. With it down, he sees a dropped facade. A face without that bright grin, an eye without its playful sparkle. Sometimes bitter and cynical, but sometimes just... calm and still. Tired, but trusting, the sort of man who dozes off on his shoulder, who asks hard things of him because he knows Kanda will listen.
But Kanda likes both of those images? They're both sides of Lavi that he cares about. That's not helpful. Hmm...
Technically Lavi had his headband on earlier, but when Kanda pictures him all flustered and red, his mental image has no headband. So, decisively--] Leave it down.
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Lavi unfortunately no longer has the ability to hear Kanda's gay thoughts, but he can still discern them in the way only he can, the way he's used to. It's why he doesn't interrupt that brief moment of silence with his usual chatter, merely waiting for the answer he knows Kanda will give and also, enjoying the way Kanda is studying him. Even so, his matter-of-fact answer surprises him, that Kanda has a preference when he normally wouldn't care.
Lavi's not wearing his headband, in fact he pulls it completely off at Kanda's answer, but there's that playful look in his eye anyway. Playful, and maybe a little shy -- in a way uncharacteristic of either 'Lavi', and yet something that's solely him too, in these private spaces he's only ever shared with Kanda. He could pretend at confidence like he's used to, if he didn't know that Kanda would see through that too.
And besides, he's already taken the headband off -- it's a little too late to slip the mask back on, because that's what it is -- the headband, the scarf, the earrings -- all vital pieces of the forty-ninth. Like how Bookman lines his eyes every morning -- a suit of armor to protect their hearts against the world. Lavi should feel naked without it, unraveled.
He shifts closer, one hand in Kanda's and the other pressed flat over the sheets. He should feel like what he really is, nothing and no one. And yet, all he feels is the air, heavy with anticipation, and Kanda's hand, warm in his. If he's truly nothing, then he wouldn't feel anything at all. The fact should devastate him, the knowledge that he's no longer the Bookman ideal, and maybe never was. But if this is devastation -- the warmth in his chest, growing brighter and hotter at every touch and moment spent -- then maybe he wants to be ruined.
Kanda's face is only a brief distance away, the span of a heartbeat,]
Anything else?
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This Kanda doesn't have the patience for that. He watches Lavi put the headband aside, but he's more interested in the expression on Lavi's face, the playfulness he knows so well and the shyness that's new and, somehow, endearing. Maybe he should be surprised by it, but... he knows what it's like, trying to figure out "who" you are, when all you've ever been is a "what."
He can tell they're not talking about disguises anymore. But he doesn't need Lavi to mold himself into something new, even in these little, relatively harmless ways. He will not be the glass that holds Lavi's formless shape. But he doesn't know how to tell Lavi that he's already everything Kanda wants, and this is still too fragile for him to say those words exactly.
Instead, he does what he does best, and cuts through to the heart of it all. He doesn't move to meet Lavi halfway, because he's spoiled by Lavi's desire, even if he doesn't realize it. Instead, he reaches out and puts his free hand on Lavi's face, drawing him forward until there's almost no space between them. He rests his lips against Lavi's brow, where the headband was a minute ago--he doesn't plant a kiss there, but his mouth brushes against Lavi's skin with each word he speaks.]
Are you going to keep wasting time, or are you going to say what you want?
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This is what he wanted, this is what he still wants. He hums his answer back, tilting his head so he can press his mouth against the line of Kanda's jaw, indulging in the nearness and physicality of him -- of the warmth he can feel emanating from his cool skin, of knowing that he's only this close because Kanda is letting him. If he's feeling woozy, then it must be because it's going straight to his head, to his erratic heartbeat,]
You.
[he breathes out, the word sounding so much like Kanda's name, both perfect for this occasion. Yuu. I want Yuu. He brushes his lips against Kanda's cheek, the corner of his mouth, and then he's kissing him, as gentle as the first time, coaxing and hopeful. Nothing like how they usually are, but Lavi likes this as much as he likes the roughhousing. Rarely does he have the opportunity to touch Kanda like this -- in a way he hopes the other man will like. He slides his other hand on Kanda's hip, tracing the fabric of his shirt, thumb tucked under the hem and pressing against bare skin,]
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But this is different. He'd known what Lavi was asking for when he agreed to come back here, so there's no surprise when he feels Lavi's hand on him, no leaning away when Lavi moves closer. He denied Lavi a full kiss on the hill, but he indulges him now, his hand falling to rest on Lavi's shoulder and around the back of his neck, brushing through the short hairs curling over his fingers. He's not good at being patient or gentle, but Lavi is, and Kanda doesn't mind following his lead like this, at least for a little while.
He lets Lavi kiss him more than he really tries to kiss back, but it's not out of disinterest. It's just easier to focus on relaxing, this way--when all he has to think about is keeping his mouth pliant and following the gentle cues of Lavi's touch, because Lavi is willing to do the rest. Accommodating him, reaching out far, far more than halfway, just like he always does. Kanda doesn't know why Lavi thinks he, of all people, is worth breaking the rules for, but... luckily for both of them, he's not the type to ask those kinds of questions. All that matters is that they're here, together, and something like safe.]
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the way my paid ran out but I still have my cat icons
LSDMFLFDS AND UR HAPPY KANDA ICON time to switch for every tag
THAT'S HORRIFYING
banging makes kanda happy......
YEAH BUT HE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THAT ABOUT IT
he could.... (pleading)
STOP LAVI WOULD BE SO SCARED
LSDMFDSL (lavi voice) BANGING CHANGED KANDA.....
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renews my paid and realizes 90% of these icons are angry anyway THIS WAS POINTLESS
SKDLFFDS STOP KANDA'S BEAUTIFUL FAAAACE
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the way I got confused bc I was logged in as kaveh... locked out of my own post
U BANNED URSELF ig kaveh and lavi know each other in the superhell mg universe
THEY REALLY DO unless scara destroyed sumeru and kaveh is dead
STOP I WILL SAVE KAVEH
LMFKJHDG he's just stuck in the roller coaster dimension forever
NOOOOO
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